WHy I can't Make $20

 So you might wonder how anyone could claim to be incapable of making $20 doing something, anything when there just plain is no source of cash flow, or work...Let me show you how hard I work NOT to make $20 okay? Check it out. Here was my day today...

 I figured I throw down a batch of Dog Biscuits on the shelves of a little Turkish Grocery Market a few weeks ago, maybe three weeks now. A small, big, medium sized place. Figured I'd see if I could make enough to invest in a proper DBA, and a license with proper agencies etc...Form an LLC for godsakes, as if no one can see what a fantastically marketable, clever name Pavlov's Gourmet is for dog treats...IM mean so obvious, stupid perhaps. But guess what? You'll find a hundred people using a version of the names I registered in 2003 and 2004 across the country, hopefully making tons of money so I can better make my gd point. If I haven't already. How is it that I come before the fortune with my ideas, lists long only for other individuals and companies to have successfully capitalized on leaving me in the dust, throughout my entire adult life scrimping quarters together to buy soap, or pizza or gas...The first time I saw this BoyScouts of Green County donation bottle recycling booth, I innocently started filling up a bag in order to trade in the whole lots of them if it took all day. I was left fpr broke in the Catskills literally by my Chappaquian relatives who'd felt I'd dug my own grave, or maybe made my own bed at this time...as things were still hopeful...anyway the owner Mr Slater of Slater's Great American Grocery Store came barreling out after me threatening to "CALL THE POLICE" on me for stealing the fckn bottles. I thought the goddam BoyScouts had set up a sort of "self help" job opportunity for any idiot in the community who needed an extra few cents (or a buck if you really wanted to work it)....Retarded of me? Perhaps. But the police? This just barely a ew months after I'd first been beaten up by kunt police office Deborah Moore (who bashed in my head the same way the White Plains cops entertained themselves by tormenting Mr Kenneth Chamberlain who had accidnetally set off his LifeAlert. Shot dead, begging the cops for an hour to please go away, leave him alone.....as a society that this isnt recognized as the REAL BULLYING news media doesnt even know how to touch, how to report on. Because the American psyche has become such an embarrassment,....I forgot what I meant to be writing about...oh yes....my experience with the eyes of the son of the turkish market.....I can tell by the way he looks at me he detests me...it feels like only a matter of time before he attacks, fulfills his need to either hurt me or feel superior maybe....Cant put my finger on it....But this is typical American behavior, not just Turkish...I asked him for $20 of the projected $52 in sales, in order to buy the salt free peanut butter from the machine they have their, a key ingredient for my dog cookies....anyway...he agreed...I left a new batch with him....then when I went to collect he was hiding out in the CVS, as if Im am just a joke they are playing with...probably never intended to give me anything because it's obviously such an amateur operation etc...But I can see in his eyes that when I dare to interrupt him while he's spends 30 mins looking thru mother's day cards in the neighboring drugstore...I hint for a second time that I need that lousy $20 he'd agreed to pay me....but he enjoys watching me me desperate....I will write more in depth about this...it's not because he's Muslim or Turkish on my part and yet, I understand how much my country has hurt other people throughout the world-I recognize the resentment.....it felt violent and I had a premonition that the intl cells Ive been warning about for the past 15 years will sooner than later become violent if for no other reason simply out of boredom...I can barely stand the hypocrisy myself, I can't imagine those who lost babies for no reason, for decades have been patiently waiting for their revenge. human nature all the same...the poor love to romanticize their hunger, imagine superiority and strength when in fact given the same exact role reversal....it's just how people are. People are backstabbing egomaniacle, delusional, self important idiots...unless theyre Jesus or Buddha, Mohammed or maybe Joseph Smith although I must confess I know absolutely nothing about the mormon faith's history....

I cant write this now.....I made my point...SOmeone will tell this kid about what Ive written, which will not only loose that $20 for me, but might even get me banned from the store. Fascinating right?

