NutriBullet of LOve

I was seduced by the idea that I am capable of making $20 a month enough to be able to afford one of those nutribullet things...Ive wanted one since I first saw them in 2005 I think...David Wolf selling it did me in, I had to have it...and Im feeling the love already....I made my own V8ish drink with spinach and Kale this am and really do feel the medicinal effects of packed nutrients Im sure.

Im writing about it so as to hopefully reinforce for myself the wonderful feeling I hope isn't just in my head...I feel high from spinach and kale... I heated up spme curried cauliflower potato soup I made and added it to raw spinch and kale and flax seed in my bullet...I put too much spinach so the flavor of mowed lawn (wheat grass juice really) was a little overpowering, but my body was so vraving more of the nutirents it felt, like instantly, I overlooked it (of course the buttered croissants I had with it made it delicious....point is I felt the sugar cravings diminishing...although I am going to eat at least one peabut butter cookie I just found...at least recognizing that Im eating to feel some kind of physical connection to the wold as Ive been left to be basically on my brb

 

Minorities Reach Out to Whites

Marc fucking Rubio is all but declaring war on CSpan right now. What a self important jerk..same old cliche nada nothingness Nationalistic, empty words, faux passion, "God blessed me with the blessing of..." Jeezuz! "If you work hard and play by the rules! That is who we are that is who we have always been!" Then everyone applauds..for what??? That means NOTHONG@! How many presidnets have said that in my lifetime...slave driver figure heads for the corporations who are determoined to make people sudenly like Romney ...what a jpke..,....The GOP could get a can of spam elected, and the Dems have to be as bad as them in their own ways to keep up...Poor Obama...all that brain power hung up with the pupeteers...Marc Rubio is like Mario Lanza...its like he is singing with lovely rythmn, a nice voice, and carefully memorized other peoples ideas and principals....repeating shit-basically saying nothing but its so crafted people will fall for it...crazy....I still cant get over that horrible Jimmy Kimel video...

5pm I had a simple smoothie with half almond milk (unsweetened-so soy milk vanilla added for that little extra with banan, strawber, papaya, chia, flax, raisns, walnuts, coconut sugar...fckn delicious...would be amazing if i can try to stick with it...

 

Where Racism Comes from

Today the front door lock is busted (2nd time this week) so I have to walk thru tall grass and mosquitos to get inside...The same "guest" neighbir who stole my 20, who stained the dryer was given teh same badly cut key she gives her "guests" every few months. They impatiently jiggle the hell out of it kicking it until its finally broken for everyoone...and the thing is...they dont bothetr to ever get their key re cut...they'll keep doing it and keep doing it...all the times Ive walked downstairs to let them in (mostly younger adults and I nicely suggest they get a new key cut,...we have no ability to buzz poeple in anymore because the people they rent from broke it so many times when they used to ive here...it never ends....and what pisses me off isnt the stupidty if they keep it amongst themselves, they will piss in on the stopp and if you complain about it that makes you a snitch lol...just start slapping man...
How weird was that when they (meaning the TV folk) played JackieO tapes (last year?) for the first time where we hear her diss MLK? How crazy was that? She seemed to have the impression that he was laughing at the funeral of JFK? Never thought to be a hallucinating woman right? Whether she was mistaken, or maybe it was true...the way the TV folk are so quick to white wash and pasteurize all information is more the problme...its like no one is allowed to blurt anything out, and then just fkn maybe end up seeing they were wrong? Apologizing...and eureka we get to be human...as opposed to this artivial life support of pteridish asexual nascar nation of 200 mph musical chair pointlessness...Jane Kunt would never apologize to me because her hope in life is to make sure I never get record straightened out....Hatre is colorless....to believe otherwise only means you have your own shit to work thru...and everyone is allowed to be stupid....everyome is allowed to evolve...problem is we have put a lid on this freedom for so long that if everyone starts exercising it at once, it could cause tidal waves...but you cant stop the oceans...

There is learned racism compared with actual, learned, occurrence, experience of the closedminded short sighted stupidty and hating...of course its not a good thing but why pretend its as simple as switching feelings on and off?  I feel so bad for all these years of making fun of the white man for the sake of  nothing more than the empowerment of, and another color of mistakes...its all hypocrisy, everyone is racist a little...just as everyone has stupidity moments...and to pretend otherwise is a disservice...of what seems to be a way of life for a whole lot of people who share small spaces, cant get it together to live in a house so entire extended family is in a 2 bedroom apt type situation....In the middle of an argument with my worst neighbor a couple of months ago  I screamed at him "You're turning me into a racist!" The look on his face was so completely confused it was pretty hysterical when I think about it now. Because in that moment he knew, growing up across from me for 11(+) years, he knows I am not, or didnt used to be anyway, racist. I know racism is stupid intellectually because, well actually it depends on who youre talking with because...I mean in all my years, living in westchester, manhattan (for 8 years) other states, CA, FL, NC, Europe...I never had a racist bone in my body. But in this town, city...? I thought of a good way to describe it a little while ago, by realizing that it has been 10 years of, at times, a daily occurrence when someone has threatened me. I don't even know the name of the girl that destroyed the NEW dryer yesterday. But I do know that if I were to dare ask her what it is to try to fix the problem...I could be risking loosing teeth, or at least get a screaming at that would make anyone feel that was coming next (and if I talk to say Kathy W lol...she'll be like "Oh! Poor thing? Maybe a psychiatrist? As if she would make a better social scientist project out of the damage) I mean afterall..." So much hypocrisy, so much bs...and the only thing that has to change is proper recognition...This is the same chick who Im pretty sure got my $20 too...but look what she did. This was a brand new within the year dryer-now no one in the building can use it, and dare I say boo? I'd have police on me because they gang up on you and make up stories the...come on man Ive done my time! (Someone get me out of here?)

Dear great writer people, or anyone really, everyone most likely who thinks Im judgeable Please at least try to see it? Be here with me in the end.....Im not writing here. Im inventing. Im talking. Im exploring, BRAVELY ALONE (should I link yet again the video of last summer-I was totally minding my own business, perhaps cyber warring with FL because of what had just happened there-but basically just trying to do my best healing from broken back and my own ever widening obesity...I was FOCUSED on positivity for myself completely without any other choice or it really was over for me. ..but the obese white neighbors across the hall decided to pick a war with me because I was parking in the shady visitor's spot basically...anyway the point is that when I'm not bothering anybody, and out of the blue Im dragged into another bs scenario with an idiot neighbor.. I dropped a piece of paper outside my door with the words "Dear Students of Christ the King" The police were at my door roughing me up, trying to come into my apt for 30 minutes, and thanks to Steve Jobs the entire bullshit-u-not incident is on youtube(please step off) But what the african american neighbors do, break doors, have drunken episode never to regain trust... where doors are  broken down and cops constantly called on each other like nanies...its unreal-Ive lived with poor people, poor areas but nothing like this...and these are condos So I know better than to generalize and yet, whatever! I've been RUINED and no one cares to even acknowledge-Ive been left for dead so long-there's no turning it around-so now I have to decide how Im going out.....period...Im getting old, Im pissed and I know good will come from my openness thats excercised for the simple reason that this is the very problem in the first place-the lack of open-ness, it is the tolerance of the bullshit factor, the acceptance out of convenience thats the exact problem-it is way too high for too long....I have no kids, I have nothing to loose, no one will miss me...Im not suicidal, but Id rather go out telling it like it is :) Marcel Bobe and her shining path from Brazil can take a hike.

Every week there's destruction, filth, police....they're animal who just happened to be african american...I wouldnt wish this on any of the towns that have so far been spared...and thank god I do know black who woudl agree..some who even like me..

