Emergency Exit

I feel responsible to some degree for bringing as many people as I possibly could into this internet tron...Once in a while I imagine it makes sense to have an emergency exit plan, because everything humans do ends up becoming corrupt at some point...sensible people have realized that it might be abused in a multitude of ways by everyone who uses it...I couldn't resist more and more turning myself inside out in what feels like outerspace...free to be lost in thought, rich enough to have the luxury thanks to the peacetime...we've obviously come to tale for granted...life used to be perfect...my sleepy hollow...now its like a giant shipyard of orphanages, turning work into taking care of and paying for other people's reincarnated sperm...emotionally so more than anything else. A mess of a system because people have lost an ability to stay sharp, appreciate the power and necessity of honesty, and simply keep it together almost effortlessly...like it used to be...before "Dynasty" TV type republican propaganda decided it needed to sell shampoo globally...a larger holder for it's big dick...I cant think of what else it might boil down to...Just pocreation and it's natural course and direction? Im honestly not judging just discussing the facts...shit art sold itself like a whore, devalued everything because "showbusiness" surpassed reality...lost my train of thought...

Oh ya. I dont know what the answer is to being open and public with one's info vs driving one's self crazy by watching someone else do it for you? I started blogging in around 1998 as an SOS, a desperate scream for help from the catskills...few were listening and certainly no one enough to help anyway....I dont think I regret my choice because I reallu had nothing else...it became a life line, just like a moment in time when I considered being an actress, or a songwriter, showbusiness shit in other words...I considered it an option when my family had literally lost home..and couldnt think of any other way to try to go after a large sum to put a house back etc....I feel like I forgive myself for ever thinking showbusiness is ever really noble...ya there are greats and demi gods and gods...but thats exactly the whole propagandic danger-and when it cant recognize delusion anymore...the sheep follow right into this fucking shit music called Rhianna? Its like they may has well put twot on a stick and call it culture....like a bunch of gd chimpanzees......

Oh ya so the emrgency exit for me is to just go on doing what Ive been doing...but always pointing out...its electricity...its not always accurate and it even kills...its good its bad...its electricty....my soul feels like an egg frying very slowly...extremely slowly, almost not frying at all...but ya slowly frying....my body hurts so much all I think about is my burial...the coolness of the mud on my flesh, even though dead...reconnecting...maybe coffins arethe ultimate ridiculousness of picturing heven as a place we need to bring our own outhouses, or folding chairs in case god like sto tell long stories and u need to sit a bit....as if any of this chronic deceit is worthy bouncing in th eway...fucking up the seamless streamlined rush through an eye of an needle type feeling when we pass...etc....I want to be buried in cool mud up to my stomach right now...god that would feel so good I think...serious relief...like a massage...