Here's How the New Health Care Will Work Motherfuckers

People will start recognizing how full of shit we all are. Doctors and patients alike. Labs pharmy operations....and from there people will start being more honest about the role of money in our lives. Even if only trying to be more honest about it, that alone is the difference and cancer will start being cured. Not small feat. Because people are so full of shit and they cling to thei rlies and secrets more then they do their health....medicine today's issues today are more philosophical than anything else. Nothing will fix the inclination for business and human nature for that matter to be full of shit, making those dollars while appearing to be the greatest person in the world via the most sophisticated acting abilities....it all could change if people spend 5 more mins everyday looking in the mirror. Check out the racist art work at my local clinic. Shades of color excluding whitey? How the hell else would I interpret this? Am I really supposed ot keep romanticizing 1000s more births every week of hispanic immigrants (legal or not)? Why? Because it used to be politically correct to pretend that the conversation is as empty between human beings as possible? "Aw But theyre so cute and helpful"? Really? Poor people fuck and procreate like rabbits because...thats what uneducated people do! SO of course you can only afford to rent an apt with 10 other people sleeping on top of each other its bound to happen more often than anyone really wants...IM not saying dont help...but STOP pretending its ok. "Aw look how cute your baby is?" BULLSHIT! Fuck you and fuck your baby....then of course do our best to help the baby..no choice there...but why romanticize it? Am I bitter? Really? Because I would have been 1000 times better parent if things fell into place for me in that dept....but instead I watch my world sold out from under itself by STUPID GREEDY WHITE PEOPLE..."ya the trick is to just go manufacture it in China" said Glen Yank aka "Zak" my one time boss turned rapist in 1991...the contradiction, the hypocrisy its all in need of health care...I sound like a xenophobe to the New York Times reproter because they watch it (Like Brabara Erenreich (sp?) from their ivy league salaries....having no first hand expereicne with poverty...and the ones I grew up with? Not one iota of interest in my experience...thats why Im so bitter now...sounding ublier and bitchier than I mean to....
The safety net system wasnt designed to include the entire frickin world...until it became an enterprise...not unlike prisons. In the 70s my parent's church opened a small clinic in theyre basement and now its a multi million dollar operation....like a frankenstein they wouldnt give the time of day to their founders unless they demanded it and even then it would be ceremonial....its a mess...because not only because THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE, there are TOO MANY PEOPLE WHO ONLY PRETEND TO CARE.

I'm dying and there is not a human being on the planet who really gives a shit. Certainly doesnt give a shit enough to lift a finger to reverse my mystery disease (only mystery because my access to the bullshit clinics which are little more than birthing centers for the worlds woman...with few acceptions. My bones have started breaking from simply turning the wrong way at this point, Im over 200 pounds, a giant lump in my left arm that feels like the muscles rip apart if I move it too far or quickly, I can barely walk in the morning form being so stagnant for so long. Now without a car Im even more stagnant, depressed...everything seems pretty pointless. I have sores all over my body that arent going away....what can an underfunded clinic doctor or lab tell me? Well funded for that matter? Nothing. When I called to see if I was eligibe for medicaid since other than maybe 2-3 weeks Ive not worked in the past year at all....the recording was in English first, than Spanish of course but then it went on to ask in at least 4-5 more languages! Chinese (I think) maybe Vietnamese too,  and went on and on until culminating in asking the same question in Russian....no xenophobia here...just a practical observation that "more money" for low income health care acts more like wall street (all about numbers I mean) than actual CARE.....

Btw? Brain cancer VACCINE? Seriously? These poeple would take money just like in the movie The Constant Gardner because money in medicine is the rule...thats what has to change...whats hard about that, impossible really, is people would have to admit how little we can all stand each other's bullshit...omg the fighting that would take place....but its either go thru that or burn out in a big way. I have to re write this....brb

Seriously? Who's "health care dollars"? wtf

Risking and Saving My Life at the Same Time

I bought this seemingly phenomenal coconut oil from Nancy at the co op in 2007 (please get more). Originally meant for a raw date nut crusted chocolate avocado mousse pie (most delicious thing on the planet thanks renee), When I figured it must be old (never went rancid in the least ...still smelled fresh and delicious) I started using it with showers to combat the high chlorine content water...anyway

As Im drawing a lavender eucalyptus epsom bath Im smothering my skin with the coconut oil turning it into an even deeper inner cleansing by massage...but without any rubbermaid rug or bath mat Im fully aware of how easily I could break my neck, or do serious joint damage via one wrong move. As I was laying there taking it in for a few minutes, massaging under the hot water on the oily skin with a little swedish circular motion and then cupping top of my legs while rolling back and forth to my ankles slowly, gently with fingertips feeling out how far I can go...wonderful....but then a hotflash started, coupled with the heat felt dizzy and unable to breath fully. All I had to do was reach over to the door knob and open door to let in any breeze I could manage to. As I started to turn on my side I even felt like a 6 year old for a moment, trapped inside the bodt of a whale that barely fits in the tub anymore...but the oil allowed me to slide into position as long as my strength held up and I didnt slip in the least..It was like ice skaiting without ice skates...but even more slippery.

