For years, most of my adult like in fact, I would tell anyone who would listen about how offtrack things are in my life, naively bellowing that anyone of course would want to help me. That everyone was smart enough to understand that even the tiniest of gestures were capable of catapulting me back to the place I was supposed to be...that was the feeling really underneath it all. The smallest token only had to be sincere, and at the right time could act as major damage reversal...
In 1998-1999, when I started vomiting my inner misery and fury over the injustice onto an internet page, I had never heard of anyone doing that. Maybe TRONnerds with fake names and role playing games, but I was willing to take my chances by screaming out dates and places, and names when an innocent person was being hurt...in fact one of the first was about a middle school special ed class I substituted for in the Hudson City Schools. Because a woman named Mrs Mecht was bullying, and emotionally lobotomizing the kids that went thru her room. I was subbing for the main teacher, while Mrs Mecht was an "aid", so I think she felt awkward taking a lead, but was quick to try her hand when she felt threatened or jealous...I mean honestly?I was early 30s, still attractive, at times perhaps drop dead gorgeous judging by the number of heads that didn't turn when I walked by...thats the one good thing about being a nasty old aging grandma, Im allowed to reminisce..with the pic to prove it...People LOVE to write me off over any tiny little misunderstanding...no one ever wants to take the time to work out misunderstanding with me because its only win loose with them...at all costs..as if they would rather die themselves and ALWAYS see me dead, or suffer, or be taught sone kind of lesson....brb I have to upload the last pic I saw of myself around that time....such a great person....have never down anything illegal except maybe a little herb. Rarely, if ever drink, I have no money most of the time to do anything...so every little move I make to better my life is a huge gamble. Like giving me Bikram Titusvile-no one can ever explain honestly how once again people were allowed to take advantage of me, but also break the law while doing so, and continually get away with it. It's only because my saint of a mother, who tries her best to understand and support me that I have not blown my brains out. Every single person I know's opinion of me has been colored. Yes in part by my own dramatic reaction to the abuse AFTER THE FACT. But I truly believe that part of a staff employed by Bikram Choudhury, initiated by false rumors and CREATED police matters by Jane Kartsch of Bikram Yorktown meant to drive me to a place emotionally where offing myself was an option.
The difference between blogging and writing I am allowed to define. Because I may not have been "the first" (although I well might have too) to seek justice in the public forum way, via my own domain, friend's server and the most incredible introduction to the internet..that I parlayed into a small business making websites fro small businesses for a while...omg the ridiculous conversation I endured for a lousy $150...my favorite was at a Chinese Restaurant in Croton where the owner's son said "Let's be honest? WHo's going to buy Chinese food from the Internet?" zero vision like most....I was the one telling people to buy Apple stock in 2000, while I myself couldn't afford to buy dish soap...I was the one who begged and pleaded people wake up to that sham of an election, how obvious it was that war was coming. Then that war even came! A war that would bankrupt the country, blogging about al of it on fARMY because I'd not gotten over the stupidity of the first Gulf War..Im not only laughed out of the room, Im blackballed for it...what people don't understand about blackballing is that isn't perpetuated consciously - like some children's popularity contest - it's financially based. Years after you initially pissed off someone politically, your resulting snub-poverty in itself is more than enough ammo for the next dancing partner. For instance Jane Kartsch of Bikram Yoga Yorktown. She would be the kind of fellow 911 conspiracy theorist herself normally, to support someone like myself's arguments, predictions etc...either a comrade or just harmless enough acquaintance. I had never in anyway, shape or form been any sort of threat to Jane Kartsch whatsoever...but armed with the knowledge that I was already broke, hurting, aging 45, on my last legs if I didn't pull a rabbit out of hat soon Jane made the conscious decision, she chose to not only ban me from her studio but went out of her way to call all other yoga studios in area to frighten them away from not only hiring me, but allowing me to continue working out. SOMEONE NEEDS TO PRESS HER ON WHY. NOT LET HER GET AWAY WITH SIMPLY CITING THE BITCHFEST THAT HAS UNFOLDED SINCE...It took all of 3 months to put that 50 pounds back on. Weight Id worked so hard to loose, and she saw me loose it even..But the blackballing comes from her knowing there wasn't much of a future left for me anyway, so she, Jane, made the conscious decision to actively, knowingly extinguish any opportunity she could sabotage in my life from that point on. The question is why? Imagine those crucial years lost 45-50...and there wasn't ever even anything to apologize for to avoid it-it was like a form of emotional murder.
Lynn Whitlow, a teacher who helped me enormously in my teacher training while simultaneously put me in touch with a mini photographic memory ability to quickly learn dialogue is teaching there this weekend. But if I were to show up for any reason, to do yoga, to bring cookies, anything whatsoever Jane Kartsch would RELISH in another opportunity to further write some kind of police matter up on my name...don't misunderstand. They can ALL go fuck themselves. I have no desire whatsoever to put myself thru any of that and of course have no intention of going....but how can I send a message? How can I ask, how can I DEMAND, someone hold Jane Kartsch accountable. Someone PLEASE just ask the question and NOTE, be witness to the fact she has no answer. That is why the false police report she had created, that she brought to the attention of the staff during my yoga training and all but ruined it, and subsequently my future plans, a $12,000 investment when all was said and done...financial disaster that took such a toll, on my aging family also dying off one by one.....jane Kartsch needs to admit she had absolutely no reason to interfere as use did in my life...and now she thrives in that Bikrma Community? Must be an air of evil in the worst way associated with Birkam Yoga?
I forgot what the hell I really started to write about.
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