I amazed at how often, the sheer number of people, so frequently resort to threats of calling police on each other-like kids caling mom- say they want to have me arrested anytime I sneeze...fucking amazing... Im talking! Im not writing oh great writers who sucked the wrong dicks thinking that was what they wanted and then would get angry at the poeple who's positions they backstabbed and sabotaged them to get...it's like perpetual infancy....truly emotional retardation-makes you feel so hopeless theres really nothing to do but dive into the bliss of Bauby (NOT to be confused with Bobe? Bobbee?) ...people are so spiteful its amazing. brb

Looking For A Friend for The End

June 22nd the ad said this new movie is coming out "Seeking a Friend for the End" so glad someone is finally realizing that concpet of what it might be like if it were the last days....nice to think comedy, and making the best, insight enough to actually deter from happening etc...what am I talking about? Oh ya what I meant to say in previous post...that I cant believe I ever gave a shit about getting along with so many ashoel in my life who may have thought they held something over me...certainly most of all the Yoga Coven of Westchester....brb pizza is ready again

Westchester Post Yoga Review

When was it decided that my opinion doesn't matter? My whole beef is with the irony that my opinion doesn't matter to anyone else and I have no problem with that...its when they keep having to come after me enough to render me unemployable...I mean at this point it obviously looks like Im just plain being my own worst enemy,  to anyone reading this who has no idea, no background Im well aware I sound nutty...I count on my sloppiness to bore peopel away because Im really only writing to stop eating english muffin pizzas...I must have eaten 75,000 caloreis this week...I cant even look at myself, I will never weigh myself again..Ive officially stopped caring as much as I keep trying to get myself to practice as intensely as I used to...the will, the care, its just gone..Im no longer a part of the future...and Ive accepted that...stories are eternal and will always be a part but in life....I could care a less anymore...the idea that I ever wasted my time trying to get along with a bunch of yoga cunts...fucking witches....and them men love the wtches...and I would never have survived the caliber of killing mindset thats taken over my sleepy hollow...I truly do find solice in diareah of the mind and fingertips here....Id rather go out bitching and calling spade spade...ords are just so much fun....pizza is my date again tonight...I just ate all 3 Haagen daz dark chocolate covered dark chocolate ice cream bars...life could be worse right Bikram...its just so crazy that all I wanted to do was disappear in total committment to that yoga...make so much money Id keep my mouth shut for the same reason everyone does-to maintain lifestyle security

Exploring My Inner Racist

Come on? Wouldn't that be interesting? Fascinating perhaps scientific? Sociologically, psychologically worthy of spending time on. Studying. Examining. Diagnosing.  Theorizing in order to hypothesis and conclude with a cure for fucks sake...I've never been a goddam racist in my life and everyone knows it. I was trained even by my father at the age of six when I literally had just used the word black literally but an awkwardness came up when he instructed me on how wrong it was to ever not be delicate, and I grew up naively feeling guilty for being white, actually I never once in my life ever really felt white...I dont know what "white' means in fact other than a retarded excuse for a brawl and a way of getting away with mass rape...when the men just blow up. Have had it up to here with the bullshit? Create a distraction from their failure by the millions? War is coming people! I hope even my neighbors know me, judge me, fairly enough to admit it would be weird to watch me turn into a racist...or in fact expose one that lingers inside? For being stuck in a nasty ghetto of backwards stupid people...ok like...so...this is how it is...The nasty girl-woman(?) who bit my head off earlier today simply because I'd asked her if she found a $20 bill I'd dropped....She may has well typed up a confession...I mean what a fucking asshole. I couldnt have been more polite, respectful, to the point...had never seen this "niece" of yet another neighbor to botch about I guess...anyway the point is, I find this to be true with many black people in the tbldg I live in. They would rather flush money down a toilet than ever apologize to me...oh except these beautiful girls who moved out of their grandma's place, whose names I never even knew but they were nice, a little loud at times, but totally normal fun loving kids who almost always seemed like perfect good people you'd be glad to have as a neighbor...but the rest of them...it is like coexisting with a prison life without walls. They call the police on each other the way by brother and I used to call our mom at work when we fought, or couldnt have our way. Kids probably call the police for less nowadays with all the media encouragement of believing in this myth of a priestly guy in unifomr...as if grasshoppers from kung fu...Im tired of hating the police. I know what a stupid thing that is to say...there are just no words sometimesIve forgotten what IM talking about.

Oh yes. People I cant escape from because they steal the lousy $20 I have to make last for 2 weeks....fine...I found money a few weeks ago, no karma with cash they say because that was one of the best feelings of elation...it wasn't that much I first saw it and was ecstatic it might be thousands lol...but honestly here's another use for the internet. I rationalized that because bank was closed Imagine a little bit of money making you feel that way? $20 makes me feel that way. I dropped that $20 last night when I pulled keys out of pocket, and as luck would have it found it again hrs later...when my dog had to go out just in time to lead me like lassie right up to it, as in sniffing it and looking up at me-it was hysterical, and hours later. So lucky...but when I crumpled it up with keys and a bag, and I was hurried back inside by the feeling of danger from some other ass neighbor downstairs...oh this is too tedious....but i heard the people across the hall come in behind me (this is all going on around at 2am) but anyway I know 99.9 she found it because of the way they acted when I simply inquired this morning, around noonish...the first girl, the daughter, she's really sweet actually, hard not to believe her abut then again she was not at all, in the least concerned, couldnt get away fast enough, didn't even offer to ask anyone else in the apt...and the cherry on top...when I was walking the dog below their window I heard her refer to me as "psycho", because words like "next door" and a guilty kind of whispery...anyway the point is the way the "niece" spoke to me a little while after that was out of control...Its got nothing to do with the $20...it has to do with the joy this girl feels in knowing it's my $20 she found...they laugh, its funny....facsinating...the money is only a minor detail...Its like I live in a goddam zoo...and Ive actually been writing BLOGGING since late 90s calling myself Jane Goodall of Humans so as to try to not loose it, feel a purpose, a clue...people are so fucking fucked...from the combination of self importance and stupidty...incapable of mediating...the opposite of the right stuff... its the worse to be so disrespected by...oh and tonight I noticed that the "niece" DESTROYED the

When I thought about it later, thought about the money I'd found and compared the situations, but that's the thing...I was raised to have a conscience. If someone came up to me and ASKED me, I'd give it right back. I wouldn't even consider mortgaing my soul, unless actually I truly despised them I must confess...so ya a lot of similarities..But basically the point is normal situation, I would cave, and Im not ashamed of that...Black people in my building think you're either weak or stupid if you try to do the right thing...the things is I only think about this shit when they're stealing from me, destroying my property...it was so embarrassing last summer when this guy I really like came over and called it "The Projects".. the floors are all stained, they bust open the doors, it is like a fucking zoo...Latino men are pretty gallant and black men, strong enough to matter of a certain age are good about offering to assist without being told to by their moms, if they see an old woman struggling etc...but under the age of say, mid twenties-30s, they come up with excuses like "I put my shoulder out, lame excuses..." true little girl laziness....actually very much a generational thing and a regional thing...

What would Mary Kennedy have revealed about her tormented life in a blog? If everyone would just blog, it would take the sting out of trillions of confessions that will come out in one way or another....It makes no sense that Ive been so hated in my life, and so for exploring as to why that might be this way, I bring on my own end I guess is the common view....or isnt this amazing? words SO very precious, so powerful....but caged fighter mentality is one of few words...like they way animals are just as gorgeous to behold when no one is left to behold them? Fuck you black neighbors I hate...and Please accept my apologize black neighbors I mostly like very much...oce in a while you need to turn open the ugly...only to find how not as ugly it is at all...just dangerous because poeple are alwasy sniffing out for something to fight with or to kill...

I called the Yonkers fired dept today (as anonymously as possible of course) to ask Chief Fitzpatrick what he knew about the last fire and enormous settlement against Dunham paint...no one answered.. maybe thats good for me...like an environmental wise guy..

Fuck You

Thanks.