10 years ago I remember meaning to pick up a rubbermaid rug...never have because I cant afford one just like I cant afford to buy medicine for my skin problem...probably wont work anyway so whatever...

Kelly Preston and Experiment 907

Experiment 907: Listen to my phonecall with Jack last year, then for the screams of Jane Kartsch and Donna Trantham burning in hell:

iwas watching CBS's The Doctors TV show yesterday morning and listened to Kelly Preston talk about giving birth to a beautiful little boy completely natural easy conception and childbirth at the age of 48.  This confirmed for me that it was possible that could have been me too. My eriod was like clockwork my whole life, and I was healthier than I was in my 20s after 2.5 months working out in Honolulu...The plan was to get super healthy during training, then spend next 6 months to a year making money, and if all went well perhaps a nest...But instead I had to deal with one rumor after another, constantly defend or prove myself to hypocrits and troublemakers-I had to have bullshit threats made on my ability to make enough money to pay my electric bill (at the age of 46 yrs old) because of Karstch..who's venom even travelled 1000 miles away as I tried to try to escape from the damage done...Try and tell me Jane Kartsch didnt rob me of a last chance at having a child? And what is the normal behavior in reaction to some asshole of a lifetime stealing EVERYTHING away from me for no actual reason other than growing up a fat insecure kunt who bullies vulnerable people as an adult to compensate?

Dear Jane Kuntsch: Tell me specifically what I ever did to you that would file a false police report, and then cal Bikram while I was in Hawaii to tell him you had to call police on me? Explain that to me and I will never write a word about your blubbery soul ever again...what makes me go mad is the pointlessness of your destruction....

Nicole Westbrook Karstch in a Bikram Choudhury World

How does a 12 yr old like Nicole Westbrook invade airwaves even if only for a few minutes? Its not youtube....it's counterfet connections. Theirs nothing cute or harmless about it. Access Holywood(?), MTV (Run by Pentagon) Anderson Cooper (old $)....Rich parents like Rebecca Black's who invested like half a mill to make the hilarawful "It's Friday"? Patrice Wilson? Who the fk is Patrice Wilson? Probably a childhood friend of Jane Kartsch's.

Notice Jane isnt really fat but because she looks like she thinks she is she's brewing her chronic misery inside.

I called Bikram's cell a couple of days ago and politely asked  for at least my mom's initial $6000 to be refuned. Larju answered politely put him on, when he heard my voice he hung up. Then I called back bitched in his ear...heard him talking as if he'd just put the phone down while cooking or something...Rajashree's voice entered the room...in Hindi I made out the words "call the police'....

This was recorded a year before Justify My Love...not as talented as Westbrook or the rest of CIA talent pool but ... Happy Thanksgiving.

When Body Language Reveal ALL

More on this. In mast head is me at teh age of about 17 years old...below is Jan eat the same age...I feel like I can see a side of her, stunted etc..bitter...jealous even in her old age..that sounds catty I know..too bizzy to explain or care right now but will get into it later

Im pretty sure thats Jane sitting by the pool in 1971...cant remember details...But this is the kind of kid who is jealous and "competes" in the ugliest ways...Bikram loves money no matter who it comes from..sadly...and he doesnt have as much time to get the story straight for AMERICANS who dont have money.  For now..I want people to be able to get a taste at least of what a pretty competant teacher I was while Jan ewas trying to stop me from teaching anywhere in th etri state area..and followed me all the way to FL even Clcik on pic below (of Bikram teasing me about how dirty my feet are at training in 07..) to hear a taste of what I was like a few months after my training as a Bikram Teacher...a little too fast with spotty dialogue...but my heart was there...if only theyd left me alone. Its hard ti hear but sadly all I ever recorded of myself...no one even took many pics of me at training..I took tons of others...

Changing Ground

Changing Ground

I have stood on the changing ground I have walked like a man in chains
 I tried hard to do my best but  I did not make my way
Well trouble was on my tail and he followed me like a hound
Till I moved a one step onto gloy
and off a that changing ground
Changing Ground, Changing Ground, Changing Ground
I have moved the one step onto glory and off of that changing ground

How Do You Spell Emotional Stability?

This photograph should be in a Levi's ad actually...

