Embracism

I just watched a Goya TV spot with an African American family of four....The strangest feeling came over me. It bothered me that I was compelled to understand if they were black or brown selling spanish company food in such a traditional wonder bread way....then I was pissed off....now...I am about to try to understand why. Why the angry reaction? I remembered back to childhood, and how if I had seen this commercial as a kid I wouldn't have noticed race at all. I would have probably wished I was tan and had the woman's lovely curls...frankly I woudl have noticed nothing else really..."What chya cooking mom?" lil boy asks. "Goya yellow rice. I'll have this ready by the time you set the...! Table." answers mom....SHit food, fake people of another color...its like all that is/was bad about white man is what the formerly known as the minorities now covet most. Their violence....see now that my adult life is coming to a close and how my impression of black people has been SLAPPED around, physically BEATEN UP by a certain backwardsness....over time...forces me to try to get the job as translator for any and ALL the multitude of morons black and white who resort to violent resolve....

People turn their lies into showbusiness nowadays....As a Royal babysitter I was begging New Line Fucking Cinema to let me crawl out of (what turned out to be) the start of my life's mess as far back as 1995. I argued with the lead singer of Spin Drs (outside my front door) about the value of reality tv because we had just watched the rebraodcast of An American Family in 1988 or 89...maybe it was 90....ok so fine...I never get to see my project thru...but to end up like this? I know it seems to people that things could obviously be much worse. At least I have some semblance of family....and not to sound ungrateful......but the entire point of ....everything I do in my life has turned into trying to get across the point that it only makes sense, that if someone throws a punch for no good reason I will flip them, and hold onto their wrists until they put it right...and will do so effortlessly.  BECAUSE THAT IS THE ENERGY FREE POWER OF THE WORD (for christ's sake). But stupid illiterate poeple, computer illiterate for sure people who are too lazy to inspire people to be better, create laws that will end up being a giant noose for everyone....I mean no disrespect to the Chinese when Im actually admiring how in the world a government manages 5 billion or so human beings across the world and never seeks out any recognition. So noble? Or just nature taking its course...little boys who grow up wanting to manufacture tin foil... for the people....The Asian Daniel Boone was probably many many famines and wars prior...I want to trhank my parents for bringing me into the world to see it well before able to see how we were destroying it...such a magical childhood.

I think bullshit when I hear people say they had to forgive otherwise it would defeat them too etc....what a cop out. The details of our lives are just as food....like a jigsaw puzzle....but everyone falls for the bs that time for parlor games comes after death....so they can remain slaves...as thats all they know anyway....freedom is free people are just too cowardly to be so anymore.

I just want to know wno named the kennedy family's dog Porcia. Then leave the whole thing alone. Forget lol. Ya right.

Cherry

Cherries are in season, once again...and as usual I can't afford even a bag...I will probably find some way to scrounge together somehow at least a handful...but Imagine? If I say something liek that to someone who can afford to grab a couple of bags without a second thought, they will try to go over my budgeting skills with me....people are so ridiculous...just dont get it...I have a neighbor lady in building next door who lies awake at night worrying about the onc time every 3-5 years she finally finds dog crappings near her yard and so she can blame me...that is to say, when she's not telling people about Jesus her lord and savior. Below me, literally, I have this small subtly effeminate scottish man who was actaually sweeping the tiny amounts of dirt on his patio that may have fallen from my potted flowers...I was for the first time in years relaxing and gardening a little bit, untwisting the morning gloroes from growing on top of one another....so quietly focused, barely moving, sitting on a tiny stool...and suddenly I hear this doosh below me sweeping, while the rain is pouring down no less....what kind of man does that? Made me realize why I was so infatuated with the last one....a real man....even with his dumb moments...his manly priorities made me feel safe or something....hard to explain...but he made me realize what a bunch of pussy men Im surrounded by.....who the fuck marries a woman who supposedly gives him a black eye for talking to a previous wife he has kids with? What kind of sinister blackmailing, mind game playing society do we have? Remember that old movie The Suicide Club? It was a girl named Nicole Kennedy who told me about it in 1993...right Nicle? Or was it your bff visiting from Florida? But bothe of you were like "Omg..u havent seen it?"

We kill each other...saying it doesnt fix it....this is the source of any person's depression...If I allow myself a tiny bit of hope that maybe I could instantly fix my financial problems and dream up 100 more great ideas for other people to buy homes on....it will only keep getting worse....because people, even fkn Bikram, are too stupid....to just Let it Be....to have just let it be....if I say my knee comes apart without even walking...on it's own...this makes Bikram feel vindictaed....because human beings shouldnt be allowed to compalin when theyre being unjustly mentally toryred? RIGHT JANE KARTSCH YOU GODDAM SHIT KUNT OF A HUMAN BEING? Will Cybe bully law have a grandfather claus? Thats what Im going for...one more week of being FREE to speak mind....fuck all of you. I want o post this photo I took of myself with Brian Ross last night but I look so shockingly fat...I dont want to be seen this way...I dont want to leave house anymore...as if there is no point...as if dangerous....I look like Im begging for mercy..crazed eyes...sucky skin...fat fat fat....so sad when I smile u can almost see a little bit of once was pretty....but there's no point....I cant afford cherries....who the fuck kill's themselves when they got to have babies? Mayeb the babies turned out to be horrible little robots too....

George Toros

500 Floridian votes didn't get George Bush, a cahoneless American public stood down and watched it happen. Ball-less. Home of the ball-less. I just got a stupid "move on" email from some idiot...it's like smoke and mirror theatre, leading Holder and Obama into a battle with Florida as if they can't see thru he trap...."Latinos and Democrats will be targeted"writes some moron named Garlin Gilchrist II who is obviously oblivious to the fact that Latinos usually vote republican (even though the majority are completely dependent upon social services for very existence)...stupidity? trouble making? Gilchrist strikes me as the kind of double agent operative who would campaign one way and vote the polar opposite. Just googled his ugly mug and found the Donovanish Englishman's face I was picturing in my mind, to in fact be the darkest of human race skins.....the first thing that came to mind was both the idea of an African tribal chief(s) who sold his own people into the Dutchman's boat along with George Soros' nazi youth face....everybody does what they have to do to survive? To provide for their families? That's the most popular excuse right? Cute little boys and girls who we have to babysit for while mommie weaves chemical toxins into hairnets for plastic containers that hold chemicals to straighten hair, and bleach it, or shampoo the carpets the dirty diapers fall on by the millions....do I sound like Im moronic enough to pretend, think I have any answers? But why not bitch about it? Life is so amazingly cheapened by assholes who cut throats to make sure they had their first babies at the most socially accepted age...thinking our way into the arms of our own killers, because we just know they are the one for us....give me a fucking break.

I imagine Gilchrist as a parent to be the kind of person who might send his say 9 year old to school with a double edged razor blade to cut another classmate in order to make headlines to push some anti bullying bill thru....its not far fetched...no one takes the time to catch the bs...

I stood before George Soros in the middle back of a small lecture hall at Bard College and held up a pack of cigarettes in 1995. I simply said "These are not mine. I'm holding them for a friend. But if you listen, you'll here the real problem which is how little people listen to each other anymore....." Immediately as if on cue, people began interrupting, shouting "Go have you're nicotine fit outside!!" I dramatically stormed out because I made the mistake of assuming Soros wouldn't get my point. But I did peak back inside thru a crack in the door and saw him shooshing people and quietly nodding his head to himself, as if he deeply realized my point...when I heard about him in the news soon after I felt that maybe I'd gotten him to rethink his anti smoking stance...Im not sure if I had a point beyond that or if I was just name dropping again. I am such an asshole. I can't believe I ended up turning into such an asshole....

Details are a Bitch

You can't make things happen when you don't have money.  Sure anyone can romanticize otherwise...but the physical toll that is taken from being taken out of circulation is death. A little, or a lot of death no matter. It's an an obvious metaphor for trying to understand probably the most common cause of depression...ocean, rivers, PONDS. Diving bell and butterfly ponds for some organisms, but rapid physical breakdown for others....sing all you want to about the kingdom of heaven after death so the robber barons can get away with their crimes....some Anti American organization called the NCSL is ramming "ANTI-CYBERBULLYING" laws down brain dead public's throat so men like Trump can financially rape the Miss Whateversheis accusing his organization (Miss USA?) of being fixed. They're making it so that you can be detsroyed, youre kids wont go to school etc...if you decide to blog after a few beers one night...because they believe the health profit margines of their COMMERCIAL interests outweigh the most basic, most important basic right of all Americans....this is being allowed to happen because the majority of fat obese idiots don't exOrcise it...emotionally holding onto a thread, as I watch myself so rapidly age, dying a sort of slow death, being supported mostly by my family, not unlike a retarded person.... because of the things that have happened accidentally, or deliberately to me over the past 5-6 years especially... A bill is possibly going to pass that will create more work for lawyers? Or more prisons for people who can't afford lawyers? Or both. The internet is the most fantastic place to have a fight! Know thy enemy only when you have to ride a donkey or use homing pigeons? How can people be too daft to see what they're giving up over sensationalized stories about lonely kids who had the idea of suicide PLANTED into their heads by the media? There should be summits on "Why Full Grown Adult People Hurt Each Other and Therefore Themselves and CREATE Poverty Directly as A Result" before all the playground BS Bully Theatre Workshops in schools...