FedExorcise Your Mind and the Rest Will Follow

My first reaction was to want to talk about why people should protect Kennedy from the certain to come unfair, imbalanced scrutiny that is sure to come. Although I do still fell that way, I heard him say, on TV anyway, something that infuriated me. It made me remember that, other than my mother just barely a week before, Robert F. Kennedy Jr was the first human being ever to speak the insulting words to me "You should seek professional help." This for showing up for a scheduled, a planned date and time to have coffee. A meeting for what I truly believed to be an opportunity to show him I was a trustworthy and credible person so he would want to help me with the Deborah Moore Beating Case. I went shopping at Macy's in White Plains the day before for fuck sake...check out my witness: The store manager there at the time, late summer or fall 1993, who I had confessed to that I had once switch a price tag for an item of clothing so I could afford it and how guilty I felt because I loved Macy's so much....the guy discounted already discounted stuff to major percentages off.. God I love Macy's and I STILL owe them $200 I never paid off on my first (and only) Macy's credit card.....Im just trying to say that even though I was HOMELESS and squatting in a fucking restaurant in Harrison at the time, I was far from despairing because I was still the princess even without money....although Kennedy had major testosterone that felt almost sexually irresistible, I was focused on trying to get him to see the injustice of what had happened to me so he would see how he could help me...so no fucking around never happened and wasn't the plan...but being a young attractive woman at the time (and obviously still naive) the circle of people, everyone from Cronin to his first wife were peeking in at us talking, as if the alarms were going off...I tried to just remain neutral and not judge...anyway my point is he seemed that he understood how unfair everyone could be..but I never really had the time to prepare him for the crazy stories and so never felt comfortable just blurting it out...I was hurting no one, but the bullying (mostly if not totally) came from Cronin to the point where a fight between he and I got back to Bobby, and when I called to tell my side he didnt even want to hear it...the first thing he said was "Please just go find help. Do not ever call back again!" To his credit he did give me an opportunity to explain, and it was a year later when I used Douglas's name to get past the receptionist that he made it clear he was pissed beyond repair...then crazy funky shit started to happen...coincidence Im sure...but Kennedy Power is as Star Wars huge as it gets...like their own CIA lol...I really believe that...and so what, good for them they can protect themselves to the best of their ability...

So it pisses me off that he would resort to saying to news cameras "she had emotional problems" when that has always been my peeve, how those are too often the words people choose out of time convenience, simply because they've decided they're past giving a shit...he apologized but it happened again within the year...because that's what happens with all busy people and you dont matter enough 2 them. So I got over it...But I remember a weird happening with a trooper named kennedy within a month or so) that felt coincidentally threatening enough to make me wonder how enormous the machine is that is in existence to always keep Kennedies all powerful...because it sounds so paranoid-that's why you cant even talk about it-shit they could kill me for being sloppy and selfish and STUPID enough to blab my crap on and on like this but thats what Ive been reduced to. I would never believe in a million years Bobby would physically hurt a mother of his kids in a way that would hurt the kids, and is too spiritual a person to not be haunted by something like that etc....But most people, or many people are capable of resorting to easy way outs...Ive been left with enough nothing to drown myself in.....but I guess thats where I too am a little suicidal I guess...physical tolls are taken where you just get burned out by the stupidty...did Jane Kartsch get some of her intel via other yoga lawyers from Pace ? (Answer oh yes. But I try not to make reference to the snatcheur). Its a small goddam world-Ive wondered about every possibility to try to understand who destroyed my life after the initial police beating...this was how BULLYING became my word to describe the childish way wealthy powerful adults around me would step on you like a bug...just like the coincidence where the night Mary was found dead, I wrote about the river turning into gelatin and then check that out...it did just that...Im sickened by it, not like I made it happen...more like another warning from god...how else are we supposed to talk to each other? WHy bother talking to each other...Bauby Bauby...Omg if anyone found me murdered and it looked even a tad like suicide, that would be a happy day for hundreds of people...how scary is that...? Not scary when you realize who wants to live with peole like that anyway. But is that how Mary K felt? Or was she perhaps an unworthy neurotic ass underneath a great show? I only say that sarcastically because I tend to think she probably wasnt....also this is how terrorism will evolve.: Prominent people we look up to are easily set up as targets in frame jobs and set ups...thats why education is so important, or used to be anyway before we all started pretending anyone who has children gets automatic sainthood and overpopulation growth, the blatant cheapening of life is the main source of all that is wrong with the world-cheap life cheap decisions made by the most short sighted of us because they love money the most-thats all-the people most willing and ABLE to kill will always be good at maintaining their lives-nobody's saying nobody's toopid...just the big "all for what" question is all...for all I know Mary Kennedy was truly a wack job and hurt her own children behind the scenes...but probably not....If I were the head of Al Quida I would set up my enemies leaders with ugly feuding distracting finger pointing...so their base goes to shit...its no one's business but the family what happened to Mary...Both families...actually anyone who wants to know has the right to at least ask....questions always have answers....and even if someone takes 50 years to answer, they best start taking that time asap. Live life. Happiness...?

There are other less damaging ways to be more to the point than to have to launch innocent people into lalabellevueassumptionLand. I find it hard to believe that anyone BKennedy would marry would be capable of doing anything to hurt her children and self important enough to kill themselves even if wasted...what impressed me most about Bobby Kennedy was how down to earth and real he was in the very little amount of time I got to talk to him. How special and safe I felt (imagined myself to be) just from a remote association, Minutes that would probably barely add up to an hour or two in total, person or over the phone but I turned him onto Nick Drake :) ... So, but, Im not trying to imply I know shit about the man...just want to say a mild fuck you to him and suggest he show more respect to his wife's memory. Leave it alone? I hate secrets. I hate bullshit. I hate not knowing why I was robbed of everything that could have been since January 11, 1993.

The stupid way that just because I was a woman Cronin reduced me to a groupie looking to get laid etc...THAT closedmindedness is in direct relation to why DJ Henry was shot and killed, why Kenneth Chamberlain was shot and killed...I was trying to make people see that color and race has less to do with it all, then the plain old, sheer love of violence...just as men like football and boxing and pretend rape isnt a part of sexual drive deep down inside of human natural behavior-why be carfeul with sex when their are Pampers that need to be manufactured and sold as many as possible to make those in power already more rich because they're too busy being that disconnected... "Profiling" is an excuse word...it distracts from finding better ways to vent our hatred...Black History month? I never had a racist bone in my body until I started noticing the people who destroyed my life (cept Jane Kartsch) have all been black....just today neighbors steal my last $20 and you see them, and you confront them and they will kill you for it of you push to hard..It snot like I want to fight with them-butthe irony asks to be recognized sometimes man. Its not something Im gonna get into but I resent not being allowed to explore my very REAL experience getting in touch with my own ability to turn into a racist-why not? because we have to pretend hot headed black people don't abound, usually LOOKING for a DISAGREEMENT most of the time? At least half the time...its so pathetic I simply pray to get me th ehel away from their ghettos...living amongst the poor in NY most of my adult life...a bunch of stupid, violent, shortsighted uneducated, indiffernt often time soul-less killers...FACT...I'll never forget when JFK Jr was once quoted as saying "Poor people are stupid" and got in trouble for that...when it's SO very much so the most goddam accurate truth....but all the happy white town folk dont live with it so they'd be quick to call whiners like me "racist" for babbling, venting about the REALITY they're buffered from. When I grew up in Croton I was practically made to feel guilty there were not equal numbers of black students, all I can say now is THANK GOD it was exactly as it was. Im far from being stupid enough to believe it has anything to do with skin color-and know its all to do with evolution of human intelligence and how bitterness, backwardness of black community will be the end-just like original planet of the apes and the small percentage of fantaitic african americans (in comparison to the whole of 17 year old getting present as we speak)  know this is true-nothing to do with color-just too many doughnuts on the kidneys and brains...... However all races at this point, everyone will have a hand in the undoing...think of what the universe would look like Jupiter would be wearing giant gold dangles and space would be counterfeit YvesSTLauent background image....gas guzzling explorers would be the goal-because thats human nature...we've taken for granted for too long how precariously its been so cush for so long...damn Ive been lucky in my life in spite of everything.........Im sick of it ALL THE BULLSHIT....sorry bobby but I was disgusted when you (and I think youre sister) used the cop out words "emotional problems" to MILLIONS of people who will see that. Bullshit  when people say there doesnt have to be stigma attached to accusations of being "crazy".when THERE ALWAYS GODDAM WILL BE WHEN PROMINENT PEOPLE ARE THE ONE'S MAKING THE DECLARATION!!!!!! .I was jokingly once referred to as "Crazy Raina" by Chris Webber in 5th grade now that I think of it however. But that was because I was really funny - or at least how it seemed to me..let's ask him! Hey Chris? Did you think I needed to see a psychiatrist when we were 11? - Raina Mugs

The Scream

Side note, in no way did I mean to imply I was raped by Bikram. I actually had Jane Kartsch's face in my mind when I made the general reference...although Deborah Moore is the rapist...these women are like that rape scene in the movie Nell , where Natasia Richardson's character rapers Nell against her will with a needle...In 1991 the closet thing to the internet would have been talking to someone in the news or entertainment bizz.  I was always told to keep them seperate, and for not listening, for not following orders (who knew the ARMY runs everything) I never made a dime...but look at my WITNESSED (even the rape-because the guy had a photog roommate who looked at me like garbage fro not seeming to know how to react to what had happened the very next morning...George Michael's FREEDOM had just come out...he was blasting his new copy proudly.