George Bush Accidentally Votes For Obama

http://dailycurrant.com/2012/11/06/george-bush-accidently-votes-obama/

Nov. 06, 2012

Former U.S. president George W. Bush accidentally voted for Barack Obama today at a polling place near his Crawford, TX home.
According to local reports, the two-term Republican was confused by the instructions on his electronic voting machine and mistakenly cast a ballot he intended to discard.
Witnesses say Bush argued with poll workers for several minutes afterwards in a effort to redo his vote, but in accordance with state law they ultimately denied his request.
The embarrassing incident may have gone unnoticed if it weren't for a local newspaper reporter who happened to be voting in the next booth. Suzanna Everett, a politics correspondent for the Waco Times witnessed the entire ordeal and crafted a cunning scheme to make it public.
Left On Red

Barred by ethics rules from using knowledge gained within a polling station, Everett waited for Bush to leave the facility and ambushed him with a trick question designed to fool him into revealing the news himself:
"Mr. President Fox News is reporting that you've accidentally voted for Barack Obama. Would you care to comment?"
Thinking that his mistake had already been found out, Bush sought to minimize the damage:
"Yes unfortunately because of the incompetence of the folks who designed the ballot, my vote counted for the other guy," Bush responded. He then attempted to explain exactly how the mishap occurred:
"First of all, everything was very mismaladjusted on the screen. You shouldn't put the senators and the congresspeople and the presidents all jumbled together like that. It's too crowded. Just confuses folks."
Bush then explained that after marking the wrong candidate, he sought to correct his error by clicking the red "Cast Ballot" button, thinking that it was designed to 'cast away' the ballot and bring up a fresh one:
"Usually red means stop and green means go. I thought I was stopping"
A New Legacy
Bush is no stranger to election day controversy, having been pushed into office himself by the Florida fiasco of 2000. In that election hundreds of votes intended for Democratic rival Al Gore went to protest candidate Pat Buchanan instead due to poor ballot design.
In an official statement released shortly after the event, former President Bush said his experiences today have inspired him to make electoral reform the signature cause of his post-presidency:
"Laura and I will be dedicating the next few years to fixing our electoral system. Every American deserves a clear, simple ballot when they go to the polling place."
However, the system Bush used has been deployed successfully around the country with little incident. A spokesperson for the company that manufactures the machines says they stand by their product:
"Until today we have never had a single instance of someone confusing the "cast ballot" button for a "cast away ballot" button. This is a problem unique to Mr. Bush, and we have no plans to change our machines."

Paula Kranz Another GOP Lewinsk

Isn't it obvious that they intended this to blow up before the election? The FBI is certainly able to determine that this "brilliant" woman was intelligent enough to realize ALL email is traceable....Tampa is big time GOP isnt it? Jill Kelley probably a registered republican...an deven if not...some kind of operative...I mean the timing reveals what they wer eup to doesnt it? GOP media still trying to play this into some kind of continued Ben Ghazi screw up/embarrassment...what did I hear Paula KRANZ say in some interview? Or on some podium about having practically first hand info on BG incident? Blurting it out-as if showing ff? Or stirring the problems up for Obama admin... You've seen the Pat Fucking Tillman movie I hope? She was working with these propagandists...all big time war machine stuff is usially Republican isnt it? Oblivious as usual to Eisenhower's famous speech warnings all these decades later...screwing up all the good that could be...chronically.. Paula Kranz Broadwell...is a frkn spy. Not sure for who....But I feel so bad for Patreus....as if this beautiful woman used him...as if its so criminal the poor guy let himself be human....really a shame...she should be exposed or what she really is....or even of sh ewas just looking to sell her book....disgusting...from harvard no less? Or just the afterwards programs where the sleezy networking takes place in "summer school"?

What's SO Amazing About the Internet? Hey Hayden Panettiere Saya Hey

I accidentally got sucked into the sorta silly show Nashville a few weeks ago (because I never ever hear my name on other people I think-over and over again)...but the nice surprise and thing that had me keep coming back was the music...TBone Burnett the legendary producer must be behind it..Ive been a huge fan since Cimino's BRILLIANT MASTERPIECE Heaven's Gate

Its simply the feeling of being listened to that makes all the difference. No matter who it is....This jpeg is dedicated to you DannyF (the cousin who jumps out of planes, almost every 4 days to combat a low visibility issue, who calls me emotionally unstable and delusional for asking him to lend a year yesterday):

I was hospitalized in St Vincents January 1990, skin and bones, vomiting, people looking at me like I was gonna die...never figure out what it was..stress? They didnt use the vague non specific term then...But Id been raped by Glenn Yank of Limelight pewter jewelry fame (Emergency Exit NY) I never told anyone for montsh what happend (Lilyan Sievernich of Academy Award winning Paris Texas fame) was my neighbor across hall and first one to dig it out of me...too embarrassed to tell, as Id taken the pill he gave me voluntarily etc...even imagined myself getting in trouble...didnt even tell my mom for another 2 yrs or so...and when I did they accused me of looking for attention etc...and as a matter of fact to this day (23+ yrs later) have never spoken a word to me about it...and for bringing it up like this? Because NO ONE would talk to me about it..IM the unstable asshole? Im old an ddead anyway-past embarrassing myself...Im not name dropping when I mention Lilyan! Im STATING A FACT OF WITNESS!!!!MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!!!! ad mentioninh "Zac" aka Glen Yank? Oh ya I have nothing better to do then piss off some hard core east village biker dude....he was a moron..but worse than him...my own family the way they shut down and punish me-nno shit-by disinviting me EVERY YEAR just about for holiday gatherings I shit no one not.