Imagine being 5o years old and suddenly you can barely walk for a few weeks, a couple of months go by and youre so gradually slowing down more and more....everything changes.

Julianna Margolis's father wrote plop plop fiz fiz...she said she became  super popular when her peers found that out...nothing against her at all...but that phenomenon of the stupidest reasons we crown certain people over others, and why plastic surgery "science" news is covered more often than these sneaky attacks on the US Constitution....ha;f the population doesnt speak English anymore...and the other half wants to make it a crime when I sound borderline xenophobic...in their mind...oh yes please let the cops with the 8th grade GED's determine who the bully is in any failed relationship? A ridiculous, vague, pointless, sensationalized law is likely to be voted into effect on June 21(?) where cops will start arresting people because on that day because of how they interpret the news...recited by the anchor people who will make it sound like it's some victory for children?

Jane Kartsch is THE major reason why my body is so unhealthy and rapidly dying off....Im genuinely perplexed why after all these years she's never once thought to herself "Wow. I guess I really never had any reason whatsoever to destroy her training, graduation, work, business plan. Because even though she has been a real bitch online AFTER THE FACT, she's right. I screwed her over because of some childish reasoning, stuck in my own past....but how can I possibly admit she's right..." etc etc...

So will the cop Jane calls AGAIN to either file false police reports or actively try to have me arrested based on her imagination that an emailed photo of a woman doing yoga "makes her feel unsafe in her place of business".... the idea that poeple like this old NPR hippies dont see that hiding behind their lies and pretending their should be laws to CENSOR people THEY HURT!!! Omg...I am alone in this? What a drag I have to write about this? I called Jeff (Cohen's?) office like 2 years ago and pleaded with one of his aids to consider the nonsense then....didnt hear much about it...and then suddenly the same week Donald Trump's feelings got hurt he makes a few calls to try to hurry up these laws that will shut up their critics faster? This country is rapidly turning into China...obviously I am out of touch...

A man who is going through a divorce might think he'd love the illusion of convenience, of being able to call the police on the woman he married by mistake, who is now blogging the most awful lies? Or the most embarrassing truths? The fact is that's why all religions try to encourage men away from leading with their dicks no matter how typical it is....but people risk loosing their voices because creepijoes want to use their money to control things that are not meant to be controlled...the idiocy that has poeple thinking intelligence can be legislated, that behavior can be legislated...look for the chines money behind the NCL whatever it was...NCSL. If no chinese money then they've just got some popularity contest frankenstein run amok...

I foolishly wasted time and money going down to the city yesterday to test and audition to be on the "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" TV show....I got sucked in by a TV ad sent in info and recieved an emial back confirming I had some kind of meeting date with producers...I only bothered to read the fine print after I had the idea planted in my head that all my problems could be solved with a little luck....out of about 100-150 people 7 people were chosen within 5 minutes after collecting the tests we all took...after reading someone's account of the same process online last night, from back in 2009 I couldnt help but notice that he too said they chose exactly 7 contestants to actually go the "next round"....I mean it's not illegal Im sure...but there is a degree of deception that if reflective of what end up being devalued....people came all teh way from Ohio! From PA. Georgia! I felt stupid taking a 40 minute train ride!!! How must they have felt? Good people who looked stunned after it was over so quickly...its mean...so will ABC be encouraged to shut down my blog after June 21st for "bullying them? Because IM in a ROTTEN mood when I have to think twice about spending $25 on a train ride? My electric is set to be shut off on friday (yet again) but I had to take a chance with $25 that I might make $2000 being on their dumass show? Sorry actually I like the show...does anyone hear me? For godsake....Ive been allowed to blabble on for years about my pathetic ruined life because I base it ALL on FACT. And IM sure anyone Ive pissed off, who has consulted a lawyer has told them that freedom of speech reigns in the us...in a perfect world their lawyer would slap their lying asses across the face for being so stupid and hateful when they dont get an answer to the question "So why did you really decide to file a police report against her?"

I heard something in the news yesterday about Mary Kennedy supposedly running over her own dog. But the word deliberately was only implied, never actually stated.....spare us the sad, ugly details and just focus on that. Even the name of the dog "Porcia" is the wife of et tu Brute who is famous for committing suicide....I mean....the truth is always right in front of us-no one is comfortable with it because Land of the Free and Home of the Brave is also mythological at this point....I mean no matter how "sick" someone is emotionally, anyone who would hurt an innocent family pet on purpose ? Go ahead and die.......omg.  Psychological torment where someone hides evidence, between kids and parents? Wow. I guess ended up alone and dying still young sounds pretty good in comparison... Maybe she killed herself over killing her dog bottom line-just like Nick Santino the soap opera actor who killed his own dog to get back at his condo board...now that I think of it thats probably what happened...he was thinking "Its just a dog underneath it all, and the people on teh condo board will feel worse about that decision than him?" I duno....Maybe he was drunk....drunkness isn't suicide...thats selfish stupidity in motion....

The teachers that helped me learn how to try to NOT go crazy in life were the one's who made innocent life and protecting the priority...someone tosses me a Betta fish I know nothing...online I learn bubbles are good, or I also learn bubbles are bad....omg I bet there are vets who give betta fish diabetes medication...anyway it's alwasy playing with life or death when we decide who to believe...and usually we base the decision on the dumbest most superficial reasons....and can only pray to get it right more than a few times in the short span we're here on earth breathing...

Am I the first human being ever to scan their own police report and put it online? Desperate enough to risk further emebarrassment PRAYING someone will read between the lines? SOS! See what was doen to me! Offer suggestion!

At the same time..I am an idiot...Im writing to myself and god...never reread what I wrote because I get a head ache trying to make it thru all my run ons and typos and realization I sound like an uneducated moron with an outer borough accent....years...almost 15 years Ive been blogging...and someone will come alone in teh future and tell me what? To stop complaining about being robbed of having a family? Jose buy me a rope I want to make a couch? Its so easy to know the truth but very dangerous to talk about it....so let's write laws to make it even more so? So we can pretend 50 Shades of Gray is literature?

Ghast

Every time I interview for a job...Im asked about the story....if I pretend nothing happened an dit comes out I look like I have something to hide, so for that reason I have to boldly go head first into it...what a joke when people say "the past is the past".

Jane Kartsch, know that one day I will dance across the street from your funeral with champagne and noise makers with posters that read "Ding Dong the wicked witch..." and if I die first I will stick my ghostly finger in your ear all your waking hours...and I promise you will feel it. You woill look like you've developed a nervous twitch constantly scratching at your ear...just like a dog. Just like the bitch you are.

Fuck False Pride

Im so sick of it...Give me a break? The National Peurto Rican Day Parade? Oh? And really it's the 55th Annual? What a crock of shit! So I just wikipedia for explanationa of some sort to find a bs page on the parade's website...some crap about the first parade in 1958 "April 13th" its says (just below "The second sunday of every June till the end of time"-as if it's always been...) A totally differnt name, diffenrent date, all lies and exaggerations...Typical! Lies! False pride only inspires procreation of more subhuman shapes of cellulite ridden rippoff of what is most garish and tacky about american culture...Columbus Day parade is just as stupid...Irish is only acceptable because they made it popular to thepoint everyone wants to create another 501c non prof...enough!!!! Even the Irish parade was destroyed when they stopped people from the public drunkness fun! That was what was fun about it until it went too far...so it evolves...but why cant peope see things for what they are....

1988(?) with Jeanne Anzalone the middle school language teacher in Clinton's new town...I watched the "National" Puerto Rican Day parade on 5th Avenue in the late 80s. We were hysterically laughing. I have photos somewhere. It was adorable becaus eit was ONE float and then 2 guys riding donkey's with pooper scooper's cleaning up after them...it was like the opening of a Hannah Barbera Cartoon...I shot 2  photos! We cheered them on...it made my day. Like I said adorable was the word...but who's going to tell me that went on for 25 years before that? Bullshit!!! That was probably the FIRST one we saw! So why the lies? We also have to pretend that tacky isnt tacky? Or risk arrest for verbal "hate" crime? Wtf is going on. Oh thats right in 2007 it became a vehicle, an excuse for "first couples" of tacky puerto rican hip wiggling like J-Lo and Gloria to promote their "role modelships".....puke...."Hey kids! Ever heard of Mozart? Nah! Just go buy a kereoke machine and learn how to give excellent head and the polar bears will become your shortsighted definition of power and security....puke puke puke....

Woodward's Lobotomy

Bob Woodward talking about protecting national security and penalties for "leaking" what ? What the fuck? These people think they know what is best for other poeple, and are doing favors by hushing up...what a crappy full circle...Romanticizing Nixon looking at Chinese individuals as dollar signs as if this is Noble? Bob Schieffer is loosing it.

Do They Put Ron Paul Back in the Fridge Like a Kidnapped Child?