Turkish educational institutions have come under increasing scrutiny ... Governments as well as many scholars and journalists suspect that the schools have more than just education on their agendas ...". The article quoted Hakan Yavuz, a professor of political science at the University of Utah, as calling the Gülen movement

"a political movement ... and it has always been political. ... They want to train an elitist class which will then turn Turkey into a centre of the religious world, Islamise the country, ... It is the most powerful movement right now in [Turkey] ... There is no other movement to balance them in society."^[55]

Imagine how selfless poeple sound when they say the want to open a school....what a charade....But Im the dangerous one right Jane Kunt? Immigration fraud, The Gulan Movement facsinating story because...."Back Door Midrasis" Bringing in foreign "english teachers" Every pay period turks give 40% of their pay checks back to Gullen,

www.intelligencefordummies.com

 

 Ya What He Says. (One Day  Take the Time to Notice Timing of these Coincedences), this kismit I call my life. Part watching too much TV and part Im actually intelligent when Im not being retarded. BUt of course nothing is ever what it seems.

When your Blog Software is Programmed to Calculate Mind Fcking Factor

It is my intention to help people forgive the curse of the f word. To see past any and all closedmindedness in order to wake the fuck up before the planet blows.

I Just wrot ealmost 5 paragraphs, late to go somewhere, felt sop much better about my life and now someone is fucking with me online.....this is ho wit goes....and i curse their mothers and prey their hell.

Hours later Im still heartbroken, so pissed that someone was invading my cyberspace. Even Blogger acknowledges someone was hacking me (so fuck you and your mother on mother's day hackser asshole):

Afterall How Hard is it Really to Get the Presidnet's Attention?

I think the office of the presidency must be a place where a hopefully brilliant mind is in some kind of constant erroll flynn type duelling mode with the rest of the countries of the world, each in some way or another, every dam one of them, who would love to slap the shit out of the American Government for the more and more bonehead things it's done over the past 6 or 7 decades? When did it all go so HORRIBLY wrong? Oh wait that's right it was Eisenhower's Motherfucking Farewell Speech that went over everyone's head.

 Happy Fucking Mother's Day to Pat Tillman's Mom.

I just wrote something Ive never felt so powerful about in my life...and it was all just censored out...this is how they will drive me out of the computerw orld....people fucking have such nerve....fuck you

LatiNation TV

Anyone ever seen a tick bit elike this before? I pulled the thing off, maybe lost the head (not sure). But from the moment I pulled it off it looked this black. As if an invasion via bugs is happening? Didnt Sadam Hussein say in the late 90s something about attacking from the air? I immediately connected West Nile Virus...but the news never did...maybe because they created the front? Pre war Bush propaganda?

I can't afford cucumbers or a trip to a lousy clinic because there are too many poeple...its just a fact...Seems so aggressive to name a show on NBC "LatiNation" TV especially since all of modern hispanic culture is little more than mimicking what has proven to be most garish and shallow with the originating NATION. Oh how fun it would be to have horny little men running around with sleezy smiles thinking I love to hear them call me "momasita" and how I dream about them fucking me 24-7.... so sorry the REALITY is harsh....it's hard to watch the ball-less white people get bulldozed over by latino testosterone simply because of the rape factor growing that much more rapidly....hey what can I say? My first molestor was from Honduras, I was 8 years old on my grandparents farm in NC (after some baptism at church of course)...He whipped it out and asked me to "touch it" and I picked up a small piece of metal on a table and hit it. My cousins who were 2-3 years older behind me laughed...ok so maybe it could be worse right? Nothing happened past that....The worst molestation was seeing a dozen hispanic men on the same farm 20 years later with coffee cups in their hands sitting on the bulldozers that flattened all that family history out into oblivion...and all of the stip clubs and Home Depots that today line much og I-85....Im an equal opportunity culture hater...hating everyone just DARING to TRY to tell it like it is....without anymore pussy footing around...like telling still old fat ugly women they look "great" because they lost 20 pounds..."Shades of Gray" Give me a break.