I believe it was 1991. In my very first meeting with an A&R person at Atlantic records, I talked about of all things,  my experience being date raped. Shared with him the insight it had given me, being able to talk about it rather easily, because I had been drugged by an acquaintance and was unconscious etc,  as opposed to the cliche association with violent rape at gun point etc. I was likely the FIRST woman to not hide it like a secret when it came to NATIONAL FORUM.  I don't think it was even 6 months later when Tori Amos (Atlantic) came out with R.A.I.N.N... That guy was only trying to hit on me of course (Al Smith how ya doing?) But that doesnt mean coffee with Danny or Ahmet doesnt include my words...

The point is not to sound like an attention seeking asshole - the point is the irony that not only do I deserve so much more recognition than Ive ever gotten in my life, they still come after me, chip away at me....sometimes I think my internet is like closed circuit TV and like a cybe The Truman Show online...that no one ever really reads it....Like The Scream is my portrait.

Modesty, Humility...so unamerican?

I think American media makes the mistake (or decision?) of thinking that the rest of the world is prudish about sex, and thats why the fattest, oldest, most disgustingly unattractive people by the millions are encouraged to Jerry Springer themslves onto even a dr oz show - as if we're supposed to be comfortable imagining your graphic questions as normal...as if being robbed of dignity and worthy of taking out with violent physical ways because there's no stopping the stupidity? As ridiculous as Charles Taylor sounds to CNN, so does George Bush sound internationally...the ostrich better wake up...

Go fuck yourself Bikram

Just felt like saying that. Its my duty as an American to practice my freedom of speech as the world is slowly being taken over by the Asian fatalism that makes you who you are I guess...That's also a message from the Hawaiian contractor who's wife was diagnosed with breast cancer, who dared question you and you were so happy about her karmic diagnosis a few weeks after...laughing about her, warning us that if we ever speak badly of you etc....For 5 years I waited for you to set the record straight....so Im calling you and your hypocrisy out until you give my mother her money back and compensate me for 5 years of my life pissed away based on the fabricated hate of Jane Kunt.

Listen to my roommates at training! http://www.sundancefilm.org and then know that I once sat down with Mrs Choudhury and the second roommate you hear on second part of audio, "Victoria" the menopausal anorexic with all of her "supplements" I discreetly suggested maybe that was what was making her act this way or maybe she was taking steroids etc (every goddam day for almost 2 months I had to live with this shit) and Rajashree looked at me and said "And so what if she is!? I see YOU too!" That was everything she said. ALL she had to say. Offered absolutely nothing but maybe 10 seconds of cliche new age gibberish. To this day I have no idea what she was talking about since I never did anything other than bring her name up when he husband exposed his wee wee to me. Trying to politely bow out of insulting Bikram sexual flattery.....Who would add to that degulase, on top of that who would say Im looking for attention by loosing it publicly this way? How could that not make anyone want to vomit on a time square screen in order to adequately express just how offtrack they are....not the kind of thing I want to even have any image of in my head let alone anyone else's.

FREE FREE FREE. These assholes only know how to wish people pain and death...all under the guise of health and yoga...did I say FUCK YOU ALREADY? This is how we turn into China. People love their No Censorship T shirts...but god forbid a rape victim should dare be ALLOWED to describe what happened any way she wants, anywhere she wants, certainly online where no one is required to read! You FUCKED me. Welcome to YOUR story...in order to sue you have to prove its not true. since i can prove any goddam thing because Deborah Moore turned me into fucking Richard Nixon 18 years ago...sense how Im not worried about saying whatever the fuck I want INSTEAD of killing myself? If I am EVER found of an apparent suicide I promise I didnt do it. The only time I would kill myself would be when Im being physically tortured, so far...ya well ok I guess I just learned something about myself. Isnt this fun! Space travel! Weeeee!

Well its time to start trying to get my fat ass into the hot room to practice the yoga I still love however....

The Celebration in TN

Jackie McDonald applying drops Mustard oil or Croton oil then rap them with this plastic bat to burn into the flash of the horse.....putting metal chains on the open sores....these people should be killed. They whip the horses who refuse to get up. Try to say his alone, but 52 different owner's horses tested positive for these scars and substances....this sint 10 people this is MOST people.

Men like to work in "constsrsuction" or "demolition" because most are capable of this kind of thing...

Please Don't

The planet could blow. Totally fucking blow at any given moment when 2 feuding idiots decide we all are going down, because they're under the impression we love them that much....the truth is people are predominantly as easy as sheep, both a sad, and yet beautiful thing....so the powers, as we like to call them in the biz, invest in this kind of control of the stock market of telling poeple what to buy, what to believe. Even the words buy and believe at what point became so easily interchangeable interchangeable? Milton Glazier fun? Or something much more sinsiter...anyone it is turning into Farenheit 421.  This was the very first thing I learned on my first day studying as an undergrad. The second most important thing I learned at a totally different school 2-3 years later, was that ther eis no such thing as privacy. Actually that's probably the most important hands down.

I remember when something happened to Hillary Clinton in the news and the buzz words at the time were "She thinks she's special. Above the law...etc etc..." It became like a trained mantra for years, but right away I tried to point out, even argued that this covetous jealousy greener on the other side thinking was like injecting a dose of stupidity. I convincedwritten by the same idiot who first said "Freedom isn't Free" (God I can only imagine how much of an alky that guy became).

When I first heard the words "...blah..blah...robert kennedy jr...found dead" I almost fainted from the overwhelming feeling of everything going black, the hudson turned into giant vein of gelatinous black slime and I realized more than ever that all of us, ay of us are vulnerable to being set up.....it felt like I immediately saw an oil company's plot....then when I heard it was his wife I still saw the plot unfolding...

I'll discuss more in the future as it seems cold and inappropriate to talk this way right now...but I say this to try to point out how cruelly the media and the powers love to set up Kennedy scandals. More likely conspiracy than curse, and anyone who can't see that is too goddam stupid to waste time on...my grandmother was right. Television is the embodiment of evil...It was so fun to watch tho I didnt get that as a kid.

I mentioned the planet could blow at any minute, but I meant to talk about how the cruelly fabricated news stories we chose to entertain ourselves with are so brilliantly based on circumstantial evidence...and thats exactly why its all so sinister.  Whether it's a Buttofucko with a hard on for 15 year olds or its the family of RFK who had his head blown off 40something years ago, TV news makers and audiences only want thir hunger games....whatever is convenient....there is no fixing that other than bitching about it...

Allow me to break the Kennnedy curse for us all right now? Or don't tell me? It seems less entertaining for you to give up your soap operas? News people are the scum of the earth, and the police, when theyre not shooting or beating to death the most vulnerable in society have the biggest hard on for following orders when raises are invloved....only one person has to suggest the slightest shady thing, oh an dthey will...and we continue to torment the children of the best opportunity this country had to try to find dignity, be as an example...blew his brains out, frame someone with dark skil...and encourage everyone to talk about a curse, so they never are again able to have real power, unless they want to be blown up too...tahst why they hire puppets like Romney...because the humans capable of actually being a leader aren't stupid enough to die for a majority of obese donut addict self help circles of swirlie gossip....Its because I know it will always be that way....that I write with as much heart as I piss...It has to happen....Leave the fucking kennedies alone for fucksake. If she threatened to kill herself 1000 times, once...no matter it's easy to stage a murder, along with setting up the family member with an intelligence enough to herd the largest flocks away from the darkside...

omg here goes Cynthia McFadden, dramatically starting with the 2 c words: Camelot and curse....you'd think after all the luncheons she's probably shared with the family(?) she'd be less propagandic...

brb

for no particular reason I Just googled "Bedford Barn Fire" because I think a few weeks ago there was a strange incident....horse head type shit....and I clicked on this, a stort about a bunch of youths in Bedford PA...I dont have my glasses so could barely read it-was trying to understnd why a bunch of kids would do this sort of thing....I say contractors pay them and threaten to kill them if they choose to take the chance and get caught....money will make anyone do anything...sadly But the point is Barn burnings across the country in towns named Beford (around same time?) just makes you realize how anyone could be behind anything...Its like we like to pretend there are 7 serial psycho killers on the planet and chances of running into one are like lottery odds...but reality check....I say more than half the population are animal torturers without souls...even if they only stand by and watch...pathetic...or maybe the last owner of "THE Bedford Barn" was driven out of his property and lost it, and is going around burning bedford barns down...people are too stupid and indifferent to ask questions...u can get in a lot of trouble JUST for asking questions....

http://bedfordcountyfreepress.com/?p=20465#comments

Proud. Momentarily Hopeful.