When mongoloid retards are walking around choose sequined jackets for their new iphone 4s you realize this has been the revolutionary tool of the century. Jimmy Kimmel announced the happening of a great event last week, the Transit of Venus, exciting enough to make us look up from our smartphones for a few seconds. When I think of the actress in Wim Wender's movie "Until teh End of the World" obsessed with getting her little little iphone to come back on....1990...almost 20 years before any such thing...cell phones had barely come out...but here was this actress (Solange?) staring at images fo herself, somehow her entire life more and more downloaded onto this little device...I cant think of anything more visionary...I didnt reject the notion entirely, but it was total science fiction, comical in it's created necessity etc...I just realized I need to interview cops fro my documentary. I need the cops to tell the stories of people using their services for personal gain, by bringing down adversaries...the times it worked and didnt work...because I missed some story about poeple calling SWAT teams as a practical joke....But just like I saw iphones coming when I watched Wenders 20 yrs ago, I understood and FUCKING LISTENED to president Eisenhower why a bunch of muscle car marines act like Ostriches? Oh what the fuck...all wars are dupes and if we dont keep the machine oiled it will crumble? Finee. At least admit it while youre doing it.

Why the fuck would Mrs Biden spend a million dollars to put out a goddam children's book? It has to be muted. Then I unmute to listen for a quick second exactly how she might rationalize the embarrassing indulgence, to hear the interviewer mention her grandaughter In thsi day and age there is nothing more revolting than manipulation and cliche.  "I wrote about universal experiences, like loosing a first tooth..." answers the first vice lady...

Are rich people so delusional and hard up for cash that they still believe in the book fairy that will also spare them the waste of paper discount table? Discounted. Anyone with a real war story to tell that might actually, organically, catch the ear of a mass of people...it's like tehre is no true life in media anymore...even if you further figure out the deepening sophistication of artificial life...technology is becoming a trap used like the trojan horse, taking away the poeple selling makeup in Macy's because frankly no one has the cash flow...right. Cheney sets a plan as far back as the 70s to create eternal security for his family...oh please let me bash the daughter? For fucks sake...if I hear one more TV journalist blame obama for Cheney taking, and being allowed, to take the keys to the cars. Not handed. Pilfered steadily into a power so off the charts even the entire US media was castrated at some point. Elves like George Snoughulupagus probably choose "news" that Greece has a lot of military hardware and therefore would like more credit cards please...has a hand into ripping away once beautiful little Santorini island situations with a subconsciously placed need to make it big enough ($) for Chinese tourists to vacation all at once. How open minded or how detached? Or is that China's trick? All psychological...the chinese are fkn brilliant. Thirsty as they are brilliant and vice versa. A brilliant combination of Marcel Marceaux meets Kissinger, with a touch of Peter Sellers to create heart...its like a big cock raoch gnawing away slowly. Im not pointing fingers and blaming by stating the facts. The war is a con job, and I risk being shot mtself for pissing off the wrong soldier by letting them know they were decieved because they liked their welcome home parades too much to give up the kodak moments? the special tribute on TV?

Happy Fucking Father's Day to Pat Tillman's dad.

How May People Can the World Support? It Depends...

To have as many cars per person as the U.S., China will need 30% more cars than exist worldwide today. Driving them would burn 98 million barrels of oil a day, but the world only produces 85 million barrels.

May 8 , 2012

by Carl Safina

If people are using the world's forests, fishes, soils, freshwater and other resources something like 25% faster than the world can replace them, it means, basically, that the world would already be broke if we weren't taking so heavily from the future.

In his 1848 essay "The Art of Living," John Stuart Mill said: "There is room in the world, no doubt... for a great increase in population... I confess I see very little reason for desiring it."

"If the earth must lose that great portion of its pleasantness which... the unlimited increase of wealth and population would extirpate from it, for the mere purpose of enabling it to support a larger, but not a better or happier population, I sincerely hope... they will be content to be stationary, long before necessity compels them to it."

Growing at just one percent annually, a population doubles in just 70 years. During the 20th century, world population quadrupled; it's now approaching 7 billion. By 2050, we'll add to that more than the total human population of 1950.

If everyone gets 800 kilograms of grains annually, like Americans, then the world can carry 2.5 billion people. We passed that number in 1950. The world could support 10 billion people living like Indians. But most Indians want to live more like Americans.

We need wood to build our homes, meaning the forests of Indonesia, Burma, the Russian far-east, and Papua New Guinea will be largely gone by around 2025, and with them their birds, bugs, and Orangutans.

To have as many cars per person as the U.S., China will need 30% more cars than exist worldwide today. Driving them would burn 98 million barrels of oil a day, but the world only produces 85 million barrels.

We need a new, non-burning energy economy, a way of reducing population, and a way of replacing the delusion of infinite growth.

Four billion people live on less than $2 per day. Nearly a billion people get less than 80% of the UN-recommended caloric intake; they are, technically, starving. Undernourished women annually bear 20 million underweight infants, and more than half of Indian newborns would be in intensive care if born in California.

One-quarter of the world's people consume more than three-quarters of the world's goods. That's not fair. But to give everyone an American level of material living, we'd need two and a half Earths. That's not possible.

Because forests, oceans, croplands, and water supplies are all being depleted by the number of people we have now, a grim logic appears irrefutable: As we add people, either everyone will get poorer on average, or the poor will get much poorer. Or the population will be adjusted in the usual way: with shortages, bullets, and bombs.

SDFGHJKL:

SDFGHJKLZXCVBNMfghjklYUIOFGHJKLVBNMCVBNM

Laborly

The last time I let my guard down with my fat Bowls neighbors, just went about minding my own business, they hit me with a letter asking for $120 for parking my car in their favorite shady visitor spot...as I see everyone again doing exactly that with out recourse Im reminded of that letter in the mail about a year ago to the day...Im reminded of the cops knocking on my door when Im in my pajamas watching The Kardashians for the first time, thinking how mortified I would feel if anyone heard this on my TV....the police (as seen on youtube) threatening to arrest me because fat Robin called them to complain that I had left a note on the floor (in front of my door) that said nothing but "Dear Students of Christ the King" 30 minutes I was threatened with charges like "borderline harassment"...

Im reminded of this because I unfortunately had to see her come out of laundry room and now Ive been hearing her creeping around outside back and forth for hours now since...I so resent her invasion. So in order to not let her steal my peace any more than she already has I have an idea. I hate her not becase she hates me, but because she takes the extra step of acting upon that childishness and has for many years. She hates me because I have extremely large breasts her husband would love to mentally stick his face into...so here Im going to cure them from coming to read my blog by describing her husband fantasy for them....it would go something like this Paul? Pushing with my pelvis into the washer door to shut and start the machine you take me from behind and push up against me a few times while you undo my bra strap, before turning me around...brb

Bollywood True Story

So I'd been working at the front desk at Yoga Spa in Elmsford for maybe 6 months, I'd fielded a few emergencies at that point...and on this particular day  the teacher didnt show up and no one was available to teach...I think Patricia broke down on the highway something lik ethat...so I told her no worries. The room was heated ready to go and I would just lock the front door after everyone was assembled, put on the Bikram CD and lead the class...Abby Hoffman of Katonah yoga to my right side as my witness....she complimented me on having "such a nice practice" everyone seemed fine and happy afterwards...it was fine...I was happy to do it...not even worried about being compensated in anyway. I felt honored to have the opportunity in gact etc...But the next day instructions from Darling Danielle from Jaqui were for me to call every single student there for that class (I have a copy of that list to this day) apologize, return their money AND offer them a free class to make up for it. No waiting for any one of them to say boo, maybe if one person called and give them whatever makes them happy back...but to give back and away for free all of that AND to apologize as if I was such a failure etc....it's beyond a slap in the face...a few months after that I was asking about being sponsored to go to Bikram Training (this is '06) and by thanksgiving she just up and fired me for talking about how much I wanted to become a teacher...procedes to tell Markowitz she thinks I lost all my weight by using cocaine, putting him on alert about hiring me after the $12,000 2.5 month training...all this because Jane Kartsch set it in motion...calling Jacqi (I answered the phone the first time she called!) spreading her hate....I can be my own worst enemy AFTER the fact ya maybe...but Im Pippy Fkn Longstocking when Im happy at home....everyone LOVED me at yoga spa...accept Danielle the psycho rockette and Maura the spinster gossip....and after I left 2 year slater with all my bitching and blogging lots more ya but again...this is the damage done...what could have been was an excellent yoga teacher who could have generated work for others made a good living for myself, would have had my health I just know it.... instead...

There was a part o fa job app yesterday, right on th efront page about "being asked to leave a job because of disapgreement type etc etc....how do I not tell this goddam story the rest of my life....

On the ReRecording

The story becomes "President Clinton chimes in On Extending Tax Laws for the Wealthy" when it should be about the loss of even a US president's ability to chit chat. Is the word chit derived from shit? 