Maybe it's the tick bite going to my brain? That has me so sick of pretending the millions of dollars spent on 16 year old rape victims prenatal care leaves me with overburdened doctors who dont have the time to give a shit even if you do have insurance.....LatiNation go make traffic somewhere else please? Oh how exciting with millions fo people with a 3rd grade education making zoning decisions with the Wolves and Eagles in mind...fuck you all...black white brown, yellow...money hungry pigs...this was once a sleepy hollow...

Now it's full of all species of bugs and radiation poisoning from imports made with metal wherever they can find it...They say the Chinese wont even use anything "made in China" because of the toxicity factors.

Kenneth Chamberlain Shooting: Audio of Life Alerts Calls With Chamberlain

Everyone needs to listen to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfRLsF0VTko

 It sounds like the cops are entertaining themselves. Why didnt Life Alert call them off? I called Channel 12 News to ask why they seemed to ignore the obvious question: "Why didn't the cops just leave after Mr Chamberlain told them he was ok?" Listen at point 3:37 to th epolice officers HARASSING the man, purposely driving him nuts....these cops should be given their precious all-purpose solution of the death penalty to try to wipe clean from the face of the planet the scum of the earth. The 12 year old souning girl who answered the phone, had no idea but thanked me for the idea of "that angle"...I mean honestly its just scary. She tried to say that the grand Jury concealed the evidence from trial...and yet here it is on YouTUbe...just more proof that our "News" is little more than an arm of the police, used to shame people, bully poeple in fact...listen to how these pigs bully? But IM the bad guy fro writing about this honestly? IM upset for the family who had to loose someone this way, but IM the dangerous person....shit like this guarantees there will be war coming soon...and we have all the hypocrits and cowards, backstabbing lying whores and shits to thank....they all know they could easily end up like April Kauffman if they were to go too renegade. "The Atlantic County Prosecutor’s Office is handling all media questions regarding the case, and have been very secretive regarding the details of the case. At this point in time, no suspects have been named in the case.

Read more at http://www.inquisitr.com/235145/april-kauffman-murder-new-jersey-radio-host-found-dead-in-home/#SHSAgVp3xt3se1BJ.99"

The Grand Jury who found the cops "acted appropriately" should be exposed for their obvious ties to the cops in some way....I'd like to shuv their sarcasm down their throats for what they did to the Pace student also.

Very cool of LifeAlert (perhaps?) to release the tapes.The username " LarchmontMamaroneck" immediately made me think of Thomas Sullivan's house being blown up fro some reason, like retaliation for any think blue line crossings(?) This is unreal. Unreal that people allow it to go unpunished-death for all of us-so the corrupt can keep raping and overburdening the system with the makers of crap and their family's family's family....pretending we need bigger bridges....new Tappan Zee really? No if idiots would stop pretending more the merrier economics arent the very root of problem. Oh but I do love not being able to afford cucumbers much anymore.

I can't wait for the entirety of South America to bring  every last one of the population here so the water will taste even more like chlorine and rents will quadruple exponentially so that only pharmaceudical executives and the most cold blooded murders will be able to afford the taxes with their con art currency...

when we need to be more honest with ourselves....Im barely saying anything....emoting, whining about my sad pathetic life but these pigs would kill me too for sport...just like April Kaufman? The fact that no news stations seem to touch it makes you wonder...There is no such thing as news.

Jane Kunt

I have this pressure and small, but semi sharp pounding pain in my inflammed torse from my neck to my fingers...I feel like Ive been having heartattack signs for years but that didnt stop me, yet again, from shuving a fat chocolate cupcake into my mouth for breakfast (3 hours after waking up)...is this suicidal?

It occurred to me that you assholes are so quick to call me "crazy" because none of you have been in the position of little to no cash flow for long periods of time. To the point where one wrong move, one wrong word, to a ticket writing cop say, can result in hundreds of dollars worth of fines, or even a brutal beating to the head, which will even come back to haunt you in your new career as a yoga teacher of all things....why the fuck would I care to bother any longer guarding my tongue from wagging like an angry dog, a hungry dog better.

