CRAIGSLIST JOE AND FLINT AND ZACK OF COURSE

I should start by saying it gave me such a shot of my own natural prozac-I realize why complaining, no matter how justified, is obnoxious, toxic, obnoxic....However....I don't know how to communicate that it's not my choice when I embrace the ugly Im delt.

I wanted to immediately contact him and see if maybe he could handle my only complaint. That being the fact that people are on their best behavior usually when theyre invited to be on camera...so how accurate is your show joe? Mr Garner surely had some ugly moments? Maybe half of it? WHy do people feel so quick to defend a monster when theyre exorcism is caught on camera in other words?

*Help me raise money to edit my 20 years in the making documentary film, including editing down so many of the long conversations Ive had over the years, with for example, this one, the likes of Jack Kartsch talking about "dossiers" on my life at Bikram Yoga headquarters in LA  If there are any sympathetic people out there enough to actually make a small gesture? Please buy an a propos recording Ive made available on iTunes. Thanks..See you Jane at the Oscars. See me I should say, or even just my memory if I dodnt physically survive your toxic wrath. 

I wanted to show joe, how I started doing exactly what he did (but congratulations seriously!) starting in 1993. For a solid almost 10 years I didn't leave home without the handicam I purchased (instead of a much needed $500 car at one point)...Because of now NYPD Sargaent Deborah Moore, who graduated apparently from some mail order type university with a specialty in domestic violence intervention (ironic?)...anyway...this piece of shit human beings bashed my skull in one evening when I entered the subway without a $1.25. She did this in front of her partner Brian Wohl who now works in NC....at a time way before anyone imagine this.....the internet. Really I have to worry about thin blue line revege more than Ive already endured? No one wants to hear my story joe because the sophisticated propaganda we put out to spin media attention is but that....sugar for diabetics. I was hysterical after a certain point...becaue I started to realize I would never have that chance of having a family, a baby...even meet someone in a relationship that was more than just convenience (as 90% of all "marraiages" are) but the point is...I realized how instantaneously people, who Id always believed were my great friends, even family....it was like a mass exorcism as soon as I denounced money....I know this beloved freedom....and could never understand why with NOTHING, those closest to me would try to tak eeven that small peace/piece away from me...because they had to be right....and thats why I embrace the relief of admitting when Im wrong. 

A few minutes ago I heard my prostitute killer neighbor rustling quietly, saw his car was outside and thought about how quiet I try to be so he thinks Im not here...desperately trying to create any kind of space. Thats where the term "spaced out" comes from...when we're driven so deeply into our selves to create the essential buffer, source of all sane balance.....I try. I wonder for a second. "Shit!" He heard the TV?" Im thinking. "He's been out working a lot, driving a taxi into war zones down there after Sandy I bet. If he keeps seeing me hear so much. Warm and at home, he's gonna quit his job again..." I swear this is what's going thru my head...and then as I walk out past front door a few minutes later, sure enough, I hear him yelling thru the wall "EVERYBODY CRYING OH I CANT GET A JOB THIS I CANT GET A JOB THAT!" he's going on to some woman on other end (I can make that out but not words) named Janine (?) who talks about someone sh eknows who was Ray O's girlfriend (keep in mind if he were talking to a guy the word girlfriend would be so totally left out) He goes on to add  "I HAVE FOUR FELONIES BUT I CAN ALWAYS GET A JOB! RAY O DON'T KEEP ME AFFLOAT I KEEP ME AFFLOAT! WELL YOU CAN TELL ERIC HE CAN GO KISS MY ASS." His landlord wishes me dead and is completely capable of purposely putting this guy mere sheet rock away from me? Wishes me dead for what you ask? For not wanting to rip down my morning glories so he could paint the outside of my patio. That was in May of 2001 and he proceeded to make my life living hell up nntil about a year or so ago when he retred. I believe he put this guy here hoping we would fight. It took a year for that to happen. When I had a flat tire and asked him if he could move his car so I could have it fixed....that was when he chose to pick a fight, and make a scene a la the other felon down stairs who sells guns when he's not putting them on his baby (momma sceaming on my iphone...made it up ya think? fymfs) I get pulled deeper and deeper into their shit why? Because I made that same choice Joe did "To see what would happen if we oprate without money." Correction "As we attempt to do the virtually impossible." Sure their are great hopeful moments capture also...but why leave out the chnace to observe the mirror and actually cure cancer through confession rather than continue to import toxic pink refriderator magnets that cause breats cancer ironically? Because MONEY DICTATES so intrisically even the best of us is immersed in the honey...thats how they get their licenses to kill....characters if not actually murder people...I still believe this guy either killed or physically pummelled shit out of his last gf. He's had at least 20, possibly dbl that different prostitutes in and out his door since mid summer...and since Im afraid of him, I tend to pay more attention than I ever did...look at me BEGGING? For all these years...I know at this point I seem to have turned into a clown....but thats a judgment that would require me to care about the opinions of people who can spend days talking about Taylor Lautner's abs? ALl of this is by design! Its by design that at my age, even with help staying afloat from family, I have barely left my house all year, and now without a car for 2 months, my health is deteriorating...just in the same way that guy from ...omg IM alwasy talking about jails and beatings and killings...because I havent done any of thsoe things but Ive been exiled here ALL because I waste a coffeehouse barista's time tryin gto save .50 on ice in the cup. Seriously. These "hipster" punks are as hip as second graders when theyr most tired...THAT's our future? We're fucked more than we're already fucked.