I want to formally request I be taken seriously? Risk arrest if I rub the wrong way some senators faux tittied botoxed spouse? Because someone with a circulatory system addicted to having PPBs iinjected into their blood, voluntarily...I mean...the moods swings of the sane lol? Money has become such a corruption it kills everyday...and people would rather internalize the tragedy, the secrecy around all misunderstanding and only pretend to be concerned citizens for the show that has in itself just become another job...people are so plastic no one speaks much because even Clinton is either driven, turned into becoming an idiot, sounding like an idiot, or was he just lunching and someone took out of context a point blah blah blah what am I talking about? Poverty comes from stupidty and inability to assume the best possible truth NOT faking positivity. I want to slap the shit out of people when they "support" each other even when the suck, or look like shit, or should be concerned with other "problems" in their life then Jennifer Hudsons' medicore voice and ridiculous life....Imagine being surrounded by people who behave the way her sister's (in law?) boyfriend did? People dont kill and committ suicide over relationship jealousy still do they? SO many other ways to express the importance of one's heartbreak...and scummy people rich or poor, for wanting something they shouldnt have been wanting....what a goddam mess....people would rather someone die or kill themselves so the stress of their secret coming out from your nutty lips at the wrong time will die with them...of course they'll cry at the funeral, and cry and laugh and laugh and cry and realize even they loved them....but now they will sleep sounder and their ability to work will be enhanced, to make more money for wifey's double d's...or kiddo's college....I cant get over the woman in ____...Lisa was her name, in this week's _____...see now when I do that...I mostly mean to explore an avenue of communication where someone might mention that I wrote about her, so as to say Im not talking about anyone's back...AND calling her out on it...ask her if a documentary filmmaker called her a few days ago who she said "I need someone they can think of as Mommy" to, and then hung up on me within about 4 minutes of the first meeting?  Here! On my blog! I can tell her that I would be a million times better mother than she! But I didnt get the chance because of how fucked up the world has become...full fo skeemers like herself, surviving like a detached animal, unable to listen, passing judgment on someone who barely got to speak....I have to confess IM full of shit here in that I should have blurted out to her before we hung up what a ridiculous use of words in a sentence and make sure she couldnt explain it away...ok Ill remove her name.... but its her indifference towards me that makes me want to shuv a poster of Kelly Thomas' face after Deborah Moore type cops beat the living shit out of him...it was on video right? Even whn its on video they say it didnt happen...and people with eyes and ears and robes allow them to pretend their lies have sanctuary for as long as they need...because we feel for each others' family's? Fuck That! Or no. Dont fuck that...but do not dare tell me? Im less than you....blogs should be like violent weapons...but their accuracy in truth must be taken just as seriously...seriously as a nuclear weapon....see... people are afraid to use four letter words like bomb because the "trigger words" digitally bring more and more attention of only more and more closedminded people...so who can navif=gate thru that? Clinton lol? Any US preisndet? No! The media has their little Mr USA President Contest and they do their talent bit, and bumper sticker sound bite testing...and then the real rulers play rock em sock em robots....

I remember looking at the Joe Bruno's TV facturkey neck surgery about 1996ish and wondering why I am riding my bicycle in the snow on my 36the birthday, 2 miles to the grocery store in teh catskills to buy milk....when I write that I just love the way it sounds...it doesn't sound real...such a milky white loveliness....and at the time it was the lowest point of my life....the word suicide was coming out but more as a threat I think I still felt hopeful then...point being

That's What Im Doing

Corkey Booze interview...amazing! Wonderful, common sense is so fucking sexy in this day and age, but how long before the lines end up drawn...whoever registered nofoodtaxes.com should be combed...you'd find a pawn of a media theatre excercise....hollywood for ugly people got tired of being ugly so it popularized platisc surgery and breast augmentation to make it appear respectable to the rest of the hungry world......it's such a joke how the media has become like a las vegas that decides which actor wins the prize...almost out of necessity, purely out of necessity how else does one keep the attention of 20 Billion individuals? I studied religion in college because I understood it was a glue, the glue....while most people I know use church like driving school...LA driving school.

Ive been diving as deeply as I can handle, today I sort of realized I can pause and reverse. Stop isn't the only option etc. I am as retarded as any retard and yet I am so fucking right about this, always have been, have been for the most part unimaginably polite about trying to point it out as best I can...only to end up destroyed...SO Im writing about the end of the world that so obviously on it's merry way...omg I never wanted to sound like a religious wacko...thats why I studied it-because it's a combination of so many differnt sciences...it just is common sense speaking for itself when people can put down the fight, or at least direct it to the right place...It could be so simple to steer the ship away from the edge but full grown human beings by the billions. MOST of them would rather fight each other to tocuh the steering wheel...like the dumb factors in primitive behavior we've romanticized out of recognizing..Ray Bradbury probably killed himself to make a statement but his obit must not read on into powerful places, it must be like Time Warner Music commercials...seconds of brb

...when I look at the idiotic waste thrown my way...My knees coming apart, Im going blind, I have chest pain, by back seems to have gone up ahead of me, my neck feels like it's giving up on holding up my head, nerve damage makes bones feel borken and muscls charlyhorsing, my fucking bones hurt for no goddam apparent reason, I have a large lump on my left tricep, lump in middle of left breast, sore inverted nipple, nasty pasty skin, inflammation that makes me look almost male...againg so rapidly not naturally...Ive been dealt any early passing....and so I will write about every goddam moment on my way , pointing fingers at the asshole, kissing the wa of my most beloved....Ive been reduced to open up, to aNALyze details, in what must seem like a crazed, detached, out of touch...actually this is the first year that Ive wondered myself if I am-and then that would be thanks to all the lovely haters who just so determined to see me dead...that's the thing, Im an asshole, Im a retard...but I never hurt anyone...I will so ruthlessly hold a mirror on an asshole who has hurt me and dared me....boundless...but I have never offensively made any move to hurt anyway ever deliberately...accidentally Im the first to apologize...but anyway the point of today's mental diareah is to record the following speaks for itself thin blue line damage:

This week I attempted to find work, with people I know and don't so much know both: Make sandwhiches, babysit for young children, sell insurance, walk dogs. Im left for dead...So I write about the irony. That Im supposed to blam Obama for that lol? Stupid hateful lying motherfuckers...news media doesnt want me to dwell on the FACT that a yoga teacher got away with filing false police reports to use against me while I was in the middle of a $12,000 training towards a perfect career for myself, every goddam person knows it....calling someone crazy is just a convenient way to keep pretending our solutions, answers to fixing problmes are built in. If one goddam person would simply acknowledge this FACT I wouldnt have to spend 5 years talking about it online...who's the student? Who's the teacher? News media doesnt want to hear stories about illegal use of a police force to sidestep any legal procedure whatsoever and rip out from under me a business I worked to own for a year...every lawyer in FL says I have a case...but not enough money...point one last time, is the solutions are ignored because people prefer to fight...I have filled youtube with things people, cops, all kinds should be sued for...but Im pennisless and not wanted to make sandwhiches for a dollar and hour...as I started talking to a babysitting job ad, she cut me off within a few minutes "Let me stop you right there" she said "Im not looking for a babysitter, Im looking for someone who knows how to be a prfessional Nanny, someone they can think of as Mommy." I fucking shit you not!!!! The woman is a neurotic idiot regretting getting knocked up by some looser who takes it up the but for a compressed wood house...and is incapable of recognizing someone more capable of great parenting than she will ever be....Im mean nothing is forgivable when it comes to screwing up kids thats why its so fucking important no? Look at her choice of words...anyway I can make her sound as awful as she was and it will sound like Im exaggerating no point.....
Everyone's laptop has likely been designed to expose everyone to uranium or some kind of radiation by th emasses....its just THE most brilliant design since Hiroshima right? You have to hand it to the chineses man....you cant help but be smarter within a 5000 yr old civiliztion? Person wants water. Person takes water. STupid fucking americans use their "wealth" to shoot silicones into their breasts and then they go thru a stage where they eithetr marry someone famous so everyone suddenly liek sthem (again) maybe have a maybe (usually) or theyre given a reality TV show...its pathetic. Its embarassing....I cant amke sandwhiches for $3 an hour man wow...I was begging these poeple to let me make their menus for free just to schmmoze! I have no gas in my goddam car...my knee is cimiubg aprt....no prosepct of making that any better...other than just accepting...this is how I go out!!! and still Jane will probably call the police when she comes to read? call lawyers shit mfs like jaQui? want to takle this RIGHT away from me, sue me, find a way to take away anything I may ever have in the future...so what is the point? the battel to shut me up from complaining the bs hand I was dealt and how it never had to be?