I am so proud of the Tappan Zee Residents tonight. Just saw this Carol King looking lady give these morons representing Satan Inc Construction Int'l absolution. The spokesperson for the Project seemed busted open, revealing the shame....Go residents. Fight 2 the death.

 

 The well spoken woman's name is Ellen Kellerman I just noticed the now have included her name under her face, however the cut out what she says...how china. Either she'll became a well known organizer or the powers will introduce some kind of distracting tragedy into her life to silence her...as wonderful as life and people can be I will never understand why people are in such denial of the reality of what most people are capable of when huge money, or even a little bit of money is involved. Designer sabotage either leaves people destroyed socially (like me) playing into any already established flaws or will poison them with slow acting cancer that even if it doesnt kill them, throws them off their game etc...this is the kind of thing most people are capable of...because thats how they show their love to their families...stupid ity etc....all for what..

But anyway hopefully Ellen Kellerman and Charles Komanoff will get together and inspire the crowds to reveal the true problem of rapid OVER population growth. The "dream act" sounds so noble but counterfeit money displacing impoverished people from the self hatred. kidnapping, hijackogs in their lawless countries only cheapens all that was once good and bring all that shit here...the nightmare act...a small dose of honesty is all it would take...but people prefer the stupidty...

Hate Bikram Still Love the Yoga

My body is so sickly, hurts so much IM almost tired of it-dont ever feel like taking care of it these days-very hard to trick myself into practicing. It took me almost 3 hours to start this morning. Finally got in there. The fan from heater was so loud it was hard to distinguish some very interesting sounds that started to work on my ability to concentrate but brought me to a wonderful realization too.

I started to hear this distant whistle. Too high pitched for the fire whistle I remember as a child growing up, but a few minutes later I started to notice the neighbors dog going crazy barking the way they do when firewhistle blows., setting off my dog too....its actually the nuclear power plant whistle when it goes off in my neighborhood so...for a moment I thought "Oh? Earthquake? SF Fire situation?" I honestly imagined the whole world blowing up for a moment and I didnt want to stop doing my breathing....The only thing that made me want to open the door was to reassure my pup...but when I realized he'd also stopped barking because he saw I was relaxed thru the door-everything was ok...for a few seconds...

That is until I couldnt turn my mind off. Because the dog thru the wall didnt stop for almost 20-30 mins (ruFFly) I started thinking I was being a bad neighbor, that maybe someone was breaking into their apt, that I should peek out the window....although I did peek out 2-3 times I mostly maintained concentration thru it all...and my epiphany was that as much as my fat suckly body hurts, I do very much feel the soothing emotional calmness come over me while I try to stay in the zone...sadly the feeling I was having a heart attack made me cut it all to a one set work out...but I got a good sweat...

This is why heat is so important in Bikram. Because it's more about the rhythm of your breath - really trancelike when I achieve it...so rare...but thats what brings me back for more. To take control of the mind like that? You realize why its so important and as he says "The most difficult thing in the world to do" but also why mental is more important than physical when it comes to loosing my weight...I Know this well enough that its why Ive been so frustrated...these idiots like "patty" having no clue how easy it is for tissue to simply tear with some people...yoga teachers are so self absorbed (i was somewhat like thsi myself but not as bad as most) SO self important that they'll try to tell you textbook how u should hold your head so as not to be too dizzy...as if...for now Ill just say its beyond insulting and oblivion its just plain dangerous. I got the room up to 108 easily today as its so humid and warning up nicely...although it was a little dangerous perhaps for anyone else as I had too much humidity I think....this is from where the trance comes from and thanks to my astronaut training in HI I can handle it pretty well-would never do that to anyone else...the way many teachers do...omg when i think of the RICH asshole teachers whove gotten to piss n the future of the yoga because bikram respects money more than the people so often...anyway....lost train of thought-these are all just notes really want to try to write this into a readable piece! We'll see...because Im still having my heart attack...
brb

93-yr-old Yoga Teacher Wins Guinness World Record and Strikes a Pose

Marisa Krystian | May 15, 2012 9:14am EDT | 2min:09sec

She's 93 years old, but that isn't keeping Tao Porchon-Lynch from striking a perfect pose. The yoga instructor and dance competitor is vibrant as ever and proves that age really is just a number.

She has lived a full life that includes marriage, acting, modeling, performing burlesque and even marching with Gandhi - twice. Now, she has another feather in her cap: Guinness World Records has declared her the world's oldest yoga teacher.

Bruno Iksil

"The French trader, who appears to have led these investments from a little-known corner of JP Morgan’s operations in London, recently boasted that he could walk on water -- suggesting that his ego is as outsized as the nemesis in Moby Dick from which his favored nickname "the White Whale" originates. Whether or not Iksil's reputation will go from fearsome sea animal to Jonah after he's blamed for the storm and tossed overboard is not yet known."

"The loss came in a portfolio of the complex financial instruments known as derivatives, and in a division of JPMorgan designed to help control its exposure to risk in the financial markets and invest excess money in its corporate treasury.  It was reported back in April that a trader named Bruno Iksil had built up a large long position in a derivative known as CDX.IG.NA, selling protection on a basket of investment grade (that’s the IG part) companies in North America (that’s the NA part). On their own, these trades would indicate a bet that they would strengthen and the price of protecting against defaults would fall.  Hedge fund traders reportedly started calling Iskil the “London Whale” and began placing a variety of bets against his positions. Many believed that his position was so large that he would have to lose money once the index and underlying credits reverted to a more normal relationship."

Schlottery

Anyone ever notice that if you buy a "quick pick" lottery ticket, in NY anyway, many if not most of the numbers are sequential? As are the winning numbers. Obviously because computerized, digitalized "randomness" isn't random at all?

I'll never forget the day in 1993 when my 6(?) numbers on a ticket where each and every single one off by one. I kept that ticket framed in my "Box of Most Precious Things" The chances of that happening seemed more impossible than hitting the numbers dead on. I was still young and naive enough to take it as a sign of hope that everything was going to be alright. I bought it at a deli in Windham NY and was so amazed I secretly believed someone had to have been playing a practical joke on me...but if they had the power to do that...I didnt need a random lottery to make my fortune....

Could Someone Please Make Me a Smoothie?

Isn't it interesting that we hear more about a tortured cult dissing John Travolta than whatever it was exactly that happened with JPMorgan. When journalist "report" on the latestsaga, never do they actually ever explain exactly what the "risky stock investment" was. Why is this? Why is it assumed the television audience is only as stupid as it's lowest common denominator? Always dumbing down....Where are the names of thos involved? Too well connected to powerful families to expose? Purposely left out so that symbolically the story will resonate with the American haters around the world...reeks of republican sabotage for the sole purpose of connecting existing banking problems with Obama administration?

The Far Reaching Business of Deliberately Crafted Misinformation

I called the local New Station in Yonkers responsible for covering the Kenneth Chamberlain case to ask if they knew the names of the White Plains police officers involved. They did not. But the news desk guy was nice enough to put me on hold for about 5 minutes to find out. After I told him that I had the names of 3 of them, Carelli, Hart and Sgt Fratel and wanted to find out the name of the African American cop on the scene, suggested he would be a fantastic interview worthy of Edward R Murrow Awards etc...but the guy was so diconnected he came back to the phoen and said "The guy sname is Anthony Carelli."...They dont do theyre job these reporters.

Is this misinformation about the Chamberlain story owned by Rupert Murdoch? They're obviously producing News for local media in White Plains also:

Weightlessness and Yoga

This is what your yoga practice can feel like when youre in the zone...I miss feeling like that. Like a hug from the universe.