The money I've had to borrow from friends and family through 2011, and the resentment, after years of being stomped on...have I come out and said how often I pray to god to remove Jane Kartsch from this plnaet to just maybe feel some kind of recognition of all that was lost? For things that will never be gotten back. Forgotten because Jane decided my life was her's to interfere with using any made up story that came into her gelatinous brain. I feel like I have no hoice but to walk that tight rope-in order to bring attention to the injustice. How lucky I am that I did have people in my life care enough to scoop me up-but the resentment that comes up, when it's gone on for too long....things I have to try to live down because Jane what? Why would Jane Kartsch walk into a police station and create some kind of record that she would later use to destroy my credibility in a $12,000 investment with Bikram Yoga College?

My heart attack this morning, actually I still feel it now, simply has me preparing for the inevitable as best I can. Worse than death would be to live vulnerably under such insensitive, hateful liars....I stare at my fishbowl...think of my diving bell comparisons....

Insteda of prisons as a growth industry they should hire more judges and build more courtrooms...we could use the arenas to try to put things back together before Int'l monetary invasion hits full on....we could actually get ourselves out of debt to the entire planet if they just legalized herb for 20 years and then cam eback to recheck decision....5 years even say....but this stupidity and clinging onto lies behavior is so engrained in our very essence at this point...SO full of shit...I will die broke an dalone....but I will actually breath, as opposed to the life of Jane Kunt. Thata's her name from now on. A rose by any other. I spit it your wretched face you nasty vile piece of shit woman, I would say this in front of your children you role playing dept and Barnes and Noble whore....I slap you across your pocked wronkled, acne'd, sagging spotted, droopy ugly ass face for every time I've argued with my family since you did what you did to me. Unable to explain fully to them, or even Bikram for that matter why the FUCK you would resport to lying in order to throw my life so far off course at such a promising hopeful opportunity for me-when I can't even uderstand it myself. THAT is why you desreve to suffer greatly and she be punished, I will spend every last bit of my life having a bill drawn up that would force you some kind of public humiliation as THE FACE of making of a crime for falsely accusing others The Jane Kunt Law....for my deteriorating health...omg I detest you.

Croton Brats

Croton kids will be croton kids? I pulled in front of the bakery and right behind me some little teenager (or super yong mother?) droves up behind me and smashed her left tired into the curb and makes an awful sound...so I meant to give her a comforting smile that said "It happens to the best of us" kinda thing...and she gives me this horrible nasty stink eye look! So I just ignored it until they started laughing at me behind me back in the store, (when I turned around they look away and have hard time holding in their laughter at a joke obviously made at my expense etc...I mean I know kids will be kids...but it made me realize Im glad I dont use my children to pretend I matter more than I really do....IM glad IM not some idiot neurotic parent, scared to death of going to jail for sending my child with a peanut butter snack etc...omg...while the Lori Vlads of the world do their little Lottery (as in Shirley Jackson) gossipy shit...yuck...I guess Im blessed...too many of them seem like spineless little killers...

Listen to Me

I don't remember hearing the words/letters CIA ever once in grade school, or first few year of college for that matter....never at home, maybe few times in passing in a movie, or a news story (in the background soundtrack of my mind full of worries of homework, clothes, social relationships)....I can't say I ever once heard a teacher talk about anything CIA, not even the letters....But when a "friend" of mine I'd just met at Hunter College in 1984 suddenly was revealing a tantrum prone side of himself over the subject of CIA recruitment at the college that day being undermined by student protests, I realized any asshole could be a part of the CIA...In NYC a lot of people are directly or indirectly, secretarialy...or you know what? maybe everyone in NYC who claims to have a connection to CIA is just insane and trying to politic....the point is we all brush shoulders, and when I used to feel someone had my back, or god's hand under my butt like a playground swing life was good. I never had any money, I was always somehow taken care of and believed that my intelligence was the true value greater than money...but not a spying on people info gathering intelligence, just growing my brain with life saving knowledge...so I could find my place, and the flow of money would come...because I never made MONEY the priority in my life. Surrounded by people who did make money central, down to the point of planning future relationships on financial comfort level...wow when you think about how that shallowness has manifested into turning our once sleepy hollow into a burgeoning singapore where we're jailed for chewing gum, and hammer guy for building a prison jobs is a proud place to be?