Dr Joel Fuhrman the GENIUS will be on Dr Oz on Monday explaing to the world why I lost 9 pounds the first week after I met him. Jane was so excited that I had lost so much weight when I first met her in 2006 that she went to buy his book (upload the emails asap-never forget I can back up any goddam word I write no time for doubt) and so the point is she knew how I had struggled to loose the weight finally, she knew that I was driving to felmington nj every few weeks to be a part of Chow Down documentary in exchange for paying the dr! I had no monet so the generously invited me to become a guinea pig! It was fantastic. I lost 54 pounds in just under 5 months...she cooked for me! she knew me well enough to know I was no "dangerous" person...she knew that the yoga was my life line...and look at what she did to me...fine she stopped me from being able to attend her studio for my choosing to go to Ja Qui? Where I also worked for better part of year, where 100s of poeple LOVED me, rooted for my weight lost, watching my wardrobe (although still old navy sale rack) become more fun...yet a year later after my training in Hawaii Ja QUi would say to Dan Markowitz "I think Raina could possibly have a cocaine problem?"!!!!! THis is what she says about her own place? Her own studios ability to claim this miracle I experienced? Who the fuck throws that away? This asshole would have to admit I bent over backwards to let her be mean and abusive to me as she was to everyone because she liked it that way...just had to play the part of tough black yoga teacher with the sharp tongue etc...like all yoga in westhcester its a show...fk im off point again....

I have to blame a presidnet for not findiong a job? You ficking wish u could get off the hook that easily

Sales Channel 12

When the news media is hyping a child abduction attempt story based on the most cliche stranger danger words like "Candy" and then ends the story demonstrating finger printing machines at a local nursery school it makes me wonder what was really going on...I mean When I think of the excuses I used to come up with as a little kid to try to convince the adults to call mom to come take me home, I also wonder if the kid didnt make it up...I mean come on? "A man in an all black suit with a briefcase offered her candy". Really? That's all they got? Oh ya and he had "blonde hair about 6 feet tall" Same height as her father they said she said......I just can't buy it and I guess I resent the fear someone is trying to introduce...Kids will be kids...Im just angry at the news media for blowing it up into a headlining story based on such scrappy evidence...Its a kid for godsakes...how hard is it to trick the kid into coming clean...or remembering more details....How ridiculous for News12 to go one and on based on one short sentence of info!? "Child almost lured by offer of candy"? These idiots are incapable of asking "Was it chocolate candy bar candy? Red Hots?" I mean seriously....Nothing? The kid just happened to be outside alone right at the moment the boogie man shows up? Please. This is how they sell us wars, security systems, war machines, fear....fear itself...I mean the public has been so oversold we're screwed into bankruptcy and they still cant see thru it...

No specific details about the kind of candy? a bag filled with candy? Because the way theu are reproting simply "tried to llure a 3rd grader away with candy" sounds like such a load of hogwash....No explanation as to why the kid was alon, how no one else saw the man...who was walking? Driving...The vague way they build the dramatic scene is just annoying...I'd like the story to end up being that the kid ends up telling a friend she made it up, or they find a connection between the "news" and the security company who sold the new finger printing machine to the private nursery school in town...was the blonde guy with the briefcase trying to convince CET to buy one of their fingerprinting systems for the school's entrance ways etc?

Tin Ear Syndrome Bunk

I had muted the TV before the Emergency Broadcast System test but I heard the electronic ringing in my ear the second the picture changed, so I unmuted to hear the annoying tone they use super loud...very creepy. Even an intelligent man like Wm Shattner can be tricked into believing Tin Ear Syndrome is a medical issue as opposed to all the spyware even back then....

Transit Police Officer of Venus

Accoding to Wiki info the full 2012 transit in 5–6 June 2012 will be visible from the Pacific Ocean, ncluding Hawai'i, northwestern North America, northern Asia, Japan, Korea, Philippines, New Zealand, central and eastern Australia and the Pacific islands. Most of North America and northwestern South America will be able to see the start of the transit before sunset, while southern Asia, the Middle East, eastern Africa, western Australia, and most of Europe will be able to observe the end of the transit as the Sun rises.

Would Your Body Pass the State's New Corpse Purity Test

From what I've read, there are no state regulations prohibiting burials on private property, there are only local regulations that hinder it.  "While some communities may have local regulations on this matter, there are no state regulations concerning burial on private property. However, the New York State Sanitary Code (10 NYCRR, Parts 100-158) does define the distances required between cemeteries and water sources (which vary from district to district) Anyone wishing to make burial arrangements on private property should check with his or her local government officials"

Everything else is about operation of cemeteries...nothing about my ability to be granted permission to bury my corpse in the middle of 1000s of acres of state land in an unmarked grave. So for the record consider this entry a public record of my formal request to NY State to be buried 25-100 miles away from civilization, in an unmarked grave....Im saying tis now before some genius decides laws need to be clarified before Id ever be allowed to have my way...ex post facto no no...Funny how poele only think in terms of safety in numbers even in death...that would be hell. It comforts me to think of my body hopefully being pure enough  to pass whatever testing my be imposed...corspe purity level...Im all for it...the forest would become radioactive from all the mercury in too many human corpses buried without vault or coffin...I want to be compost when I go. I want to feel the spring/summer mud on my flesh as I donate my organs to microbe's families who's populations are being wiped out exponentially contributing to the chronic imbalance....Its also incentive to start thinking about what our bodies are made up of, getting more serious towards the  decade or 2 before a general assumption of life expectancy etc...I want to be buried upright with space between my arms, legs and body, to give myself the feeling of side stroking my way back up to the top spiritually....At least 6 feet I guess so I would be compost before reaching back out into the oxygen....Im not kidding.

Washington Robling RPI

Miyamoto Musashi for example...
Enough with the empty, faux-patriotic, bumper sticker, hallmark card, war for profit propaganda crap in a VP Biden speech....West Point Graduation would be so much more impressive if they invited Salman Rushdie to speak...Or better 2 or 3 guest speakers, one of them as controversial as possible...it would be downright sexy....to watch the grads sit perfectly still while listening to the craziest ayatollah of late or anyone normally considered enemy...beyond "Know thy enemy"... let the most fanatical nut of all speak for 10 minutes...what a fantastic tactic....practical, enlightening if the professors are really doing their jobs. the men would know better than to only be grunts who bite chicken heads off...are we all responsible for the mass dumbing down? Is it just laziness? Or an indication of something by corporate design? How does West Point spell Military Industrial Complex? With yellow journalistic tendencies and BL Museums full of used ammo and bloodstains? Viola mindsets? Idiocy? Why? When?

Listening to Salman Rushdie talk about a "self inflicted loss of intellectual freedom in the Muslim world" but it seems true of all people, all religions more than ever...

When I listen to the journalist Manji's playful, atheistic laughter in sharing a joke with the interviewee the only thing that bothers me is a feeling of a lack of any true certainty, even though theyre giving the impression they know whatever they know as fact...anyway she comes around to say lovely words like "how do clear thinking people navigate a paradox"... and shit man I can't concentrate because police cars are driving high speed up the hill by my house for the past few minutes, I heard sirens far away and then suddenly a high speed chase thru my ghetto windows.....I guess relieved to know the police arent coming in to arrest me for blogging...does anyone at all get what the fuck Im doing by typing from a stream of consciousness? Is it really that hard to appreciate it takes a certain degree of bravery on my part? Of sacrifice? Of a will to survive even when I have nothing left and talk about suicide all the time? 

Or are you all too goddam drowning in your personal hells? the electric went off about an hour ago...war seems like a gradually intensifying happening at the moment...I feel sorry for Joe Biden, no idea why, but exactly how medicated was he at the West Point graduation ceremony? How incredibly amazing it would be if West Point was the intellectual capital it likes to think of itself as...and brave enough to invite someone like Salman Rushdie to give a speech instead of a washed up old drunk like Biden (sorry Joe-sick of the acting shit...) If a really great and inspired mind like rfkjr were to speak to the West Point grads....things would shift for the better....but even the oil industry eisenhower warned about holds west point's jewels in their CLAWS...all the fucking secrets of cowards man...I am so gd sick of it

How can Bikram Choudhury not give me back the $6000 my mother charged to a credit card to allow me to get a creer going fo rmyself? When will he explain why he allowed a cunt like Jane Kartsch to piss all over my life badly enough to interfere for no other reason than to entertain herself? THAT MOTHER FUCKING FACT HAS BEEN ESTABLISED, DOCUMENTED...I PURPSOELY LEFT MY FACEBOOK PAGE OPEN SO THAT ANYONE CAN TAKE THE TIME TO READ THE ABSURB WORDING OF HER POLICE REPORTS, the cruelty behind the thinking, behind...if only one person would acknowledge what was done to me...I get to show everyone how not crazy I am....as if because I seem over emotional over the pointless damage done to me in my life...lol...steal my peace? LOOK AT ME BIKRAM YOU STUPID FUCKING...You know what my roommate Claire (sundancefilm.org call you? "A silly little monkey! I was revolted by the ampount of disrespect SO many oeple showed you at my training!!!! Yet for sitting with my pen and paper in front row taking notes until 3 am...loosing 30 pounds before yours and Rajashree's eyes...fine to ignore me!!! Ignore away! But to allow any second hand news destroy someone...I dont think I was naive to believe you were better than that...) anyway what was I talking about...Oh ya and then the $5700 I gave from my working and savings to "own" BYT...thats $12,000 you owe me not including all the wasted time you cost me at such a critical point it was for me to get it together before I got any older than I already was, the tolls taken on my health..physically, and mentally....the stress you needless put me thru for what? Too many heroin addict lovers competing to be Miss Standing Bow? ...omg life could have been so lovely for me if your "headquarters" just left me alone.....and via butterfly affect perhaps other's lives affected positively exponentially...one life effects another so deeply, so many ways we dont always realize...one just never knows right? I have $7 goddam dollars in my FUCKING bank account at the moment...how can I get you to apologize to me by simply returning it? By depositing that money into my bank acct? Such a gesture would change my tone you see? We could publicly become friends again for 60 Minutes......omg how long will we be allowed to speak freely on the internet to throw stones at the Goliath's of the mind? Let's write my next blog entry together Bikram? Shock people! Let me be the first person youve ever apologized to...I know you are the type to pay 3rd party assassins to break into buildings and poison water mains etc...clever bunch of cornered poor people in the world we all are....hey let's save the world together...or you prefer the fake smiles of your anorexic heroin addict crew who are really thinking about you as a "silly little monkey jumping around on that platform" Lol I may even have it on tape you stupi dgoddam motherfucker...steal my peace? But do you understand the JOY I get to experience in not having to drive my sportcar alone into the desert to always think its best to keep shit to myself? To never say what you really feel, and to loose the ability to even know what it is eventually...