Ghost Propaganda Writing

I once worked for a company that boldly called itself Propaganda. Since everything is by nature propaganda, it's so cleansing a feeling to just admit it...but for many people they prefer to cling to their cloaked lives no matter who dies...its always been that way and they have a right....the probalm I have with fake people thru and thru is the hypocrisy with which they would censor or stiffle, or worse an idiot like myself (when being resigned to idiocy ends up not being effective deterrant enough) If it isn't propaganda it's pornography...SO the best we can do is life is choose the hopefully most worthy propaganda...

 I wrote this on Facebook page for Mr Chamberlian. Want to reread it. Maybe re-write. But the point is officers named Carelli, Hart and Sgt Fortrell (sp) is all anyone knows. Why was this man killed? I read something about beibg accused of murder himself, a robbery...but these are the kinds of things people sometimes make up in order to have their way, by misleading the police...omg so much time waste....Its not racism...its just the bullshit factor at work, taking a toll on our ability to tolerate and swallow it...

 Please don't make the mistake of minimizing this tragedy as simply "racially biased". Other than thin blue line cover ups that go on everyday with police across the country, this story has NOTHING in common with Trevon Martin's and to reduce Mr Chamberlain's story so it fits into someone's cliff notes is just as wrong. This story reveals the degree to which our society is controlled and censored. Why isn't anyone talking to the African American officer who sent Mr Chamberlain's niece away from the scene while it was unfolding? How historical would it be for Bahbah Wawa to interview him? So what if he looses his job-there would be a book deal waiting? Or maybe not if he too is just another idiot like the rest of them. What was going on in his mind? Is he also a racist? The "issue" of racism too often gets in the way of a much deeper discussion and understanding of BULLYING plain and simple. A woman who just answered the phone at WESPAC Foundation told me "This would never have happened to a white man in Scarsdale." But in fact "white" has less to do with it than "Scarsdale". Money dictates 1000 times more powerfully, and I would even argue is the basis of the frustration that leads to this kind of abusive of power...Im not saying racism isn't an important factor-but to emphasize only that and pretend to ignore the COWARDICE of the other police officers from intervening is just PRETENDING to search for justice. I want to read an interview with the African American officer who kept his mouth shut. We all know what it's like to fear loosing a job, or even loosing a job for speaking out. The cover up speaks volumes about our society's degree of control and censorship that we accuse China, or dictatorships around the world of having...It was a black nypd police officer named Deborah Moore who beat the living daylights out of my head with her knee in 1993 for entering the subway without a token. I didnt have $1.25. Based on that vulnerability she felt certain she would get away with beating me up...Growing up in Westchester I had never even had a conversation with a cop let alone been arrested-stupidity knows no color, no race, no nationality. Bad human behavior is simply that. There was a black man on the scene who only had to escort Mr Chamberlain's niece to the door to calm the situation, or call Mr Chamberlain's son. As psycho as Carelli obviously was to shoot-EVERYONE else is just as guilty for not speaking up.

SO Many Fantastic Titles

I say the reason youre not supposed to talk about being arrested isn't at all to protect yourself. It was designed as a societal mindset to protect the police themselves. "Freedom isn't free" is possibly the most stupid goddam bumpersticker of them all. Perhaps designed by the same company. Motivated by whatever freakishly ingenius minds the average person can't even fathom think about....Free like Tarzan? Or free like JD Bauby? Freedom WAS free, perhaps still is a little bit...however...

As I happened to be walking by a window when this terribly black and blue, superspanking shiny new, expensive looking, all equipped, totally stealth detective mobile floated by. Very seriously. I have to ask myself if the people I bitch and moan about for creating a police state out of my life are still complaining.  You'd think they'd realize a simple apology would make it all go away...but that's beyond them...I'd like to imagine the cops in fact as actually being my heroes. Men capable of, if nothing else, recognizing the petty, lying bs for what it is, and even feel sorry that this shit was all done to me...why is that so far fetched lol? Omg I swear poeple CHOOSE to misunderstand each other! People prefer to fight because theyre so miserable and schizo in their ability to be honest with themsleves.... Generally speaking men should not be cops. Of course there will always be exceptions to any rule as there should be allowed to be, but women need to be better than that, women should not be soldiers especially.  That is unless you want to define "soldier" as someone who sits at a desk assignment, or serving lasagna in a mess hall. A woman's only funtion on a battlefield would be remaining worthy enough to remain unraped and safe. God people are stupid? Or the propaganda writers are just that good? Both....

Someone has regulalry been looing my desktop and making my loose so much writing...it throws my mind off...makes u loose whatever heart you have left...makes you depserate enough to rant and ramble on so rapidfire it scares most away....they have it down. Now 2 verizon trucks are parked on either side of my car....life is weird right? brb (or maybe I wont...and when I see what happened to Chamberlain I realize when they take you down....there's little that can be done...and if youre lucky enough to have poeple want to fight for your name? Whether a few or a million, it ends up being a situation where you're not really supposed to be anthing but grateful to god if he allowed you only but a few breaths...its just how it is? For shouting too loudly I Piss off the cops for the past 20 years who have robbed me of everything. I will never have children or a family-and thank god in a world where 3 men wanted Tanya Harding lol? And now she too gets to be a mom? Maybe I am blessed...to be able to SPEAK, unlike an African American cop who needed to keep a roof over his kids head? Or protect the investment he borrowed money to secure?  

What Im trying to get at it....worse than any cop beating I suffered...is the irony that this handful of hippie peAce of shit, NPR listening mother fucking YOGA TEACHERS were the ones who in the end truly destroyed the last shot at hope, last chance I had at getting my life back...from now on its pre-nursing home for me...I used to fold up my old baby clothes, and imagien them in an attack, and my son or daughter pulling stuff out, stories flying around...parties...I imagine such a fantastically happy family life for myself.....It didnt happen for a lot of reasons perhaps...but to have gone out with the hope at least kept me going...now I am almost past the ocd and ready to throw it all away, gradually, nothing dramatic...the point is Im past things...Im slowly signing off, feeling slightly less alone by talking to a keyboard...and those yoga teachers? They will still probably try to writ etheir police reports and actually want to see me jailed....no matter what I say? How the fuck can what was done to me, a few times(!) not scare every goddam one of you? Because I took it too far? Im too ... actually I am burnt out an dbecomeing weak....lets be honest...I just spoke with someone trying to find the names of the WP police officers who killed Carelli to prove my point that silence kills just as much as the gun....its all a part of the same lie. Time to wake up and see it for what it is.....the person asked me the name of my blog...part of me felt unworthy to even be talking to this person in the middle of such an important happening, part of me wanted to protect them from even their IP address showing up on my pages, as god knows who Ive got padding budgets with my name as an excuse...and part of me realized all that matters is that we communicate and be aware of the judgments...Judgments are a part pf life, but the problem is recognizing the teeniest trith can turn into a bif fat life saving one....I will win Richard Branson's CO2 science competition with the theory that the most viable way to solve the problem of emissions is to pray. If thats too difficult, thats what yoga is for?

FRESHPOINT

The REAL story that NEEDS to be told would be from the perspective of the ball-less cowardly African American police officer on the scene who did absolutely nothing to help Mr Chamberlain (according to Chamberlian's niece on the scene) motioned her away. The FACT that this man was more concerned about the PEER PRESSURE to BULLY Mr Chamberlain along with the other cops on the scene. Why not tell that man's story? Because we live in an increasingly totalitarianistic society, made up of the same pasteurized cowardice 10 thousand fold.

   Because of the Grand Jury's decision to allow White Plains Police Officer Anthony Carelli to walk away (for now),  Kenneth Chamberlain's story is one of the most important off all time. Because even more than this man's shocking and brutal murder, what's revealed by the way the authorities are so quick to lie, to cover up, plant news stories to throw people off track is truly disturbing.  But no one really cares as much as we should care. Stories about hatchets and knives and slanderous libelous "emotionally disturbed" commentary. I know that I barely paid any attention to the story when it happened Changed the channel all these months assuming it was just sloppy news reporting that never seemed to explain why the hell the cops didnt just go away! Not until I took the time to actually call local news to clear up for myself the obvious holes in their story, only to hear the self-important indifference in their voices I searched for the audio tapes myself. 

