A Lie for a Lie. A Truth for a Truth: It's a Public Service to Expose the Bullshit

If I try to think of anything personal, that I ever confided in anyone, friend or family,  and the idea that they would try to hurt me somehow, with anything so humiliating or embarrassing that it would drive me over a bridge, emotionally....But I've either already written about it (confessed it) or it doesn't exist. However I do take pause when I remember its the lies...all the shit intentionally spun in a certain direction, in order to ruin you without any physical wounds to reval the aggresor...the killers...all I know is kilelrs! Either big killers medium or tiny tiny killers...When think about what got me into this in the first place. all the people who make shit up. its infinte...and so there ya go...why my heart os so broken in the first place.

Lie for a Lie. A Truth for a Truth

by RainMan

25(wo?) years ago I ran with the slogan "Proud to Be Retarded"....I was happy with, got to enjoy, and be incredibly strengthened by my role in enough popularity contests in formative years that I was 100% looking for more meaning frankly. Desperate for it...so I sort of turned into Rainman...was even nicknamed that at my job at Agnes B. in Beverly Hills...I mean listen to that? Does that spund lucky? Fake? Point is I could just state a simple FACT about my life and it pisses people off...because it sounds so great maybe? I dont mention that I was riding a bus to work...because I dont mean to even be talking about myself....but people have always hated me really....My best friend Tracy from the 5th grade a few times tried to tell me why she and Rob Soucy and everyone in fact couldnt stand me, but that I had redeemeing quality they couldnt put finger on....ask these poele...i only have joy left in writing about what I know to be true...I ask about that little story because 25 years later shes out right entertained by her family and other indirectly RELATED poeple throwing me oout of coffee houses...and then I still plug away, trying to make a new go, ascape from my haters...fucking Jeanne...did you see the Movie Melancholia? Thats what it feels like today too...anyway that was a year ago....on the day the earth was supposed to end (2?) summers ago? Remember Jeanne? When you made a point of cringing when I went to give u my email to sort a few things out...but there was no point? Cringed. The cruelty...Even my cousin Melanie...oh my god too many stories....I told her things were so bad in 1994 that I was using a bucket for a toilet (shed just bought a house in VA so I thought she (my childhood sister) would of course have a bathrobe and a cup of cocoa for me...but she changed ehr telephone number(!) Was this the work of CR? I mean NOTHING made sense...But I held on....then years later with yoga they still beat me up....an dI write, and I write...just to ask why...they ALL hang up on me if I try to reach out...thats why I need like a Brad and Angelina Pitt intervention, in other words where poeple who would just stun my haters into stupification enough to listen....and see the error o ftheir ways lol....but its not gonna happen while IM alove...Ive only ever been asking why...and for that have had the shot beaten out of me...here comes another hot flash....my body os so sick it ages like 100 yrs every day it feels likeand I do take some solace in venting all of this....how it didnt have to be this way....and friendship is more important than healthcare-even for something as serious as cancer....but almost no one was ever worthy enough to be called firned....noyt by me as much as even those they play the game with...you can all have each other...full of shit hateful, earth killing hypocrites.

Anwaywhat amazed me was the way so many people who in fact were borderline retarded turned me into target practice for making myself vulnerable. This fascinated me so much that I would even genuinely laugh at first. Without any enjoyment however, I just refused to recognize my disappointment perhaps...such an incredibly lonely feeling....childhood friends, all you have for the important memories (everything) different degrees of liars. Neurotic, networking hypocrites and such a surprise with liars...even Kathy turned out to be a liar...omg she hated me so much because I tried to point out how Fashion and Charity events were self serving (like Kathy Whittemore at Radcliffe with Daniel Okrent...people who dont really go to harvard but they pay a sickly shitload of money to mingle over the summer...thats where you get your writer for the Times, or Th eBoston Globe etc....I mean it makes sense and isnt all that eveil in a way...but when I think of they cruel way these "friend" dissassocaite without explanation....and then it does become worse because I got scared and...I mean literally ONE time in the city in Wonter no less where I literakly had no where to stay, I called Nancy Huddlestion with my LAST QUARTER, she picked up when I called collect, but then to be polite(!) (See this ws how thoughtful I was) I hung up to call back and use my only quarter...and that time she didnt pick up! Even when I said "Omg Nancy Im really in a bind"....  No not a crack head. Just some fucktard named Al Smith who worked at Atlantic Records who wasnt gonna get laid, fought with him and there were no trains back up to Westchester that late.....Thast another thing how people's minds go so dirty so quickly...

I was giving my dog a bath in the tub last nite and to trick him to get in himself I put peanut butter on the wall up high enough her has to get in all the way etc....walls are so oh Ill tell this story another time....the wind feels like it could be the last day on earth....and I want to just say to God how thankful I am, with all of my vivid memories of so many incredible days most of which were spent in bliss and joy inside....just a shame that poepel have to be so full of shit......

The little songstress "Selena Gomez"  was giving an interview on one of those ET type shows and as if he were the queen of England explained to interviewer that she needs to keep her "private lief private" as if she learned that makes her sound more legitamately a "star" because thats what the stras all sat etc....it was so revolting...I wondered what the hell woudl she have to say anyone would want to know? Besides being like 14 yrs old with perverse sums of money....I realzed in that moment shes obviously a front for some cocainelaundering operation....I realized that Id never heard any of her music so went to google it (got a mayo stain on my phone typical of what she represnets) and I listened to 2-3 shit songs...then went for something more obscure....when you google her name its all pictures of her no art....but I found a song called "Outlaw" and at first thought "Oh. Ok she has some substance...this is probably a song about ICE an dimmigartion an dthe sad reality of poverty and so on....omg...what a shallow piece of shit this silly little Texan is....and yet she takes up air time where once Neil Yong stood...its no accidnet....they fit into Mr Brady's suit.....had no idea how right Marx was about Alienation....

Notice how the conversation started? A simple but direct question to a dumb fkn asshole...this is the same story with everyone i know...because its so dumb here, its less emotional -easier to use this as the ultimate example/way to describe what ppl do to me rather thsan Jane and t Donna an d Jeanne and the rest.

Omg! And no shit! This little pip squeak of an asshole "friend" of mine from childhood in Croton actually called people up and told them something (not sure exactly) so that even the band of guys I played music with with Pete a few weeks ago arent emailing me anymore...I was learning a new song...so happy for a day...and then when I called him on being late to pick up Pete Seeger because he's being roped into some "Jamacain Lottery" scheme thats bled him dry...he decided to take it out on me....because I always act so revolted when he even remotely souds romantic towards me...one of those...thats sad maybe in itself....why not be kind....but can you imagine? calling up Pete Seeger's people now and saying things?   They make movies about this kind of psychotic bullying..... This guy even knows about all the horrible police report things that happened to me and yet he would still add to it in some last reort attempt way of controlling something he cant control.... people are so fucked up and its such a shame. It could all be so good....all of the time...I really have to devote more to making the point with this example....its SO clear whats going on in the texts...sums it up better than I could-look at what the fuck people put me through!? WHy!? Worm of a little hunchback of Notre Dame wants to HURT me! Because I asked what kind of Moron gives a guy calling hmself "Jimmy Carter" in Montego Bay Jamaica $15,000!!!!! Because they told him he won the lottery! Can you imagine? And then I tried to point out how much welath he has around him, to hop in a car and go pick up this super hero icon of a man Seeger....he was like an hour late because he's on the phone with all these people in Jamaica...But Im the one who needs tobe hurt and gossiped about? Wo. See why I just want to give up? Really?
DearOprah.ORG