If anyone, anyone at all, is actually getting this? I have to iterate that with all my talking about Jane Kartsch, Im not oblivious to even deeper underlying problems in my life that have contributed to the mess...my own family, Jeanne Cawley, Jane Beller, Lilyan Sievernich,...the list is longer, but my point has never been to name names...Ive only ever meant to BEG people to grow a conscious-those who I know for a fact, like Dexter, are guilty of undermining. I don't mean the same to be expected gossip that will always go on when someone screws up....I mean to hide their secrets, or even steal mutually owned art (on a grand theft scale) deliberately and maliciously put a determination to if not obliterate my character at least make it questionable...so no one would have to know a newly married husband's indiscretion, actually Jane Beller shouldnt be on the malicious list...she's just always been a shallow poodle...the butter knife that perpetuates someone like Jeanne's gossip...anyway Im off track.
I resorted to blogging in 1998, creating my own html because I was trapped in the catskills because my family bascally shipped me off to green mountain Siberia....I lived on 130 acres by myself for a month....I thought I was alone...in retrospect I probably had all kinds of hunters bernoculing me....When I see photos I look like a fairy....a tomboy fairy...escaping from having been raped in 1990, beaten up by a black female cop in NYC for not paying $1.25 in 1993 (Deborah Moore? You and me on Oprah? What do you say? I'll be ther ewith this story? Get your lawyers ready)....
Those awful friends I first mentioned really dont come close to the hatred certain people in my own family have shown me..Ive always hesitated to get into that subject for obvious reasons...my family...when Im angry I want to call it a non existent family-but even though one of my cousins ex-wives refused ot let me spend ONE night when I was virtually homeless the night before I went to Catskill Heaven...I did go to Catskill heaven....and heaven it was....without a dime to my name or any money I was surrounded by some much beauty, so much wealth really...the same guy who built the ugly little bungalows built the State Theatre in Lincoln Center? These were relatives removed?) thru marraige anyway...obviously I was loved somewhat. No one ever meant to hurt me....I think even when the architect made a sexual advance at me-he was just playing, testing me...but maybe not? The thing is...sexually flirying or messing around is all fine when everyone's fine....But it took me a long time to realize men create prostitution because its a turn on for them to play daddy...all of them...
Just for saying that now I sound like I was ever a prostitute....as if any single woman with financial problems resorts to the inevitable spreading of the legs...In my experience Ive found most do...it is a world of fucking whores with marriage licenses too often...and thats why so many horrendous people who thought they wanted to marry THAT person, becase THAT life appealed to their imaginations...over and over again...
brb
Just
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