I want to try to explain why I cling to this yoga, since 1989, all through life's most hurtful contradictions, although a challenge and not always achievable, still always attempting to go for a daily practice.
One night last week the husband of a colleague said something in passing that was a scoff at "my" yoga compared to his experience with yoga. Since yoga technically includes everything there is no actual right or wrong in a way. It was so subtle I would be accused of paranoia for thinking about it too long-except for the fact that the dig was SO obvious even to another yoga teacher who heard it too. She gave me that wide eyed look that says "Wo! Uncool dude! What was that about?"
Allow me to tell you what it is about. No one was offering yoga in any gym in westchester 20 yrs ago, but I walked into a Gold's Gym in Croton on Hudson NY in 1993 and asked them to consider allowing me to teach a yoga class, Since I learned this in 1989, and Bikram was the only yoga I really knew I would have taught a Bikram style Class. But they didnt take me seriously and laughed me out of the building. Why? Because I didnt have any money. I had the idea at the front desk while filling out a job app. The credibility wasnt there. So sort of understandable (and its not like I pushed the issue harder tham that). But it's no coincedence that here I am almost 20 yrs later still being interfered with. Still being ruined by people who I beat hands down as both a teacher AND (back then anyway) a practicioner-skip all the photos of splits in the air in balletic showing off as a child...
Too simplistic an explanation? Not at all. I was creatively trying to make work for myself. So right on the mark with what was trending=but when you don't have capital, an element of being almost like an untouchable takes over. Alone. All the "important" friends who are more comfortable controlling the mouths of the peers who know each other's secrets...Im loud. And like My boss Andrew once said "You know what youre problem is? You say things about people you cant get away with unless you have a lot of money." Or in my case Any. The disdain I feel over a loss of so many years for no reason whatsoever, other than a biley sickly unconsciousness that Disney based their mirror mirror on.
Valuable work obviously as the yorktown studio expnads into it's second location in the city. But Im left cashless because Im stupid? Because Im obnoxious when Im robbed of a crucial beautiful plan late in life? Because Im not capable of reciting a 90 minute dialogue effectively? Because I understand the magic life healing force of yoga without even trying and have since I was a child (on some level)? I hobestly cant remember the name of the man who's provoked this feeling of pure rage. SO many years spent trying to "help" the people...who are as lovely as dragonflies and butterflies level focus. hatha yoga isnt about letting the ups and downs of human relationship get in the way of the purest human workout available.
A $12,000 investment blow up and family relationship destroyed. Because people like to crucify each other in gossip. I mean this nameless man represents a chain of talk I wouldnt waste my time, lower myself into bothering to think about. Effortlessly see thru...Years lost because lies were unleashed upon an innocent person's life. I was robbed because of a stupidity run amok. My yoga shows me OUR reality. Especially when it's all I have-was Bikram Yorktown worried I might only have my eye on the same 2000 people when there are 200,000 people all over the place? There is no explanation as to why key people in my life at key moments backstabbed me so shamelessly. All I know is that counterfeit money squashes what it's jealous of. A freedom few get to ever experience as they're too busy torturing each other with their smiles and scoffs...Ill edit the typos AFTER I practice....keeping ,y priorities straight....Feel free to learn just by walking past... dear one. Welcome. Peace. Can't touch this. I am probably the fkn proverbial princess you never got to boff,while Bob Dylan's song Like a Rolling Stone applies in your mind-what a sad delusional hater joke :( watch me cling.
No comments:
Post a Comment