As a matter of fact...I remember once calling an 800 rape victim number from a catskill phone where I was living at the time...the woman was reading a frkn script you could tell was half listening...I ened up arguing with her...and she hung up on me...wish I had that on tape....ya it must be me....

Ban Oil Company Propaganda Just Like Cigarette Ads on TV

WHo are the photgraphers that sell their work to "Energy for Tomorrow Dot Org" TV spots? Oh! Of course. Getty Images....I just discovered Brooke Alexaner, the star of these seemingly weekly spots put out by the Petroleum SOmething or other....Seriously? Even is she's a mom with a family? What do you think? She's a great lay?

Wht the fuck are the syupidest shallow sell out whores of the human race the ones in "power"? Money. No matter its counterfeit....maybe its the order that money creates that people find solice in-and that would be forgiveable...

But plastic is ok to inhale? Petroleum necessary for multiple billions of exponentially off the charts population growth..of people who still procreate with the same reverence they have for when they urinate. What amazes me is that even tho my bitterly pointing this out doesnt seem to do any good? What amazes me is the way people often times react by wanting to make sure Im somehow silenced...and every time  I start to get a leg up again...someone comes along to shut me up...ask my family how they reacted when I told them I was raped. Like a year or even 2 years AFTER the fact...the "step father" of coures assumed it was a plea for attention...and so as a taxi came to pick me up, he yelled "Oh look If youre lucky Maybe the Taxi driver will give you youre wish! Oh look! An dhe's black!"

That was my family's way of being there...and for the next 20 years my brother wouldn't speak to me because he heard that I'd hit my mom (that was the closest thing to an explanation of the monklike silence from my mother-the one youd think would know...now she just gets angry when I bring it up...my mother, a woman who gave me life and has saved my life over the past decade+....but emotionally....its not there with my family. My mom told me last year that if I pronised not to complain about being alone for the holidays she would buy me a computer - I guess to occupy my mind. Actually I accepted! So what does that make me? I dont know...I know sh edid it out if love. Believing maybe I could make money with it somehow as I used to making websites...but I gave that al up for yoga...and she supported me in that...My mom has gven more than probably most mothers give from what Ive seen in my life...so ya its not an easy subject to approach...I may bail for a while...but again its not my wish to get get into such personal stuff...but how else to fix it?

I saw this movie on TV with the twilight actress...I dont even know her name and Im proud of that fact..u hear it so much...Kritin Thorne? The chick who marries Rob Patteson(sp?) It was a pretty good movie about a girl raped in school and keeps it to herslef. (2004 I think)...so much of that IS my life...not because of the rape...worse...because of the ostracization and alienation...Ive always knwon its mostly about money...no one likes being the one to pay all the time...and in my entire adult life Ive never been ALLOWED to make more than $20,000 yrs if that (I once made that much!) its only been because my family has always thrown me a bone thatIve stayed somewhat affloat. And why the tension from after all these years of living on a safety net just went chronic when Jane ruined my yoga instructor career (deliberately and malicously without cause)...at my age? 46 years old at the time-I still had SO much youth. My skin was great I felt better than when I was in my 20s after Bikram Training. But instead of running with that....it was like Jenga....I dont think at first she knew how badly she was hurting me...but as I cried out...it only became worse and worse, mor evulgar oevr the years...because she would never admit she crossed the line...mayeb she didnt knwo how much was at stake for me, that I would miss out on time with aging relative, 3 of whom have passed since...friends...so much life I missed out on because of her decsion to , noy just stick her nose into my life, but take the leap to tell Bikram HQ that I was " a dangerous person". Poeple would have to make even more stories up if they wanted to name one "victim" of my "danger" bcause other than taking my story to the internet and que sera if I name someone who crossed the line...Ive NEVER hurt anyone ever. Its al just too sad. I used to be louder because I so badly didnt want to loose another second-I knew that just a little financial support would fix everything...but it never came...I just wanted that tiny bit of understanding and sympathy to the point it would keep someone like Jane from continuing to hammer me down...but now its really over...I see my grandma in the bathroom mirror! My skin looks all crsuty with sores on it...my back is broken..sitting hurts...constant pain wrinkles you up....my knee is coming apart. My hip comes off the socket...Im so dead. I have no health insurance and medicaid is just expensive free clinic that would tell you the xrays are blurry so theyre not required to follow thru with any expensive sureries etc...Obama should bring me on board to jump start Medicaid actually...maybe Ill have a little bit of life left...but the hot flasshes have started....its awful....a taste of death...imagine going on  a date with a guy you like, first meeting and your suddenly all wet with sweat...I laugh when people would try to tell me "SO you'll do it again! You'll get back into shape!" As if I  am the lazy coward giving up....if she hadnt interfered theres a good chance I would be so fkn alive and doing really well financially if nut a millionaire...I hate to admit it but it would be SO much fun to be rich in my family...they are fun poeple most of hem...I miss them...but knowing how littl ethey really care about me? I dont know...I always thought I wanted to know the truth and not get it mixed uop with the illusion moiney causes....ya I still choose that...last year I was so sad and lonely I drove by my family's xmas gathering at my brothers house...I didnt even get out of the car...Brother happened to come ou with dogs that minute-yelled that if I didnt leave he would call the police! Can you imagien? ah! Kristen Stewart! Thats her name. It was a really pertinent movie. I drove away...and talking about it with a young cousin yesterday, my intention to feel like I wont again be left out this year...he ended up telling me that he thinks my brother did that because I was "creeping". Imagine? Thats how my own family sees me-when Im in the middle of road barely stopping for a minute looking through the living room wndown wondering who's there, what the turkey tasted like etc For a second I did think about ringing the bell...but really didnt know what to expect-certainly not the police threat....I used to be embarrassed...now Im just dead anyway...and wish one person would say "Wow? Seriously?"