Colonoscopy is a Crime: Fuck You Katie Couric

Sensitivity is like a 4 letter world in this ridiculous world people like to call an American Society...the alienation Marx warned about...people loosing their instincts for prioritizing, intellectuallizing for a greater good, for a stability that allows human beings to be surrounded by the peace needed to understand where prayers travel to...I feel a war raging in my belly, literally...the stress, the hypocrisy, the irony of it all...someone needs to take people inevitably forever love of war and fighting and direct it away from oil and old war machinery...away from the denial..the acceptance of stupidty for the sake of convenience...the masquerade of how empty most people should feel for their empty pointless contributions in life all geared towards paying rent or mortgages or traffic tickets...the imbalance created by pretending for too long that the Bush Family was behind Ronald Reagan and the gulf war as front for oily real estate deals...in order to fix it people would have to give up even more of the mediocrity we've managed to hold onto....so let's just bbq and watch what happens? Or blog at least? Get people to (if nothing else) admit the crimes of Cheney? Our leaders are a buch of killers...gotta have a killer inside to survive that world....but there should be a way to at least admit it...that alone could lead to solution....thats praying...trusting the uncertainty with purity of heart...brb

Ya Im talking out my ass...but ...medicine as a business is the illness...

I only know what I am feeling after what is supposed to be a simple, standard procedure, everyone takes a few minutes to have checked out....interesting they say after the age of 50 because that really sums it up perfectly...the risk of damaging the colon, changing the muscle tone...clipping away like rectum cowboy...my doctor just sarcastically snipped away on the camera as if to simply answer my simpleton questions, right into my lovely white looking virgnal large intenstine...pushing his way into a place no one is meant to go. Until the age of around 2nd grade I assumed babies came out of the large intenstine..but not even babies go there! By design no one is meant to go up in there... for years I wanted to be cleaned out when I first heard about colonics...but when I went to make an appt I was too weirded out by the freak on the other end of phone to take the chance....so decades later, when the opportunity came up to have that "very important" cancer screening I took it. Thinking here's a real doctor performing a procedure the hippie wanted to do, and I did have some pain years ago I was always curious about...it just made sense to do it from all Ive heard etc...WRONG.

I'm very sorry Couric's husband died from something they say was preventable...but my god...every life, every case is different enough...its like they take high profile poeople who used to sell soap and now they sell breast cancer and colon cancer as if there is a tax haven to be taken advantage of for all parties involved...medicine as a business is the illness...

Ever since the medically accepted sodomy last November, Ive watched and felt my belly grow into what anyone else my age would likely say is basically normal...but it is not...is it possible he cause the teeniest perforation? An opening only a microbe could fit through? Of course it is...it's membrane...or does that tear into something much larger always...I have no way of asking any doctor these questions since the short coverage I had for a short time last year ended with the stupid colonoscopy. I have internal farting now, practically as loud as a man at times...I used to be perfectly regular, and at times of not never anything a night of Swiss Kriss couldnt remedy...suddenly its all changed and now months later feels worse than ever. Belly grows large, partially from overeating (how I deal with any and all stress) but when I do have my good days/weeks, the belly behaves completely differently...I see something almost septic happening in my skin even....all directly or indirectly linked to what? I feel cancer growing through for years...on a cellular level....dont have the vocab for it but a consciousness and attention to detail that only drives people crazy...that anyone would think so deeply about the details of their own life...constantly called paranoid only because I havent the bank account in the bankground to pacify the busy mad hatters who choose their social direction based on where the rivers of money flow...if youre simply having a picnic on donated Rockefeller property you are a Rockefeller to a homeless kid living in a car 10 miles south...

The money doesnt matter anymore. What will take it;'s place? The same thing that always does? A stu[pid enough mass to keep following "leaders" who are just ball-lessself appointed super heros who fit the suit...There is a machine that runs this country that Eisenhower warned about. Both political parties have to kneel to it in order for their president to get passed the audition...Romney's face is frighteningly handsome at times in still photos (while moving no good looks can hide the personality of a repressed colostomy bag) you can see the simple design that goes into relying on the dumbing down of the stupidest but largest numbers of people...republican party is the kind of person who would be thrilled by a constituency that doesnt speak english and votes for the pretty power jaw face and big bank account...they keep it simple, and milk that hold for all its worth, widening it....Obama is a brilliant thinking man, you feel capable ofdoing the right thing if allowed...the problem is theyre all tunred into puppets. But Romney cant even speak english like an eductaed person...he repeats the same old quatable quotes, empty nothingness, overseeing the mordor the Bush Dynasty has grown to loose US respect in the world, bankrupt the country for the sake of oil industry...and I have to say this alone, surrounded by morons rapists pigs, snakes...nasty poeple for the most part so rarely do I ever meet anyone who sees, who has honest instinct, vision, and ability/bravery enough to admit uncertainty and then the patience to hold shit together for the rest of us idiots...The only time I ever hated Obama was when he invoked the ghost of Reagan..Ronald fucking Reagan-what a jok.. he first president to really take the office into a santa clausian mythology...theyre all a bunch of actors...just like my doctor who probes asses all day long...but makes enough money to raise a lovely family and save money for the kids to go to college....but to make a living nowadays means planting cancer for the kids future...the cancer is deep within the way we do things and brb

The Apartment Bldg Across the Way About to Fall?

For years Ive looked at the cracks in the foundation of the building and have wondered..for weeks now my dog utterly refuses to walk by the end of the building I thought because of something he saw at first, then figured it must be something he was smelling...and just now today, more adamant than ever not to pass this corner at all pulled so hard on the leash to reverse direction it was shocking...suddenly I looked down and saw a small pile of rocks that look like chunks from the concrete of the building. Then I noticed a massive crack to its side..suddenly it felt like Lassie sensing a Tsunami amd I wondered if the building was in fact gradually on it's way into collapsing...

I already sent emails years ago about the cracks I noticed in building with pics to board members and super etc...so at this point who do I tell? The important thing is that if the building falls they prefer to remember me as crazy not to be taken seriously because of people like Jane...why so many people opt to just keep to selves...that ugliness, the chronic mutual hate has invited an international free for all...no matter what the business, as long as they have cash...Americans will dialogue with highest bidders only...even if its counterfeit...money rush...valuless money rushes and all the forms of destruction it eventually leads to.....letting things go..expecting too much out of peole..why should anyone care over other people's business -kept in check out of fear of financial failure, ensuing homelessness...everyone needed to be able to have their own farms...now we just have 10 peope per oxygenating tree and millions of landscapers and maids  take them down and rake.....talking about the reality of the mess may or may not help....but its the only option at this point really...Marcel Bobe has a vision of latino rule....she will probably have her way...but why pretend the grab for power is in anyway impressive...shallow bullshit reigning....now uneducated, noenglish speaking shallow bullshit reigning .... blows. Stupid enough to let it happen...so be it...but Im not going to pretend that oompaloopah traffic is culturally enhancing....share those tomatoes....stupidty thanks tp Reagan mercenary relocation programs from Iran Contra...thats the missing link to understanding wtf latinos are so often republican...its my own nc family's fault that I got to see with my own eyes in late 80s a dozen bulldozers all manned by short latino men take down the last of the buildings, after I went thru to grab a few mementos....I feel bad to say this because of latinos in my life that are practically family, wonderful people...I dont mean to sound as ignorant as I probably do...its a question of why the trend in so much international invasion...from the poorest countries...not to be free...but to suck dick for cash...why do we romanticize this? By the fkn millions...every year...for money nothing else...they bring their uneducated asses and animal crimes with them...But when I see what is done to people atht are here Im also sickened by stupid white people (an dthe blacks who stand by ot saying a word)....all poeple suck. Let me repeat ALL people suck no matter where they are from...IM after the money barons...and those allowed to call raping the land "business"...