I am a moron, and yet my exposure to so much great shit in NYC had me always trying to reconnect with people in Wetschester or way up state even, everywhere, out of state, anywhere, looking for people that could confirm latest insight...always positive....ok Im late to my yoga practice so I want to get to my point asap and wrap this up....in the early 90s say, I tried to start pilates and yoga businesses with so many people but I was too early for them to see the potential...like Tracy Villeneuve. Preferred to be miserable babysitting other secretaries too neurotic to be mos...than try to take me seriously when tried to explain to her in 1994 how huge pilates was going to be and we should partner an dmake some serious dough...I learned about pilates in 88-89 and had my own machine by 2000 thanks to Andy Harless buying it for me and I still need to pay him back!

The point is my failed life is ALL about trying to do anything without any money....and why these idiot friends in my life (not andy) were to stubborn and alky, retarded, selfish, hateful, fckn gossiping liars....to CREATE WEALTH...Tracy for example was always so hateful of me for not having a weight problem and being too high on life to secretly resent me...it didnt come out until way later....it is what it is...but the obviously bad chopices I made for the first and most imprtant people in my life early on revealed themselves...its too laate.....but IM salvaging it all by talking about it....I can show Tracy that after 40+ years I can quadruple her backwards hate right back into the mirror..Jeanne Cawley another...I have poeple at gas stations who's names I dont even know who went to school with Jeanne Cawley give me the stink eye, spread more FABRICATED hate about me ... Then I almost escape from it all when I find yoga, only to have Kuntress Jane "hear" the local chat, from poeple like Peggy Grant and her fat gay little barrista troublemaker wiseass (the kind of kid who pretends to be your friend and as soon as you step on some generation weird line turns it into some kind of sexual crime gossipiness...(I was once having a laugh with everyone at the Cow and stuck my head into the cleaning closet to whisper something to him while he was getting a mop bucket together-he made jokes like "we must stop meeting like this"- which sur[pprised me, as a bit of a stretch-but his dirty little mind obviously a result of mommie dearest perhaps...anyway....Ill never forget how when it suited him to embarrass me publicly months (or years even) later, he retold that passing moment as if I was somehow doing something inappropriate-so as to squash my credibilty with whatever was happening at the time-like an ARthue Miller game with this asshole...the little pig pieces of shit like him-omg I can only imagine how often adults are victim to sophisticated kid's Crucible games....(his mother was another fkd up troublemaker/cliche swingerwith droopy panties hanging below her too short tennis skirt, married to some dude like 20 yrs younger (I think) -I may edit that later...because they seem like dangerous (overpaid) people with money to burn for their people bbq pit....Im gonna remove the names because I dont want to go out by their hand-that would be hell...he knew all about the whole Jane Kartsch saga and so took great pleasure in telling me how great his sister was at the yoga, an dhow popular it was with everyone etc etc...as if it made sense I was totally ostracized by their little community of bs yogis etc...anyway...I just removed his name from the original post because I believe theirs is truly a family of killers I dont want to be tormented by....