The Family Hate and the Midget

If anyone, anyone at all, is actually getting this? I have to iterate that with all my talking about Jane Kartsch, Im not oblivious to even deeper underlying problems in my life that have contributed to the mess...my own family, Jeanne Cawley, Jane Beller, Lilyan Sievernich,...the list is longer, but my point has never been to name names...Ive only ever meant to BEG people to grow a conscious-those who I know for a fact, like Dexter, are guilty of undermining. I don't mean the same to be expected gossip that will always go on when someone screws up....I mean to hide their secrets, or even steal mutually owned art (on a grand theft scale) deliberately and maliciously put a determination to if not obliterate my character at least make it questionable...so no one would have to know a newly married husband's indiscretion, actually Jane Beller shouldnt be on the malicious list...she's just always been a shallow poodle...the butter knife that perpetuates someone like Jeanne's gossip...anyway Im off track.

I resorted to blogging in 1998, creating my own html because I was trapped in the catskills because my family bascally shipped me off to green mountain Siberia....I lived on 130 acres by myself for a month....I thought I was alone...in retrospect I probably had all kinds of hunters bernoculing me....When I see photos I look like a fairy....a tomboy fairy...escaping from having been raped in 1990, beaten up by a black female cop in NYC for not paying $1.25 in 1993 (Deborah Moore? You and me on Oprah? What do you say? I'll be ther ewith this story? Get your lawyers ready)....

Those awful friends I first mentioned really dont come close to the hatred certain people in my own family have shown me..Ive always hesitated to get into that subject for obvious reasons...my family...when Im angry I want to call it a non existent family-but even though one of my cousins ex-wives refused ot let me spend ONE night when I was virtually homeless the night before I went to Catskill Heaven...I did go to Catskill heaven....and heaven it was....without a dime to my name or any money I was surrounded by some much beauty, so much wealth really...the same guy who built the ugly little bungalows built the State Theatre in Lincoln Center? These were relatives removed?) thru marraige anyway...obviously I was loved somewhat. No one ever meant to hurt me....I think even when the architect made a sexual advance at me-he was just playing, testing me...but maybe not? The thing is...sexually flirying or messing around is all fine when everyone's fine....But it took me a long time to realize men create prostitution because its a turn on for them to play daddy...all of them...

Just for saying that now I sound like I was ever a prostitute....as if any single woman with financial problems resorts to the inevitable spreading of the legs...In my experience Ive found most do...it is a world of fucking whores with marriage licenses too often...and thats why so many horrendous people who thought they wanted to marry THAT person, becase THAT life appealed to their imaginations...over and over again...

brb

 

Just

CRAIGSLIST JOE AND FLINT AND ZACK OF COURSE

I should start by saying it gave me such a shot of my own natural prozac-I realize why complaining, no matter how justified, is obnoxious, toxic, obnoxic....However....I don't know how to communicate that it's not my choice when I embrace the ugly Im delt.

I wanted to immediately contact him and see if maybe he could handle my only complaint. That being the fact that people are on their best behavior usually when theyre invited to be on camera...so how accurate is your show joe? Mr Garner surely had some ugly moments? Maybe half of it? WHy do people feel so quick to defend a monster when theyre exorcism is caught on camera in other words?

*Help me raise money to edit my 20 years in the making documentary film, including editing down so many of the long conversations Ive had over the years, with for example, this one, the likes of Jack Kartsch talking about "dossiers" on my life at Bikram Yoga headquarters in LA  If there are any sympathetic people out there enough to actually make a small gesture? Please buy an a propos recording Ive made available on iTunes. Thanks..See you Jane at the Oscars. See me I should say, or even just my memory if I dodnt physically survive your toxic wrath. 

