My Silverware

In 1986-87ish my father's girlfriend gave me this set of picnic silverware, when I was moving into my Carmine Street apt. It's what I still use to this day. Kind of disgusting actually when I think about all the coffee and sauces and oil water as they soak in water filled glasses in the sink waiting to washed again....

but that's all I have. Constantly having to decide whether to put $10 into gas tank (when I had a working car) or do 3 loads of laundry (That accumulates as I budget the pennies). Ive never owned a washer and dryer, I was over the moon a few days ago when my mother bought for me disg scrubbies-as mine has been around way to long....My entire adult life has been spent scraping by like this....so the idea that my plans were derailed based on some petty woman's jealousy or paranoia...actually its the idea that I have absolutely no idea, still to this day why I was so brutally destroyed... If she had simply kept her nose out of my business, I would have soared...I would have donated thousnds of dollars to some anti-fracking demonstration today, I might have adolpted 2-3 children by now, with some super guy I met blah blah blah....all the nice thinsg that happen when money is flowing....But Jane, and quite a few others, would prefer to believe that even with a dime or two to my name I would be "lost" and or "dangerous" and or useless...whatever their bullshit percerption.....

Im sure Jane has been through a few silverware sets in her day....all thos basic things, like a dishwasher, or reular oil changes...the things people in westchester dont even count as costing....stuff thats never for want...because poeple do very well for themselves in Westchester....but Im supposed to beleiev Im flat broke an dunemployed without a car, and no one will hire me because I wasn't capable of the crap people do for their money? Or maybe I just tried to hold higher standards-naive to believe people would have my back....Ok I dont know what Im talking about anymore....Just cant believe how old I am...and how robbed Ive been.