Domestic Violence vs International Violence. Whats the Difference? Fuck Your Bullshit Bully Foundations-Look in the Mirror

I've not been using the keyboard as much because now that I sold my car I can float for a few weeks...a sense of involuntary calmness. Even though my body feels like it's turning into a coral reef. If I sit still for more than 2 minutes (if that) everything locks up. And as I push my way through it things rip. My hip ball (?) is completely loosened from the socket at this point. Probably worn with age and overuse and all it takes is turning the wrong way and it's as if my torso has nothing holding it up on that side. When I saw a 93 year old man getting around just fine a couple of weeks ago I watched him wondering what the hell is wrong with me 42 yrs youger. And it just gets worse evry day. Sometimes I think some of the women in Titusville poisoned me, because this weird crusty psoriatic rash started there. I still revisit this theory...But, although my skin had been pocky and more sensitive than usual for years...it cleared up by like 25 fkn years when I was in Hawaii doing yoga. Although I'd been feeling under the weather for years, snapping back into health in 2006-2007 gave me an idea of what's reversible. Or so I thought. 

I stll hav ethe emails I wrote to Bikram and cc'd to Craig Villani and others, pleading that they not play games with my life. I told them whatever is happening to mu body, at my age truly felt cancerous and or at least something not to be taken lightly. This was like 2007-2008...and then the crying just got louder...
I was watching this public service announcement with ridiculous statistics about domestic violence. Because it first ran in spanish it pissed me off and I started blaming the overpopulation of uneducated hotheaded situation resolving idiots for a mess I dont care to contemplate and felt resentful about the ever worsening water quality...but when it was translated into english I was like "Holy Shit. This is it. The holy grail." The statistics with all thei "44% of murders are domestically related". Talking about adults one second, then the same craziness for children...and I thought "that's what soldiers go to war to protect?" The gesture of admitting how full of shit people can be is probably the only hope for peace...and really its past it at this point. By the sheer number of people who have valid reason to resent the US, with a US propaganda machine that only allows an image of the stubborn shallow plastic or obese mindset, always about business American....

I write whatever comes through with the intention of one day coming back to explain what I mean...confusing notes to myself really, designed to be hard to understand so I can edit and obe day present the proper book....and publishing it publicly is either designed to light a fire under me to do so, or to vent on the greatest tool humans have invented yet for finding a kind of peace that allows the innocent to go about their business, while the killers can satisfy their thirst by verbally locking horns....and finding redemption because although sticks and stones can break your bones, sometimes they don't, and the forgiveness is that much more of a feeling of miracle.

Hev you ever been so depressed you can't bother getting yourself some water when your mouth is parched and the sink ic and a clean glass is just feet away?  What I love about Homeland is the way it depicts the lies as the very reason for Carrie's insanity. Lies are little murders and little suicides. The chase scenes mean little to me (although it is all so well done)....but thats all it would have taken for me to have kept my health, and I would have been so wealthy by now if just left alone to go on my way to learn ore and be greater and greater every year at something I was so grateful for, and in love with....I was never so sure of anything in all my 46 six yrs....and these silly adults. Most of them 10 yrs older than me...stood back and allowed the abuse (from the lies) to go one when all they had to do was say "Second hand news isn't my bag..." They made me feel like such an Ogre, so that's why when I see photos of myself Im surprised I look as good and healthy as I do, especially for my age.