I Would Just Like to Say

I was just reading a story about a crazy kid who apparently went nuts a few days ago. I must admit the only reason I paid attention to the story was because the TV news broadcast the fact that he was the son of a Yorktown Supervisor..Once again the name Grace caught my attention, unfortunately for a another sad, awkward story...It has to be at least 10 years ago that I once spoke with someone at the law firm in Yorktown...Im not sure if the father of the boy is the same lawyer I spoke with, because there were brothers I think...but the photo looked like him....what an awful, cruel, mean man I remember thinking...because the only reason I chose to speak with him was I liked the sound of the name "Grace". I'd never heard the name as a last name before...I dunno...but the impression this asshole made on me was life chnaging, in that I both learned from him, admired his elegance from a far, very nice secretary etc...his was rude, disrespectful, full of himself...he made me feel foolish for wasting his time (the lawyer I finally did retain was awarded $30-of which he of course kept most of) but anyway...Waste of time is so incredibly subjective it can only end up being humorous...The man was incredibly impressive and yet left me with a chill over the way he was co cold and mean...enough so that I remember him almost every time I drive by that building....so I just want to say....my guy feeling.....poor kid, he's only 15 maybe there's still hope for grace.

If I had children I wouldn't be able to speak freely....I was robbed of having a family I believe because of a culmination of unfortunate bullshit events that makes up my life at this point...the common thread, a conspiracy of a thin blue line is unfortunately worthy of a personal war and piece...if you had the choice between dying gracefully or being poisoned and dying a slow death in front of cameras...how do you choose? Everyone would choose life mosstly I guess...but at what point does life after death idea start shining its light? If this guy Grace has his son on some Ridlin type shit let's say, you can bet he's a supervisor who would love to rip through virgin forests to build multi warehousing for biopharm corporations...the examination of such contradiction is the new capital....money is running out because the hate is gracefully revealing it's pointless stupidity come to get paid....I had SO much to offer in life that for me to end up as I have is just indication of powers that be who hover for each other, allowing, encouraging elitist disrespect for the law....there are too many people to blame in my life...but Grace was so mean to me in barely a 10 minute meeting (of course I waited in their lobby for a good half an hour or so)....

So take it easy on the kid maybe and call the leader on his own driving skills...I want to make a documentary called My Dinner with Grace where I get to ask questions of Grace and his appointed date Marcel Bobe.... The woman who on Spet 6th 2011 at a Peekskill City Schools meeting that aired on TV for at least 1-2 weeks said (quote) "I don't care what the teachers in Rye do. I don't care of the teachers in Rye get shot. This is not Rye!" Worse than her statement was the way the new school superintendent didnt say a word, didn't question her in any way whatsoever. Not one board member or person in the room called her on it. To this day I have not been able to get a copy of the video, whoch has probably been destroyed. However I do have a recording of the superintendent's very sweet secretary who was very funny about how bothered she herself was about it...so she heard it and I have her saying so on tape...becauee I so hate being called crazy.

Point is awful women like Bobe are entrusted with power only because they are bully-ish in their nature, at the least pushy. Lazy people allow themselves to be pushed over...the same people would stand by and watch th

Bloomberg So Hot

It's the sexiset thing Ive ever seen a politician do in my life. His job. Use his power gratuitously, because when it passes the test as actually being innovative an d for the greater good, in fact, he gets away with it...amazing to listen to the retarded head butting political argument the media turns the gestire into a fight rather than a way to recognize how important it is people talk about it-always has to be a goddam idiotic platic toy prize in the box or at the end or a crucifixion for these vampires...

Bloomberg using his news to get the public to dialogue civilly about what a bunch of diabetic, obese, partially brain dead morons the majority of our "society" is lovely...

Sidenote: I just saw video of a woman (so they say) driving into people sitting at a bar...did she do that on purpose? That is teh kidn of sht that is going to start happening in the world, people gnawing on faces....bank robbers strolling through midtown hitting 11 banks in one day I think they said(?) Make the goddam link between how my life was trashed by the thin blue line's energy, when since 1993 with the first knee to my skull, black eye, beating by an AfAm nyta police officer named Deborah Moore because I didn't have a subway token...thin blue line including putting a vhs copy of what appears to be the pinching of a telephone battery to the trooper who did the pinching...I did this in reaction to the way I was treated so miserably by this small community, as a stranger without money, loosing an opportunity, a substitute teaching position with the Cairo Elementary School...I have just about every goddam conversation with these cops on tape. I even have a radio shack recorder going in my handcuffed hands, after a (no shit) "Trooper (Sgt?) R. Kennedy" was what his tag read and I even ask him that on the tape and he refernces it etc...Mezzacappa I think was one of the cops who drove me somewhere.....I even ran doing a "REALITY" documentary idea by Sara Risher VP at New Line Cinema in 199Fucking 5! Had there even been Big Brother yet? NO! ALWAYS I am ahead of the trend...used to be anyway...and sometimes still even in old old old age! If for no other reason than to simply get a leg up! What the hell else could I do to get my credibility back...but she was too busy to see it I guess...omg I was making a reality show since I got my sony handicam in 1993...cops bursting in without warrants throwing me out after newspaper ads steal my cash type homelessness...thsi is what I live thru before my mom scooped me up somewhat and started helping me out at the ripe old age of 40...Ive never owned my own washer or dryer in my life. I wrote music for capital records through mid 90s...lol I even used that Capital records acct to write to Bobby Kenned-proof? Nah...Poeple are too self important to lift a pnky and make all the differnce in the world effortlessly...juts by being fair...such a difficult concept? why....Cap Records strip mining pool or musical  idea parts...but never owned a CD until 2000. I cant always afford toilet paper, and for much of my life used ttoilet paper because I couldnt afford fem products...
Jne Donna, and all that petty cunt gossip interferes with my ability to work putting boxes in boxes no I think perhaps it really goes that far because of something temp agency person asked me abpout today. Im in a warehouse, at a table, cheerily enough with a smile on my face ready to contribute my best ocd side and focus for 8 hours of widgetting...But people want to take a shot at me. By taking even a crap job away...THIS is the cure for suicide-to recognize how often ADULTS bully each other to the edge......the thin blue line will just take exceprts out of context instigate put forth their pov and agenda...not even for cover up...just plain old special ops target practice...Train of thought offically derailed...too bad...

Point is handing a cop a video of himself shoplifting was a mother fucking courtesy. They were the ones who made it "official" and from what I know although I was named, someone, as in Radio Shack, got sued and Liberty Mutual oversaw, giving me a call in 1999 or 2000ish to ask me if I were in anyway conspiring with this Trooper, which made me wonder what kind of settlement they were giving him, what kind of new car, a home maybe? Wile I was left for roadkill by these petty incidents with major consequences...to this day it either colors my opportunity or people outright use it as a evil leveraging tool, bu adding to the pile, like Jane Kartsch, or Donna T...feeling confident enough to use authority to create another false police report..."known to be a dangerous person" is now my official title to live down...so I say why bother...."My own worst enemy" perhaps at this poing AFTER the fact...when I gone...anyone who cares enough...go talk to these people I write about and use the documents (entire 50 H Hearing from 1993 is online with webarchive SanFran and notice never will they ever be able to make any more lies up...see the lies, catch them, corner them in tehir lies and they will persist in getting you to find reason to hate me too...without ever having had the chance, unable to see that they robbed me of so many of those chances, which leads to death by cortisol, financially broke, depressed beyond getting up off the couch to bother checking a lottery ticket....no one can EVER say I EVER did ANYTHING to ever hurt them before they made a choice to either physically pumel me, or loose my investment, ability to work, support myself, have a craeer. IM working in a goddam factory like Norma Fucking Rae meets carmen right now...I dont mind it so muchh...its better than having the electricty shut off....wwmkd? poor liars.

The defamation thing with Radio Shack was because its possible he set it down before leaving the store. The only reason I havent put it online is because Ive been showing it to poepl efor years...so many people have seen it, its teddious, too much misunderstnding has been created over it as it is...My point has always been to compare myself to the shit people that haveFIRST hurt me, an dthen for saying a word about it...I get sued or loose more family and frioedns...the hypocrisy too thick to comprehand...too tired to check this bad bad bad writing....hey b...how you doin?

This guy was involved with me not getting work at the school.  It's hard to let things go when you're sitting on a mountain with a blown transmission and winter is coming...Ive always tried to battle the details of cruelty simply to make the point that this is a source of great imbalance...I was born powerful...I am still powerful....Im old and going into passing mode...body riddled with cancer...maybe explains why muscles and tendons and bones break with as little as a sneeze..... I was trying to say to this cop "Respect me!" Or better: "Go sniff out why people in other countries might want to blow up WTC in a few years...oh ya...it 1993 from the catskills I mailed a letter of apology to Iraqi Mission in NY...who wants to bet on how many poeple read it? Who read it before it made it to destination? Maybe a "crazy" gesture like that served to hold back the bout2burst dams a few more years out of sheer respect for decency? Bush admin was criminal and the criminality is financed with intl money I guess I dont know...factory in 5 hours. Fuck And fuck you too.