   Look at the made up faces of these reporters on TV who read the police written copy on their teleprompters.  A most important story not just because of the hour(+)long audio tapes that expose the cop's taunting and harassment of an (in fact) extremely dignified and graceful Mr Chamberlain considering the circumstance, but just as much because of the aftermath. Six months have gone by and no one knows what happened to the half a dozen officers who were all there along with Anthony Carelli, entertaining themselves by BULLYING this man. So many angles need to be explored and yet only the same incomplete info gets repeated over and over again. Another "racially motivated" incident? "Just like Trevon Martin"? NO! Other than the same thin blue line treatment that ALL police adhere to across the country, not at all like Trevon Martin's story! To reduce Mr Chamberlain's story as simply "racism" is even more of an injustice. Although racism may well be one of a dozen other factors emphasizing it only serves to loose many people's interest because these words "racial undertones" are not only overused, I believe they are purposely invented to create a gap that looses the interest from people of any and all races, that they need to pay attention...and it was an African American cabbie from over 20 years ago that opened my eyes to this media trick actually.

There is talk that an African American officer was on the scene when this all went down? THAT is the story. Supposedly Chamberlain's niece who also loves in the building told reporters: “They all had their guns drawn, and an African-American cop who was with them motioned me to get back upstairs,” she said. From the landing, she could hear cops shaking and banging on the door."

The REAL story is why are people so comfortable with lying and keeping secrets. Even when the tapes show exactly what happened they still feel comfortable hiding behind their bogus hateful spin? And worse than that is they way WE do absolutely nothing. Sit back and just allow these pieces of shit liars to thrive. I suppose that's how it is in the yoga "community" also...the most cut throat, the most manipulative, the most capable of killing get to rule the ball-less cowardly talking heads who are chosen specifically for their mediocrity.

Kenneth Chamberlain Shooting: Audio of Life Alerts Calls With Chamberlain Part 6

Listen to how the cops are TAUNTING this man for over an hour, the LifeAlert person does nothing to stop it...and we're worried about Chinese human rights record? What a bunch of ball-less cowards. I see Ive been wasting my breath believing anyone would ever care about my story compared to this..wow...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRtaj0qgrlo

TRUE HOLLYWOULD STORY

When I grow up I want to call the numbers for the New York State Lottery. Who do you have to be related to to get that mob blow job? What a joke that probably 100s of people who work for the lottery commission have million dollar homes in southern westchester....what a joke IM expected to show respect in the wake of this perverse imbalance of power...I cant get a job picking up shit Jane Kartsch!

So I can paint a visual fro you? Please if you would for a moment, imagine yourself 51 years old and calling about a job to pick up dog doody.  In fact I applied online for the job last week with Doody Calls in Mt Kisco but no one ever called me back...so I followed up just a few minutes ago with a phone call to a Mt Kisco location. A woman named MaryEllen answerd the phone. I couldn't have been any more enthusiastic, polite, forthright, willing, charming, fun....smiled the entire time even at the end when I wanted to tell the cold hearted witch to take her job and shuv it....

In the snottiest way she kept blowing me off, realzing that what I thought was joviality and friendliness, she just found to be irritating perhaps...I don't know. But she was SO serious about first seeing my resume before any further conversation you could tell the Ecuadorans have probably cornered this area making the competition fierce? When I tried to feel her out on what job would entail (no pun) it souned like she she kept gritting her teeth answering "Yes ok. Yes fine...." (as in lets move this along into hanging up now!)

I was so good at teaching Bikram yoga a few years ago other teachers picked up on my little tricks-and so now most Bikram teachers are pretty great (in terms of dialogue-rarely heart and soul)...But God forbid I could be making good money and stayed healthy immersed in the yoga "community"? No because there is no "yoga community"-its another form of wall street where mostly women get together and spend their husband's money in order to thik they "like" each other (because once real life problems involving not having money to fix'em rear their ugly heads? You's out...."

Fuck you Mt Kisco Doody Calls' MaryEllen for being a nasty fucktard.

RAMBOW RAINBOW

Would India like their new Howitzers delivered or do they just want to save the extra flight during the invasion and warehouse them here at a few Turkish schools perhaps? (btw was shipping and handling included? WIll anyone bother to ask? Answer No fyi)

I want to win a Nobel Peace Prize for figuring out ways to turn words into bullets and tasers and whatever weapons the white plains police used on Kenneth Chamberlain-notice how the cops shoot you and no one cares? Makes me realize the degree to which Ive been wasting my time bitching. Tanya Harding is a mother but Jane Kartsch would say the world is a better place that I never got to have children....omg....what do I have to loose? I will just shoot farts out of my mouth in Jane's direction in order to relieve the blood pressure...and who gives a shit? All this crap about "Joyous Yoga Community" is just paint by numbers PLANNING to recoup the million dollar jewelry boxes they create pretending they are as powerful as doctors....ironically yoga is more powerful than doctors...but these asshole are SUCH egomaniacs.....I have nothing better to do than WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT in my little cashless life, where I have to still scrape quarters together to do laundry, or gas the car to do laundry at a friend's house at the age of 51.....RAINBOW ...RAMBOW

 in order to bring Jane to her knees, and with a hypnotic stare (perhaps Jesus by my side) and pull out of her, like a surgeon removing a tumour, the answer to the question: "Do not waste another second pointing this, the AFTERMATH, this UGLINESS on my part out. Why did you do this to me?

I want to explore the fantasy of violence, like a scientist discovering the psychological need to imagine rapid fire into the face of the evil scum who dared to waste a second of your life, hurt your family, destroy relationships for no other reason than a sloppy selfishness...whoever would pretend faking not being angry is only creating a pressure cooker that will express itself in the form of a heart attack making it suicide. I have to be clear that I would never physically attack, or even touch for that matter any human being violently.  But I will slap the shit out of legally, like this, raving like a lunatic, BROKE, FAT with nothing else to do but be laughed at as I age ungracefully and crumble like a wicked witch.....I know the line Im walking. do you recognize the line I'm walking? How can you not respect me? How can you not use your brain and admit how badly you stole crucial time from me, irreparably me enough to justuse teh brain god gave you to fix this! CONFESS and make it right too hard? Or just the proof that you are beyond helping....I cant believe youre a mother Jane, Donna....how brave people dare to take a stand, take the risks involved while EXERCISING MY RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH (my pussy vibrates when I say it). Do you FEEL the sarcasm in that last sentence? The absolute roar that cries out for a Rambo esque scene on a Mt Top where I machine gun into kibbles and bits the following MOTHER FUCKERS for mother's day.....feel free, at no charge to watch my mind disintegrate....but I will go out even saying to your children's faces, reading this if need be that their MOTHERS are such lowlife pieces of shit.

I would love to legally have a sort of golden gloves boxing match with Jane Kartsch. Perhaps a fund raiser! Ya Jane let's do it! Oh wait, but if this were all cleared up than I would get to take back my rightful place as being a person 10,000xs more incredible than you in every way...you know! Worse than death I would rather see Jane go thru life without being able to work or live off her husband....that would be better.

Come everyone! Gather around! Watch the crazy lady take a cyber crap! Make a fool of herself, do irreparable damage? Or just taking it day by day until....you know Jane? Everyday I think about what my death will be like, obviously it comes for all of us....as much as you would love to bring my assays to the attention of your local pd in order to try to justify YOUR 2006-2007 FELONIES (2! Count 'em! 2 false police reports) I want to point out that if by chance you happen to go before I do? I will be celebrating festivities like no other holiday of my life, singing, WRITING, and then a few months later when no one visits your grave anymore...I will walk my dog up to your tombstone with a full bladder to take a piss on it.

