I've been looking for my bliss thru glazed donuts of late...I few hours ago I was sure I was having a heart attack. A feeling of something as intense as a charlie horse thru my chest, unable to breath for about a minute. I consoled my heart by not forcing a breath, tried to stay calm and finally it passed...ya probably just passing heartburn, but the thought stat went thru my head were very much that of someone who's getting ready to pass on...I imagined what I would do..there are no neighbors I would want to ask for help if need be...and I realized I hate my neighbors so much I'd rather pass out and accept my fate then risk being unconscious and dependent on them for anything-certainly not to be there for my final breath....
It broke my heart to hear about the soap opera actor yesterday who committed suicide over a situation where he was pressured into prematurely euthanizing his dog and then out of guilt took his own life....I was in virtually the same situation in 2003...In the US, in my 40s, not allowed to own a dog etc...the petty crap adults go after each other about have turned me into a professional asshole...Im too old (thanks to god) to give a crap about the opinions of pc people who would succumb to pressure to euthanize their own parents if it were a matter of convenience....
I don't know what the future will bring...we'll see
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