I meant to focus on writing about the details of my health so as to communicate to one mother fucking doctor worth the time to help me understand whats happening...I sweat when I pee, my skin is crusty, I have a huge lump on my outer arm that's created a sort of frozen shoulder, with a torso so stiff and dead from the fall Im turning into a tree. This stupid old piece of shit of a man named John something around the corner one day had a fit with his eyes when I said good morning to him while watering flowers next door to him. The previous day he'd been so friendly, helping me stop the super from destroying a bee hive..."What's wrong John?" I begged him to explain, I thought it was Jane related...no clue why he'd soured...But it was Boll's related. "Your suing us! There's nothing wrong with you!" I was so angry. Who does he think he is? Right. Nothing wrong with me you stupid old diaper wearing piece of shit because in your mind you would still do me. Seriously thats how fkn stupid ppl are...I didnt file a lawsuit when I was hurt for months because I didnt want to piss people off...but when I start getting letters in the mail with fines for parking in visitor spots, police at my door at night because of notes they find in my garbage about letters I plane to write (see that by clicking here: http://www.governorpataki.com ) on top of that having to listen to the Bolls plot to kidnap my dog in order to check his tags (that's even on tape motherfuckers) you bet your butt I'll sue your allocating asses. I lost so much time, my body has aged irreversibly. Anyone who knows me knows I used to look at least 10 if not at times 20 years younger...but since I broke my back and hip in the fal Im like the strar trek episode where the old lady ages in fast forward time lapse...fuck you...what a lovely karmically civil way to try to set the record straight. Ive wanted nothing more than to escape from this hell hole since 2006, but while starting my yoga "career" in White Plains the neighbors were keeping me from sleeping at night, ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TELkIeVy8GA ) I would at times be in tears at work from their abuse (Robin Bolls gave a note to the woman trying to break my door down, thats I'd written privately to her and ised the term "welfare mothers" u can hear her talking about it...this is a board member's wife!!!! INSTIGATING violence...TRYING to get these hot headed women to beat me up....then she takes community officer at out annula residents meeting aside to tell him I "call her fat" Im SO not exaggerating ...lies lies lies!!! All fpr what? because I am devoted to getting out of this place? because I am the best neighbor anyone could wish for? She's an elementary school teacher bullshit the SHIT out of me...and even 5 yrs later when she sees a note that says "Dear Studnets of Christ the King" as a reminder to myself to write an essay about this very incident...here I am STILL writing about it....police? At my door?..... Because they think they'll get away with their mental swatting games....

I just got a call from a friend who's gonna give me a break on a massage..try to break up some of the crusty I hope. Her colleague massages Bill Clinton....How small is the world? How lucky have I been? 

Oh wait. Before I forget....for the public record....notes to the author who will write my story if I dont make it or get to see it happen...I was a little shining star at first at Yoga Spa in Elmsford. Loosing 54 pounds stunned everyone silly and they were so happy for me, I was so happy back...all was good...but then Jane Kartsch started calling down there. I answered the phone the forst time, on the day I went from "work study" to paid staff...think about it? With all that shit I had going on at home? Im living on maybe $250 a week and Jane (another "art" school teacher in the bronx, supported by her contractor husband) goes out of her way to bad mouth me why? That was when attitude towards me down there started to change. The summer was touch and go-but I felt secure in the good that was going on. It was when I showed interest in going to Bikram training in Sept 2006 that Jackie turned on me...by thanks giving I was out..nothing had really happened other than Jaquie needing to show her ball sac.....I realize now however that after no contact with Jane since June 2006...thats why she seemed so cold and current...she was poisoning them against me...not sure how...but this is what happened....and for writing about it...not 3 weeks ago she still tries to send police to handcuff me for whatever she can try to spin....I was so happy....10 yrs ago I registered all those bully domain names because I thought the word served to minimize the tediousness of a more complicated problem, with a dash of tongue in cheek, simplifying with a visual of a schoolyard bully in concept...but now that that has been ripped away from me by Ellen and Anderson (who bully with their tv cameras, the media like they're fkn all knowing gods) gotta come up with new words..

Domestic Violence should be defined to include friends on friends and even the minutia  of their lies....I had SO much to offer.

Oh ya. Check this out. My childhood friend who I rode with to pick up Pete a couple weeks ago, got pissed at me for asking him how anyone could be so retarded as to western union $15,000 to a Jamacan named Jimmy Carter......he has sort fo carried a torch for me and since I make it very clear I dont feel that way about him etc....check out what this asshoel texted to me. On top of this he knows what I go thru, always having to try to live down my ruined preceding reputation etc...check out these texts....

The choice of words in the creepiest way reveals his desire for us to hav ebeen a couple. But because he cant have that, he wants to spread the hate...friends family...whats the fkn point.. I mean this same dooshbag had a friend of his tell a guy I was really into that I was his gf....I didnt talk to him for over a year, never expected to again....people are so full of shit....its endless....the pointlessness of the hate that negated SO much love I also got to actually live in my life....