I wanted to show joe, how I started doing exactly what he did (but congratulations seriously!) starting in 1993. For a solid almost 10 years I didn't leave home without the handicam I purchased (instead of a much needed $500 car at one point)...Because of now NYPD Sargaent Deborah Moore, who graduated apparently from some mail order type university with a specialty in domestic violence intervention (ironic?)...anyway...this piece of shit human beings bashed my skull in one evening when I entered the subway without a $1.25. She did this in front of her partner Brian Wohl who now works in NC....at a time way before anyone imagine this.....the internet. Really I have to worry about thin blue line revege more than Ive already endured? No one wants to hear my story joe because the sophisticated propaganda we put out to spin media attention is but that....sugar for diabetics. I was hysterical after a certain point...becaue I started to realize I would never have that chance of having a family, a baby...even meet someone in a relationship that was more than just convenience (as 90% of all "marraiages" are) but the point is...I realized how instantaneously people, who Id always believed were my great friends, even family....it was like a mass exorcism as soon as I denounced money....I know this beloved freedom....and could never understand why with NOTHING, those closest to me would try to tak eeven that small peace/piece away from me...because they had to be right....and thats why I embrace the relief of admitting when Im wrong. 

A few minutes ago I heard my prostitute killer neighbor rustling quietly, saw his car was outside and thought about how quiet I try to be so he thinks Im not here...desperately trying to create any kind of space. Thats where the term "spaced out" comes from...when we're driven so deeply into our selves to create the essential buffer, source of all sane balance.....I try. I wonder for a second. "Shit!" He heard the TV?" Im thinking. "He's been out working a lot, driving a taxi into war zones down there after Sandy I bet. If he keeps seeing me hear so much. Warm and at home, he's gonna quit his job again..." I swear this is what's going thru my head...and then as I walk out past front door a few minutes later, sure enough, I hear him yelling thru the wall "EVERYBODY CRYING OH I CANT GET A JOB THIS I CANT GET A JOB THAT!" he's going on to some woman on other end (I can make that out but not words) named Janine (?) who talks about someone sh eknows who was Ray O's girlfriend (keep in mind if he were talking to a guy the word girlfriend would be so totally left out) He goes on to add  "I HAVE FOUR FELONIES BUT I CAN ALWAYS GET A JOB! RAY O DON'T KEEP ME AFFLOAT I KEEP ME AFFLOAT! WELL YOU CAN TELL ERIC HE CAN GO KISS MY ASS." His landlord wishes me dead and is completely capable of purposely putting this guy mere sheet rock away from me? Wishes me dead for what you ask? For not wanting to rip down my morning glories so he could paint the outside of my patio. That was in May of 2001 and he proceeded to make my life living hell up nntil about a year or so ago when he retred. I believe he put this guy here hoping we would fight. It took a year for that to happen. When I had a flat tire and asked him if he could move his car so I could have it fixed....that was when he chose to pick a fight, and make a scene a la the other felon down stairs who sells guns when he's not putting them on his baby (momma sceaming on my iphone...made it up ya think? fymfs) I get pulled deeper and deeper into their shit why? Because I made that same choice Joe did "To see what would happen if we oprate without money." Correction "As we attempt to do the virtually impossible." Sure their are great hopeful moments capture also...but why leave out the chnace to observe the mirror and actually cure cancer through confession rather than continue to import toxic pink refriderator magnets that cause breats cancer ironically? Because MONEY DICTATES so intrisically even the best of us is immersed in the honey...thats how they get their licenses to kill....characters if not actually murder people...I still believe this guy either killed or physically pummelled shit out of his last gf. He's had at least 20, possibly dbl that different prostitutes in and out his door since mid summer...and since Im afraid of him, I tend to pay more attention than I ever did...look at me BEGGING? For all these years...I know at this point I seem to have turned into a clown....but thats a judgment that would require me to care about the opinions of people who can spend days talking about Taylor Lautner's abs? ALl of this is by design! Its by design that at my age, even with help staying afloat from family, I have barely left my house all year, and now without a car for 2 months, my health is deteriorating...just in the same way that guy from ...omg IM alwasy talking about jails and beatings and killings...because I havent done any of thsoe things but Ive been exiled here ALL because I waste a coffeehouse barista's time tryin gto save .50 on ice in the cup. Seriously. These "hipster" punks are as hip as second graders when theyr most tired...THAT's our future? We're fucked more than we're already fucked.

This neighbor up the street yelled at me while walking her poodle and I walking my dog "You not supposed to be up here!" I had no idea what that mean...and the next day while walking by closer to me, another woman bit my head off for saying it wasn't wise to wish for another warm winter this year. I'd never spoken to her ever....When I asked her if she believed in global warming she looked like she wanted to pounce on me...black people are so insecure sometimes its ridiculous. Its not possible for people to extract their ego when trying to talk about science? I think it got her when I said "Ive lived here 50 years and there has NEVER been a snow storm like that in October before the leaves were off the trees." She insisted there had been a few "Maybe not wher eyou were (in Westchester)...anyway the point is she WAS a hateful fkn idiot...but I still wast emy time...wondering....how I can possibly be so hated? I have NOTHING! Im lucky I have the basics and I try to peek out my butt as often as I can without any income..call it paranpid if that helps you feel better about your pathetically compromised life...but Im in a virtual prison....It sonly a matter of time before the "apparent heart attack" or accident occurs...