Haveb't been able to find work since January...first job in my life Im working in a factory for 3 days...yesterday I was told I was really good for someone that had never done this before, today I was yelled at for being 1 minute later and parking next to the mail box....the eyes of the boss made me wonder if Jane Kartsch hadn't warned her that I am "bad news" do poeple REALLY not get how this works? What my life could have been if I was left alone? Instead people now CONSPIRE to see to it there is no cash flow in my life...I bitch about it..and for that Im driving further and further up crazy boulevard....Stopped from excelling at great well paying job as yoga teacher...doesnt end there...stopped from temp work in a factory...because it only takes one stupid person to spread the hate to another stupid person who doesnt knwo me from adam....or maybe they do.

You'dthink one's enemies would be content toi see someone they despise at a factory table minimun wage job...but they dont stop there...THAT is what I have tried to document for th epast 20 years. Go fuck yourself and your pretend books Barb Ehrenreich...I didnt mean to live my life into the ground...Julianna? You still there? Remember when you told me what I was doing was dangerous? My vow to not do anything for money I didnt believe in...you were right...people poison people like me for no more tna rubbing them the wrong way...and as my former boss andrew once told me "Youre problem is you act like you have money and when poeple find out you dont they step on you"...I will always be grateful to him for siumming it up pretty welll...now what from here? Slow death alone..

Poor People From the City

When I was 16 years old it was my job to keep the bathrooms clean at Croton Point Park one summer. I basically learned a few guitar techniques from the ticket guy and read rip fucking van winkle under almost ancient trees, completely safe (or so I felt), with sun, without sun...whatever my wish...and the bathrooms were pristine..until the weekends. when 100s upon hundreds of people from the mostly the bronx I think...all descended upon the paradise and turned it into hell...but they seemed to love it...fresh air will do that to living creatures. Im talking diareah on the walls. Im talking fireman size hosing downs. I worked very hard on the weekends. Call me racist but I didnt mingle with the busloads of poor people from the bronx whose diareah I just washed off the walls...It was decades later that I started thinking about that story in terms of race. Mostly hard core african americans who played really fun music....Ring My Bell was a hit that year...it was  strange how openly sexual unattractive as they were horny people were....eever once as a child did I look at these people as "black" I literally categorized it as "poor people from the city". I had no animpsity whatsoever...nothing but a sense of humor...but the fact is...its the behavior that leaves used diapers sitting on tree stumpes for wild animals to unknowlingly eat it  with cotton and platisc diaper material...I mean there is no thought behind it...noy even laziness...maybe thepoeple forgto it...but I have the urge to drive back to where I saw this today (not croton point somehwre else) and remove it...I was too busy being andry to consider walking 1/4 mile deep into th ewoods to pick up memorial day spicnic garbade...why are their coyotes? because its required the woods be further raped to house people escaping their own backwards countries...bringing teh backwatrdsness here...my god I know Afroican poeple cant stand American Blacks for being more disgusting than whote poeple are disgusting in other ways...everyone is disgusting...IM trying to address the subject of over populkation by pointing out how sick of it I am when people romanticize disgusting human culture....and the stupidity that leaves us unable to discuss it honestly....Its ALL about poverty never skin color...but there were no white people, no asians, dont remember any latinos at the park on those weekedn every single one was African American (thats not an accurate enough term anymore its insulting to africans who have become american citizens...the american society has become so completely run on counterfeit materialism its beyond disgusting majority of the peope no matter what color...but in differnt ways. My experiecne with ameircan black as neighbors for the past 15+ years is that they are dirty, selfish, set horrible examples for their kids, violent for the stupidest reasons....and my right to try to describe my experience in life in written word is being outlawed..as everyone is dumbed down..to make way for the new chang dynasty....

Forcing the Middle Eastern Desert Countries in Becoming a Wealthy Solar World Power

It's always seemed to me that US has been bullying middle east over subject of oil but never really admits that willingly or openly. It's alwasy seemed wrong to me...and yet when I see nuclear power development...it feel slike why not...go ahead and slap the shit out of retarded idiots who will blow up the world in the name of whatever revenge they may well have any right to...but...enough...bringing feuds, wars, violence from other countries here is like being tricked into becoming a part of other people's obsession...Forcing the Middle Eastern Desert Countries in Becoming a Wealthy Solar World Power..has a more forgivable sounding karma to it...

Under the DESERTEC proposal, concentrating solar power systems, photovoltaic systems and wind parks would be spread over the desert regions in Northern Africa like the Sahara desert.^[9][10] Produced electricity would be transmitted to European and African countries by a super grid of high-voltage direct current cables.^[10][11] It would provide a considerable part of the electricity demand of the MENA countries and furthermore provide continental Europe with 15% of its electricity needs.^[9][12] By 2050, investments into solar plants and transmission lines would be total €400 billion.^[10] The exact plan, including technical and financial requirements, will be designed by 2012

Watching Those We Don't Much Lke Die Off Slowly

In a nutshell. I told a neighbro Ive known for almost 11 years about my serious pain in my breast today...she's been a nurse for  a few decades and is studying to be a Physicians Assistant...what she's good at is acting like she cares and was able to get rid of me pretty painlessly to not have the conversation about my symptoms...thats cool...people need to not mix up work and home it's commonly believed/understood/accepted anyway...but I also have a cousin in law who is the head of some breast cancer dept/program with some huge university hospital...when I sent him an email with a few simple questions...he didnt even as much as reply...not a word....and I am slowly accepting the reality that I will be allowed to fade out...Im not afraid as much as having to go out alone. This is why Im so beyond pissed at Birkam and Jane K when I think about old emails like 5 yrs ago when I begged Bikram to intervene and sopmehow help me undo the damage, because I could feel I was at a crucial place with my health...I knwo that if I had just been allowed to excel without her interference I would likely be rich for being so goddam healthy at my age-which is really proof, money in the bank, that I knwo what Im doing...because I was robbed of not only work, but ability to stay focused on practice at such a delicate time...it really was a life or death time...so the irony that I didnt fail, and yet Jane actually called all teh places I could work and insisted they not hire me, scared them with stories, lies, perhaps twisted trutsh etc...why does she get away with interfering?  Then it took on life of it's own...at 46 I still had some life left in me, I was strong before I went to training and strong thru it...until I was pushed too far at end and a tendon snapped, that took years to heal, 5 years later and for the first time I havent noticed it as much...and yet my body is so crashed, its all different. But it was more emotionally what the Birikram organization did to me after the training that ruined my health as fast as it fixed it...I held onto the belief fo rthe past 5 years that if they would jsut let me be and see how set up I was, I can still catch up and make everything alright...but my vulnerability is too tempting an opportunity for floriidian whores to not try to climb up on..The fall last year has officially made me old...my breast hurts so much right now...I will hold it and comfort myself, eat ice cream, watch TV, realize it could be worse, remember what an incredible time Ive had in life, and that Ive never met anyone I would trade places with...

I could go on and on, the list of doctors Ive wasted time with in my life...but the point is to explore the stupidity and irony...how much easier and convenient it is to simply call me crazy for being hurt, for being ignored, made to feel my life matters to no one and express that irony via this way...so hated for this that all these poeple I write about savor the day I will be gone, not one would lift a finger...what would be the point? Look how vulgar I am? In a nutshell my point here sums up the state of "Health Care" in our country....our disconnect from reality and any ability to be honest anymore without being overwhelmed by the insanity that would follow from people admitting theyve been lying to each other en masse....omg...

The tree  to human ratio is an indication of where cancer comes from, its like Morton Hears a Moo (Opposite of Horton) on a larger scale view...macro view....of the hell and the heat on it's way...hell is living with people from warn climate who cant help but turn the world into a giant parking lot without water and believe the constitution includes passages about donuts and rights to BBQ in times of drought....

5K Walk for Herpes Banners and Signs of Life

Yesterday I was driving south on 9 when I saw a banner hanging off an overpass bridge that said "5K Walk For Herpes" date time stuff etc. Totally looked like a real sign but I laughed so hard I wanted to get off the next exit turn around and get a photo. I started thinking about how surprisingly bold and progressive it seemed, imagined how weird it might be, and then proceeded to forget about it. That is until today when I was again driving south on 9 and this time had my camera ready. Unfortunately it was gone! It seemed so abruptly not there anymore, considering it's a holiday weekend I wondered who would be in such a hurry to take it down? Maybe an art collector with a sense of humor...actually I didn't think that until tonight. Because later on today, I saw little signs stuck in the road that said "5K Walk for Heroes" It took a few seconds to sink in...then I realied someone must have been having a little fun...But if it wasnt someone who took the sign as a souvenir, it breaks my heart to have to imagine something much worse...like a culture full of soldiers, half of which went to war for the money and or to avoid jail time, who not only lost their sense of humor, but would have cops tryign to get fingeprints o rcheck video surveillance or god knows wht, to spend time looking for a group of pranksters who brought a smile to a lot of peoples faces probably...I think of Hawkeye in M*A*S*H and a world thats been turned into a culture that by law now requires the US to be a bunch of Frank Burns without the comedy, with governor's repeating incredibly stupid bumper sticker phrases like "Freedpom isn't Free!!" That has to be the dumbest, most full of shit, non sensical goddam thing Ive ever heard.

What are we fighting for? The right to keep playing dumb that China owns your goddam cowardly asses. Hile.