It was like Jane called Hawaii and planted a seed to make everyone of the staff over analyze and question any tiny thing I did. As if the staff ask even my fellow trainees to notice anything "strange" or "dangerous". This would explain why Craig Villani asked me if it was true that I threatened my roommates children...I even recorded a conversation with Claire Maartschalk about what the hell that was about and even she admitted she was surprised by that ...almost EVERYTHING I talk about is somehow recorded....I can prove ANYTHING. That is why Bikram may succeed at killing me in his pathetic cowardice need to shut me up but my words will resonate forever. Fucking pigs, Im Pat Fucking Tillman. Wrong is wrong.
I need to ask Bikram what he thinks is the expected, appropriate way to act when a person looses their chance at having a family, not because of some accident of nature or bad luck in general, but because a yoga master stands by and allows it. When all that was required of him was to do nothing. To stand back and watch the better person grow healthy and strong and prosperous again. Bikram Choudhury is a disappointment because all he had to do was referee his abusive staff. If he were a real master he could have effortlessly stopped the abuse just by acknowledging the facts vs the bullying that he entertains hmself with.
I remember at training this woman named Maria something something, she claimed from Mexico, was always meeting with Rajashree, as if some crisis of spirit decision about staying or leaving was taking place. As if she had a dying child in the hospital...and if she did...ya Im SO out of line for writing about her...but Im quite certain that was not the case....was it money? Did she give the choudhury's some massive amount of money to cover a few people there? Because they certainly dont need any one person's money especially if they'll require all that extra counseling and time...wait a minute let me check the files and get her name...all clues as to this seemingly tedious, pointless qurestion turning out to reveal a corruption than cost me the chance of having a child....oh by the way I've started having hot flashes and havent had my period for about 6 mos for the first time in my life....so its official....but even at 46 I was still so healthy and young compared to most, even with a feeling of disease coming on...the yoga helped so much...it restored everything...like a gift from god...my god it made me so happy...so why would these people take it all away so brutally? Leave me at the old age of 51 now, about 6 years later...decaying from the depression and stress of spending these last crucial years FIGHTING with bully yoga teachers....and for writing about it too no less! A cop was at my door just a couple weels ago at the bequest of Jane Kartsch...because I tried to empathize with someone who had been driven out of their job with what sounded like tit for tat police reports..and he was 10 yrs older than me I think....I dont know if he was a psycho...but I speculated for the purpose OF MAKING THINGS BETTER and exposing the REAL problem. The lies first but then worst...the absolute refusal to admit those lies....even when she has stolen ever single last possible shred of hope, of any future whatsoever at this point...all I have before dying from all of this is a keyboard, to bitch about it..and these pieces of shit still wont admit their wrong, still come after me, still are deteriined to turn me into some version of a colorado rifler so they can show their kids the newspapers offical record of the twist they created....so they can "protect" that love, that glorious eternal bond with the infinity of love with their kiddos....and thats why they keep getting away with it too...because most people have that family thing, hat understanding that its normal to change the facts in order to let their little prince and princess think their mommy or daddy is a good person.....Tell your son why you ruined my life Jane Kartsch and maybe one day I'll ask him. Why, even tho its so obvious how much Im hurting, all these years...why she will never admit that she went OUT OF HER WAY to sabotage my last chance at pulling a successful, lucrative future for myself out of a hat, ruined it all, based on some silly high schoolish need to trump some more attractive girl, who seemed to have more htan she ever would even when broke.
Here Jane take a look at my dying skin...feel free to fantasize about my worsening health, and how hopefully sooner than later I will be dead from chronic Lyme's or cancer or whatever the hell is wrong with me....Go Bikram and Jane!! Bully on.
Oh ya Maria Goroztieta. She pulled this latinas gang towel ranger shit on me a few times, I mostly ignored all of them...until one day I "lost it" and did an impersonation of her female ricky ricardo...everyone laughed it was so spot on...but for this I became known as "racist" by the staff. When another latina gang girl laughed at me while I was on cructhes going up in the elevator, I called her an insensitive hypocrite who didnt deserve to call herself a yofa teacher...but when the story got around to Bikram, he was under the impression I had simply said the word cunt 100 times for no rational reason....why? Because that latina was fucking Sanjay (Bikram's nephew) her name was Beatriz Ramirez from Ibiza Spain. If she wasnt actually fucking him she was hanging all over and kissing him in public....Oh ya it was Sara Halpern from Charlotte NC (allegedly-her semi famous dad is an MD in Jacksonville FL) who actually pushed the Latinas over the edge one morning with that last towel dispute (placed too many inches to right next to Sara-was what it was all about I shit u not)...anyway Sara and Maria made a point of taking BJ (Bikram NYC) aside and saying something to her that had Bikram eyeballing me all night. It was the same day that I'd torn my soleus muscle in BJ's 6am class and was on cructhes for remaining of training...to this day I still have repurcussions from that injury but Beatriz thru her laughter let me know everyone thought I was faking my injury...it was awful...no one even helped me CRAWL to my 24th floor room...the cruelty was beyond measure....in front of 300 people Bikram made fun of a woman with Lupus who's blatter had burst during the training, ambulance was carrying her out on a stretcher while he taunted her, complained that she'd soiled his carpet and how disgusting this was etc...it was shocking....call Simon Goddard to find BJ. Ah so in love they were at the time.
Or better. Maybe someone can subpeona Donald James Leung to hand over his video tapes of our talent show. Where I got in trouble for having nerve enough to take the guitar out of these talentless twits hands and play a song...observe how bad I was? Or maybe better than they wanted to admit...so set on despising me. Here I thought maybe they will like me if I surprise them with a song Jonathan Demme and Capitol Records seemed to like...really? That's considered "dangerous"? Ive begged the little psychopath for a copy of his video for years, but he only gav eit to a few and ignores me ...last week he unfriended me for asking too much I guess...I mean to have this footage of me playing a beautiful song in front of Bikram with hundred of people in the audience-could have heard a needle drop....would shed so much light on what was really happpening. I mean Jospeh Encina's "classical" guitar playing was SO unbelievably bad...as if he'd just bought an Alfred book 1 day before his "performance" and yet because he was such a great yogi...everyone went crazy applauding becaus ethat was what Bikram wanted...omg it was so creepy....if only people took the word "healing" more seriously more sacredly....so much I had to give life back....
This is me now (its all over my arms and legs and have no insurance to do anything about it) NO car tpo get me to a dr if I could even afford....I havent blwon my brains out, and wont, because at least my flawed family underneath all of our separate problems was there for some support...if Id been alone as Jane had hoped....she would have successfully DRIVEN me to kill myself. I truly believe that has always been Jane hope. To get me to jump. Subtle, hard to see....doesnt make it far fetched-jsut means poepel are only capable of caring so much-only so many hrs in a day...and its a messy world out there. Instead of fighting the important battles petty people like Jane and Bikram and all these other asshole Ive mentioned are so about boundless energy poured into hiding their deception....thats whats dangerous...they have the money...thats why the world will see war here soon one day....poor prioritizational skills...and denial..all for what?
Can I get an editor please? Im too spent to bother editing shit people WANT to misinterpret...but its a story worth putting out there.
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