I found this teenage looking woolie bear this morning walking the dog. Unless someone dropped it from a bag of snake food? It was living just inches away from melting ice and snow...more evidence of natural cycles being out of wack...my own include Jane. Im offically menopausal...which makes me think I could have surprised everyone after training and actually ahd a baby (if only someone worthy were around to do it with) anyway, what was I rambling on about? Oh ya I get beat up... for caring about a moth EVEN WHEN I HAVE ALMOST ZERO CASHFLOW I find the time-but IM weird? Why do poeple act jealous if Im so weird? ...I get beat up...for nothing.... Dear Craigslist Joe-Collaborate with me on  a doc about yoga instructors who actually get killed off in one way or another-for the most shallow of reaons..,good energy thrown away...for what...tahst what I want to epxlore. Its not my intention to embarrass....I purposely write sloppy to make people loose interest as I work out my own shit in this hypo efficient way...Kevin Flint cinematographer? Flint? Like Lighter? Really? Is this organically coming together? Or mad made? I love the names of Dexter's exec producers etc "Joe Manicotti" and there's another funny sounding has ot be made up one...what were we talking about?

If craigslist joe were to put Flint's camera on this woman...she would let him spend nite give  him all that love he found on the road...and when they said goodbye in morning shake his hand and say something "profound" about humanity while looking into the camera...just like guy in beginning of craigslist joe (dont want to say his name for fear it would sound xenophobic) It spurely a matter of too many bored low life people procreating and munching through whats left of natural resources and actual good life...because there is so much love...being channelled in the wrong direction.

The US came that close from putting Paul Ryan in oval office...and Im crazy? What do I want ? What elseTh e essential recognition and apologies...even though way too late for me to ever have anything other than pretend relationships...WITCH I dont even want...

Jane? Picture this: Me, and a table in a restuarant meeting this dime a dozen guy, at the age of 51 having a hot flash? Who needs therapy to figure out the source of real depression? Its malice. Your malice is whats melting the planet into water world....fuck victime of sandy! People LOVE to watch themselves be "do gooders" when the cameras are on...no one could stop a cop from illegally shutting doen ALL I had in the world 2 yrs ago...but they can pull together like cock roaches and rekindle millions of consumers of donuts...because thats what the media turns it into...ok thats a bit harsh...obviously Im sorry for nyone's loss too...but Im so sick of the "We are the world" self promotion mindset...Soldiers hijacked into a created war that destroyed this country they EAT UP they "hero" propaganda...its pathetic....if poeple only attempted to try to stay real and require a tad more truth in relationships...only then is there hope...woops I ended up getting bitter again....oh well....it is what it is.

If there are any sympathetic people out there enough to actually make a small gesture? Please buy an apropos recording Ive made available on iTunes?

This is Why I curse A Lot

SO it's like almost 2am, Im up because I was cooking and cleaning, until I realized how late it was and I started tiptip toeing (that's a degree up from tip toeing) and then tip fingering as I was putting pots and pans in the dishwasher. Let me explain....every step I take creeks (along with the walls being so thin you can hear a neighbor take a dump) and the downstairs neighbor asked me almost 2 years ago now, if I could be aware of how noisily I walked. He proceeded to describe a constant kind of thudding etc...it was kind of awful...but I tried my best to comply. However in doing so, I have taken in so much of HIS stress vicariously. Like a toxicity seeping into my body, making me feel discardable in a kind of hurry up and die sort of tone...It was unforgettable. I didnt hate him for it, and only realized about 6 mos ago how much of his stress I feel thru the walls. Last week I was wshing a few dished, again for got it was a bit late and dropped something...he went NUTS. Started banging what sounded like a wood plank up into the kitchen floor....Thing thing was his car wasnt her, and I really do try to be mindful....but even after I rescued his dog, he complained that now his dog knewshe could play with my dog upstairs and THAT was what drove her rip down his curtains and destroy his apt the next day...he tells me this after I kept his dog for 3, maybe 4 hrs...didnt ask him fro a dime (I asked him to pick me up a starbucks but c'mon)...anywayThere was a scene on Homeland tonight where Mrs Brody asked her brainwashed husband about Carrie and he assure her she was a "nutcase not taken seriously"...that is so not in the least far fetched...Thats what I have had done to me my entir elife...so Im confied to this prison like miserable neighborhood...I would rather freeze to death than be in a position to ever ask Bolls fro anything. I would so always choose to go withoit...and here's why:

I saw a possible murder last week (or 3 now?) and as I go outside to walk dog a little while ago, thetre 's a guy coming oit just as I let dog off the leash holy shit My eyes are closing - I gotta go to bed...but the point wasthis guy who came out for all I know was one of those killers....but IM required by this nigborhod rulebook which says I cant let my dog pee in a giany puddle of leave in front yard of building

When I think aboiut Jne living with what I live with-stretching it out, ALWAYS trying to make the best with ZERO casg flow-practically living on donations-the resntment is off the charts...no matter if I inven

Why Florida Republicans are The Most Full of Shit People on Earth

Reawy? You need ONE man, in an oval office to make "jobs" for 200 million in 4 years after Bush DESTROYED this country for his own oil interests futures and others with him. Notive the name BUSH isnt even mentioned on TV anynore hardly!!! Stupid mother fuckers. If Romeny and GOP steal thsi election the way they did with your BUSH who was key in making it happen...Florida makes me sick. After a gulf spill, after NYC is sinking into th egoddam ocean an dthe morons up here still want to throw money into their phallic Phreedom Tower...u dont SEA yourselves? Shame FUCK YOU PEOPLE OF FLORIDA. Fuck you for what you did to MY country and my life. Allowing a rogue cop to get away with this so some Thai whore of Birkam Choudhury and a German Spy get prime real estate overlooking the fucking launch pad in Titusville? Im crazy lol/ You fkn wish

IN the STATE of FLORIDA it was allowed that a business owner be driven out of her establishment by German, a Thai, a local sleezebag who had a femal cop friend who came to her deli to eat....they illegally DROVE me out onto the street....Moo deosnt speak english everyone! Isnt that funny! Is it a FELONY to lie in a police rpeort Bikram? Im known to be violent is it? Because you think your old school character assasintaion games cant be  blown out into the light where they belong? You piece of shit mother fucker. Ther eprobably are a lot of victims like me who didnt have some help at home-that DID kill themselves...but how would we find all thiose people ALL over the world? Take THAT. and THAT. and THAT. Doctors like Dr Cynthia Bryant, who called me a "genius" at some point (before Donna told her I was not and she should throw me out on the street) or Dr Anita Spitz, my same age confident...so good to me...helped me out on so many ways....and yet stands by and does nothing? Because my life isnt INSURED? Fuck you Kassaks. The only democrats in Titusville back stab me the other one? Yoga my ass. Bishnu Gosh day? They guy shows us filmmed footage of the man picking up a heavy wooden table with his teeth! and points out how his teeth are breaking out of his mouth!!!! I shot you not! This shows strength? Really? You fucking bullies.

Golden Gloves? Observe the VIDEO of the shakedown and show me where I was "uncooperative"? Whats that? Didnt think Id be FAST enoug  to pull out a camera (thank you Apple Computers). www.callthepolice.org Moo doesnt speak english very well? Lie number 10.....Statue of limitations not up for another year...so I'll get national recognition...dont give a shit if I seem nuts IM not trying to make friends...I have right on my side.

SOS...anyone want me to publich the titusville police report...? Ive learned the hard way that people LIKE to misread and only have so much attention span for other's issues...but if I know ONE other prson is paying attention? Ill put it up here.

DEAR BIKRAM CHOUDHURY YOU FKN ASSHOLE

You stupid mother fucker? Did you ever see this text? Not 3 weeks before they resort to stealing out from under me everything, but making sure I dont work ever again? You pieces of shit...and I have to listen to people on streets and TV talk about "job creation"... Did Kyoko take "care" of everything?

...because she hates me WHY? because you're all a bunch of hateful hypocritical kilers...you want women to look good so you can fuck them....u dont give a SHIT about people's health. IM not intersted in habing sex with your short little egomania? Is that why you dont like me? If not why not say? What can you MAKE UP now? I would LOVE to disprove you yet again and again and again....

Im OCD on ALL communications....come on? What you got?

 

and almost a YEAR later? Donna had a SCREAMING melt down 2 -3 weeks before they figured out a plan to evict me without a dime...one thoing...but DESTROY my rep lol? The police report says "She (me) sent 'MEAN' texts messages to a studnet" I SHIT YOU NOT!!!! EXACT words! Along with "Was unco operative...did you se ethe video of how "uncoperative" I was" That Moo doesnt speak english...that I KNOWN to be a "dabgerous or violent person but is not believed to have weapons on her at this time? !!!!!!! You have some nerve. You will NOT get away with this...Imagine if there was no internet? You might...u old school asshole. Till the death you mfs.

Driver on Friday 11/2/12 5pm Bee Line Bus 699 Your Days are Numbered

Stranded with my dog, in agony, back and hip on fire. This driver pointed his bus right at me, deliberately scaring the hell out of me and Im not sure why. But plan to find out. I WILL get the guy's name and write like a killer with a typewriter on his ass (tried to report it to State Police who gave me a telephone number to call with only a recording on it. Since so much i sgoing on I understand this seems petty...but in light of the man who was killed walking right nearby I heard a few ours later Im going to draw attention to this bullshit like no tomorrow. brb