This neighbor up the street yelled at me while walking her poodle and I walking my dog "You not supposed to be up here!" I had no idea what that mean...and the next day while walking by closer to me, another woman bit my head off for saying it wasn't wise to wish for another warm winter this year. I'd never spoken to her ever....When I asked her if she believed in global warming she looked like she wanted to pounce on me...black people are so insecure sometimes its ridiculous. Its not possible for people to extract their ego when trying to talk about science? I think it got her when I said "Ive lived here 50 years and there has NEVER been a snow storm like that in October before the leaves were off the trees." She insisted there had been a few "Maybe not wher eyou were (in Westchester)...anyway the point is she WAS a hateful fkn idiot...but I still wast emy time...wondering....how I can possibly be so hated? I have NOTHING! Im lucky I have the basics and I try to peek out my butt as often as I can without any income..call it paranpid if that helps you feel better about your pathetically compromised life...but Im in a virtual prison....It sonly a matter of time before the "apparent heart attack" or accident occurs...

I found this teenage looking woolie bear this morning walking the dog. Unless someone dropped it from a bag of snake food? It was living just inches away from melting ice and snow...more evidence of natural cycles being out of wack...my own include Jane. Im offically menopausal...which makes me think I could have surprised everyone after training and actually ahd a baby (if only someone worthy were around to do it with) anyway, what was I rambling on about? Oh ya I get beat up... for caring about a moth EVEN WHEN I HAVE ALMOST ZERO CASHFLOW I find the time-but IM weird? Why do poeple act jealous if Im so weird? ...I get beat up...for nothing.... Dear Craigslist Joe-Collaborate with me on  a doc about yoga instructors who actually get killed off in one way or another-for the most shallow of reaons..,good energy thrown away...for what...tahst what I want to epxlore. Its not my intention to embarrass....I purposely write sloppy to make people loose interest as I work out my own shit in this hypo efficient way...Kevin Flint cinematographer? Flint? Like Lighter? Really? Is this organically coming together? Or mad made? I love the names of Dexter's exec producers etc "Joe Manicotti" and there's another funny sounding has ot be made up one...what were we talking about?

If craigslist joe were to put Flint's camera on this woman...she would let him spend nite give  him all that love he found on the road...and when they said goodbye in morning shake his hand and say something "profound" about humanity while looking into the camera...just like guy in beginning of craigslist joe (dont want to say his name for fear it would sound xenophobic) It spurely a matter of too many bored low life people procreating and munching through whats left of natural resources and actual good life...because there is so much love...being channelled in the wrong direction.

The US came that close from putting Paul Ryan in oval office...and Im crazy? What do I want ? What elseTh e essential recognition and apologies...even though way too late for me to ever have anything other than pretend relationships...WITCH I dont even want...

Jane? Picture this: Me, and a table in a restuarant meeting this dime a dozen guy, at the age of 51 having a hot flash? Who needs therapy to figure out the source of real depression? Its malice. Your malice is whats melting the planet into water world....fuck victime of sandy! People LOVE to watch themselves be "do gooders" when the cameras are on...no one could stop a cop from illegally shutting doen ALL I had in the world 2 yrs ago...but they can pull together like cock roaches and rekindle millions of consumers of donuts...because thats what the media turns it into...ok thats a bit harsh...obviously Im sorry for nyone's loss too...but Im so sick of the "We are the world" self promotion mindset...Soldiers hijacked into a created war that destroyed this country they EAT UP they "hero" propaganda...its pathetic....if poeple only attempted to try to stay real and require a tad more truth in relationships...only then is there hope...woops I ended up getting bitter again....oh well....it is what it is.

If there are any sympathetic people out there enough to actually make a small gesture? Please buy an apropos recording Ive made available on iTunes?