Riverstone Yoga and Why Bikram is a Fckn Asshl

I was just checking out the (probably?) million dollar investment going into this seemingly exquisite space they've built...omg the hypocrisy.... I worked for this scary team of yoga lawyers for almost an entire year. They paid me $10 an hour but I can't remember ever being more devoted to my job....the hundreds upon hundreds of students who walked through th eyogaspa doors would have agreed...Not ponly was I treated like a beloved member of the staff I LOST 54 pounds in less than 5 months! Everyone was rooting for me. Until I showed a desire to go to Bikram teacher training...I was threatened with being fired (and in fact was without any notice whatsoever the day before thanksgiving 2006...I dont usually talk about Jackoff and Patrite because they're cut throat killer attorney's...Ill probably get a cease and desist from one of them in the next week for daring to bitch about these 2 idiots...who I heard despise each other now...I offered to pay someone for a copy of their back and forth hate email...Jackie actually told Dan my boss in CT that she thought I might have a cocaine problem ... wow call me a pot head if you like ..... but cocaine? Uh no. And anyone who knows me knows what a bullshit thing that was to say...adn to say it with all the Jane crap flying around? This coven of "yoga community JOYOLOGY my ass" ate my middle aging ass alive....I tried for the past 5 years to live down their hatred but thanks to Bikram grapevine, it followed me all the way to being ripped off after succesfully taking over my own little studio down there.....the Bikram "teachers" involved couldnt just figure out a civil way to end any disagreements...they had to destroy me once an dfor all...and then the horrible fall I took last year...broke my back...and now IM even fatter than the before pic again, flat broke, unable to find work (tonight I was trying to figure out how to include the last 5 gd years of my life-so much more devoted to Bikram YOga than most-but if you dont have ANY money-you dont matter-unless youre young and hot an dfckable of course....they can get away with threatening me for talking about the FACTS because of bank acct superiority...

Look how close I was to being in the most incredible shape, and staying there. It took me many years to get that fat, and years to finally stay focused and loose it thanks to the incredible experience I had a yogaspa with the 2 witches....

But best of luck Patricia, looks like you and William (Plumhoff Im guessing?) are having trouble finding other people to teach the Bikram Method.. Outside no less huh? Can't wait for Bikram A Choud to hear about that huh? ..since you can barely do Bikram yourself as your mind wanders into n'importe quoi during your "class". Suddenly you feel like changing posture order, or all together, along with any subject with from day to day....omg how I hated your classes....never meant to show you how much, but maybe you could tell how bored I was with your self indulgent blabbering...

The only reason such vile hypocritical nasty murderers have such beautiful (on the outside) studios is because they have money....actually Jackoff is a sort of a "great" teacher I always hate admitting that....maybe "effective" is the better word and only if she doesn't touch you...last time I took class from Jackoff she pulled so hard on my butt in padahastasana my tendon in back of knee ripped...I mentioned it to her...and she went to do the same thing the next day!!! How do you spell assault? But if she doesnt hate you youre probably ok...

"She then forwards that email to Bikram HQ..." Funny how the lawyer figured out that Jane lied simply by noticing that if I in fact did anything at all "threatening" how does that explain Shelly giving me a scholarship 3 weeks later? Omg I hate this pigstresses

 See what an awful dangerous teacher I was-one of my classes in FL....why are these idiots more determined to destroy me than save themselves? There is a place in hell for all of them: Jane Jackoff Patrica and Donna....I can't work at Riverstone teaching a great Bikram class because Patricia is so incredibly full of shit.....(I must say I really did enjoy William class however-but what an egomaniacle woosher)...Patricia-Did I tell you I telephone Karen at her hair studio and recorded her apologizing to me for JUMPING ON MY BROKEN FOOT leaving class that day? Danielle once did her little geisha footy massage thing on me so hard it was with the force one might use to put out a cigarette-broke minor bones-hurts to this day...I never fully figured out of she did it on purpose-but could easily assume she did...looking at her old neurotic emails...omg....the thing is if I only had money I would have been normal like the rest of them, hi bye relationships a few laughs and dinners here and there-but when youre older, single, broke and vulnerable financially (and make the mistake of ketting them know about it) you become a target for their bullying....they have to say I was "crazy" to protect their lying trblmkn butts....ok I done wit h this piece of crap writing....

Think of this mess as notes when one day...u will se ethe light! SO hard for them to admit they were wrong because these animals need a sacrifice a crucifiction...

WHy I can't Make $20

 So you might wonder how anyone could claim to be incapable of making $20 doing something, anything when there just plain is no source of cash flow, or work...Let me show you how hard I work NOT to make $20 okay? Check it out. Here was my day today...

 I figured I throw down a batch of Dog Biscuits on the shelves of a little Turkish Grocery Market a few weeks ago, maybe three weeks now. A small, big, medium sized place. Figured I'd see if I could make enough to invest in a proper DBA, and a license with proper agencies etc...Form an LLC for godsakes, as if no one can see what a fantastically marketable, clever name Pavlov's Gourmet is for dog treats...IM mean so obvious, stupid perhaps. But guess what? You'll find a hundred people using a version of the names I registered in 2003 and 2004 across the country, hopefully making tons of money so I can better make my gd point. If I haven't already. How is it that I come before the fortune with my ideas, lists long only for other individuals and companies to have successfully capitalized on leaving me in the dust, throughout my entire adult life scrimping quarters together to buy soap, or pizza or gas...The first time I saw this BoyScouts of Green County donation bottle recycling booth, I innocently started filling up a bag in order to trade in the whole lots of them if it took all day. I was left fpr broke in the Catskills literally by my Chappaquian relatives who'd felt I'd dug my own grave, or maybe made my own bed at this time...as things were still hopeful...anyway the owner Mr Slater of Slater's Great American Grocery Store came barreling out after me threatening to "CALL THE POLICE" on me for stealing the fckn bottles. I thought the goddam BoyScouts had set up a sort of "self help" job opportunity for any idiot in the community who needed an extra few cents (or a buck if you really wanted to work it)....Retarded of me? Perhaps. But the police? This just barely a ew months after I'd first been beaten up by kunt police office Deborah Moore (who bashed in my head the same way the White Plains cops entertained themselves by tormenting Mr Kenneth Chamberlain who had accidnetally set off his LifeAlert. Shot dead, begging the cops for an hour to please go away, leave him alone.....as a society that this isnt recognized as the REAL BULLYING news media doesnt even know how to touch, how to report on. Because the American psyche has become such an embarrassment,....I forgot what I meant to be writing about...oh yes....my experience with the eyes of the son of the turkish market.....I can tell by the way he looks at me he detests me...it feels like only a matter of time before he attacks, fulfills his need to either hurt me or feel superior maybe....Cant put my finger on it....But this is typical American behavior, not just Turkish...I asked him for $20 of the projected $52 in sales, in order to buy the salt free peanut butter from the machine they have their, a key ingredient for my dog cookies....anyway...he agreed...I left a new batch with him....then when I went to collect he was hiding out in the CVS, as if Im am just a joke they are playing with...probably never intended to give me anything because it's obviously such an amateur operation etc...But I can see in his eyes that when I dare to interrupt him while he's spends 30 mins looking thru mother's day cards in the neighboring drugstore...I hint for a second time that I need that lousy $20 he'd agreed to pay me....but he enjoys watching me me desperate....I will write more in depth about this...it's not because he's Muslim or Turkish on my part and yet, I understand how much my country has hurt other people throughout the world-I recognize the resentment.....it felt violent and I had a premonition that the intl cells Ive been warning about for the past 15 years will sooner than later become violent if for no other reason simply out of boredom...I can barely stand the hypocrisy myself, I can't imagine those who lost babies for no reason, for decades have been patiently waiting for their revenge. human nature all the same...the poor love to romanticize their hunger, imagine superiority and strength when in fact given the same exact role reversal....it's just how people are. People are backstabbing egomaniacle, delusional, self important idiots...unless theyre Jesus or Buddha, Mohammed or maybe Joseph Smith although I must confess I know absolutely nothing about the mormon faith's history....

I cant write this now.....I made my point...SOmeone will tell this kid about what Ive written, which will not only loose that $20 for me, but might even get me banned from the store. Fascinating right?

Turkish educational institutions have come under increasing scrutiny ... Governments as well as many scholars and journalists suspect that the schools have more than just education on their agendas ...". The article quoted Hakan Yavuz, a professor of political science at the University of Utah, as calling the Gülen movement

"a political movement ... and it has always been political. ... They want to train an elitist class which will then turn Turkey into a centre of the religious world, Islamise the country, ... It is the most powerful movement right now in [Turkey] ... There is no other movement to balance them in society."^[55]

Imagine how selfless poeple sound when they say the want to open a school....what a charade....But Im the dangerous one right Jane Kunt? Immigration fraud, The Gulan Movement facsinating story because...."Back Door Midrasis" Bringing in foreign "english teachers" Every pay period turks give 40% of their pay checks back to Gullen,