Twenty Thousand Hit Bullshit. The Joy is in Reaching the ONE you have something to say to..why Shut that down? its ultimate gift..

I have literally been too depressed since april to write...big fat why bother. Big fat ass.

Just read some of this babl for the first time in, ever, IM not a person to worry about typos in notes to myself and one day when the stories are all put together I will have my justice...its all I have left ...I write as if I have food poisoning of the head, seriously for my own notes to self, with which I plan to clean up at a later date, or someone else will......Im not on top of it because so many of the shitty people I write about lately I would rather forget about than worry about typos for example...does that make sense? Because although I know these 20,000 hits are somewhat artificially generated because of some of the stats Ive seen...the beauty of bloggng is that only Stacey really needs to read the post below to know exactly what Im so upet about....as sloppy as it is I feel better knowing she knows exactly what she did...along with Dianna and a few others I look forward to never thinking about after this sentence...omg a typos! can we get her on that? I cant wait to eat her alive...thats what most people have going on inside...glad I didnt realize it as fully as I do now that Im old...thank god I guess.

I can't remember if I did an IP analysis of this first post below in attached (from one of my message boards, but since everyone knows lawyers rarely email, the post was probably a lawyer thinking he or she was being clever..or it could have been chris r or the Bolls or Lipko very likely...sounds almost like...but dont pretend to know....just have it today 7 yrs later to try to explain what people have been putting me through all these years based on pure unadulterated hatred..for no reason...The only thing Im ashamed of in my life is the amount of water I waste and paper towels I use and a couple fo stupid things I said but have asked forgiveness from the people themselves (cowards go to only god now that I think of it)...

Notes to self...but how cool that they are read by stacey. (sadly facebook lost its balls...the perfect forum to hash stuff out! Why not? because someone with bigger secrets and most of the money took over? Or the police took it over and just like the tired lazy minded parent who relies on "BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!" to rule the home people think they'd rather be censored-shockingly such cowardice) Anyway I know  because of the treatment by the safety in numbers mentality at odp that they know...along with getting a warning from fb for writing to Stacey and John "How dare you!" Imagine? Instead f just writing ANYTHING AT ALL back they insted go to have you banned from fb! As if you deserver to die on the internet! NO more fun for you! Internet jail for you! The poeple who think like this are sadly SO many....this I have realized to late in life maybe....I need to say this stuff because Ive been made to feel in my life I need to protect myself from a MACHINE of lies...

Although I may sound like Im brutally attacking someone, in fact they have hurt me deeply to the point that I am so at the end of my rope I am literally dismayed, beyond dismayed. I was healthier at teh age of 46 than I was in my twenties or at least just as healthy...yet a community of yoga teachers will organize their stories to give everything they have, even their souls because they lie, everything and anything just to wrestle with my integrity. My integrity which is in ICU at this point....but if you're feeling my arrogance? Its just a refusal to be extinguished by the pettiest people on the planet. No way. That just doesnt make sense....so petty, so hateful, so backwards, so incapable of a simple acknowldegement, so stupidly stubborn you have no choice but to rip them apart on a page...like Stacey story below. As I was reading it months later I barely understood what I was saying...it's more of a note to self, because its important enough to write about CLEARLY one day. Because those women in that scenario are worthy of the petri dish-so at least a mention of injustice serves to stave off some of the brokenheartedness. Supposedly some kid threatened the local school where I live to the point it became statewide news...but according to some of the kids in the school no one knows who this kid is. Do parents tell their kids to say that to avoid conversation about it? A culture based on so many lies its impossible not to rationalize some lies as not being short paths to darkness...the darkness everyone claims they want to move away from...but are stuck in seeing "light" as color. They'll say light is yellow. Then remember yellowish white, then remember just white representing nothingness...imagine a policing mindset that polices the words on the age...whats scary about Big Brother isnt the watching whats scary is the unconsciously, political, and self serving ways human beings prey on each other like hunters..I find it amazing that I get in trouble for photographng or writing about bad shit in my life when it gets in my way....I would never go out of my way to tread on anyone's choices, or privacy lightly. Even the poeple who piss me off. I recently have been getting dissed by the wheel chair bound and mentally retarded....and I need to worry about them finding this on their own? Or because SOMEONE ELSE who hates me is conspiring and would actually fall into this trap of making sure feelings get hurt because theyre just that stupid....r, s, if youre reading this hang in there-you know what Im saying....its all love in the end.

I write online as if Im 8 years old writing in the little dime store My Diaries with the teeny golden key security of any bobby pin. The most important thing I learned in college was how joyous life can be by not having any secrets. This scares people more often than I ever would have imagined I think because so many people have built their glass menageries, and with their children indirectly involved-they can behave like wild animals. That's natural but what is not natural is their refusal to not always go to the fight-more on that later . People use their children like shields when it suits them but then abuse them through so much parental denial.

How ridiculous would it be for anyone to want to shut me up? I have so many typos because I really do not give a shit if anyone reads my diary as much as

I felt this overbearing need to explain a few things however, because the only joy in getting older is to watch younger people's thought processes forming....feeling like if it is this simple...how could it not be fixable.

The dreams I had for my life....for the past 45 years I have been keeping records of some sort....maybe its from overwhelming (and chronic) feelings of loneliness. How could I not be fascinated with the pure evil that oozes out of a school teachers heart and make art out of it...ask, invite her and everyone to analyze? To ask why. Because if the question, the problem gets addressed and answer is not only possible. The answer is inherent in the question.