A month ago I tried to talk to Bikram and thought he put me on hold while he finished a conversation...as I waited and waited...i wasnt sure if he knew I was there and was amazed at what I was hearing so started recording....the guy he was speaking with mentioned casually a place where one could "buy bombs in saudi arabia" as if common knowledge (Bikram said nothing but that was what was being sai dto him) so I was so angry when he finally came back just to hang up on me, after 5 years of trying to undo the Kartsch damage I decided its WAR. I posted the bomb comment on twitter and anyone who had a set of earphones could clearly make it out...I did this more to be a wiseguy than really believing Bikram would have anything to do with bombs (of course I dont think that) but what the fuck does anyone know about anything? My health is so bad my joints are falling apart without hardly doing anything I can sprain an ankle or a finger...like advanced lymes disease(?) I dunno...But my INCREDIBLE life is coming to an end....my impersonation of a kamikaze cia butterfly.... oh but why you assholes want to pretend to call HERO moron sheep who want to get away from their prematurely impregnated girlfriends, or jail time to piss america all over the feet of the flintstone wars for oil?  Was it my chatter than uncovered the latest "underwear bomber" or was it just more fake propagand writing? Because the timing say sit all....just as 10,000 other similar stories throughout my entire life go unnotices....actually unnoticed is great....it's the coming AFTER ME that will have me see to it with every last ounce of breath Kartsch more than anyone else who desreves the wrath will compensate me for my projected losses.....I BEGGED Bikram in emails to please not let them interfere in my practice at least as my health was so precarious and I was SO close to being healed....these hateful MURDERERS are the same kind of poeple who would poison thei rcompetition....welcome to the new world....Im signing out.  Even if I die? Someone please make sure all of Jane Kartsch's worldy assets go to a foundation in MY NAME....no ego here just a need for balance and a sloppy way of saying screw you all you shallow take it up the butt compromising mediocre sell outs....DONT TOUCH THE TAPPAN ZEE BRIDGE....or is it just too late so everyone's gonna try to salvage the final rape of our limited natural resources...take your "jobs" and shuv them up your counterfeiting "private" investor baseball stadium bldg asses.

April 20th

The highest a human being had ever been to that point in time, history, was when the atraonauts set foot on the moon on April 20th...so Im guessing that association to the date is probably where "420" originates from. Good guess right? I was about 10 years old, and somehow must have missed the 1969 walk...but as far as I knew (thanks to the fancy wording using the term "first to" I always thought Neil Armstrong was a part of all of the "first times" someone walked on the moon...the fine line between propaganda and deception? All in the name of uranium? If only poeple could admit that "bad" people know no country or colors, and that the most slimey who have all but blown up th eplanet for the rest of us? Need to pay. Romney and the entire repulican party since under Bush even mre than Nixon should be locked up in the prisons they built and key thrown away. Nixon was just an insecure freak looking to convert chinese heads into dollar bills, but the Bushes are 10000xs worse than any mafioso story...I dont need to see anyone punished, but I do need to see them scared into confession I guess....otherwise we have to listen to Buster Brown Romney's diareah bs of the mouth, I just want to slap him and beat him up....liars makes me want to rage....imagine how the rest of the world  and people with genuine gripes feel....what am I talking about? Lost my ttain of thought. How do you want to hurt me? What are you looking for? Why are you reading my run off at the mouth? How can I help you? You want to use my little diamond in the dirt ideas and never give recognition....thats what's wrong with the world....at least I figured it out somewhat...

"Apollo 16
20 Apr 1972

Apollo 16 was the 5th Apollo mission to land on the moon and the first to land on the highlands area of the moon. The astronauts on this mission were John Young, Kenneth Mattingly Jr., and Charles Duke Jr. It launched on April 16th, 1972, landed on April 20th, and returned on April 27th."

My body is so completely fucked. The culmination of choices Ive made since mid January, my whole life for that matter, are taking their toll. I wonder if Jane had any idea how I struggled with food addictions. How incredible and once in a lifetime (apparently) I was able to get myself (almost) in perfect shape...now it's just done. It's almost like Ive really stopped mattering...even if I were to have any kind of financial success it's just Olivia Dukaky...virtually useless other then some kind of boring ceremony of pampers and circumstance...Im so giving up IM even starting to not want to bother thinking about Jane at all...my latest obsession is the coydog Ive seen a few times this week...First time I saw one it was on the Taconic just south of 117 Ben and Kat were driving, I was in the backseat. It scared the hell out of me in a way that I was the only one who saw it...Kat is a space cadet so that didnt surprise me, but Ben was driving...how could he not see it? That was like 2007. Im seeing it for the first time many many many miles away (dont want to say where, for fear of orders coming down to contract it into starring in ot's own rabies psa etc... I had jokingly said to a friend "Here throw throw the ketchup out the window so Coydog (wolf really) can use it on his deer." Later that same day, not even dark, late afternoon, there he was! I pulled car over off the parkway (thus PARK way being used for what it's supposed to be fy Trump's widening ass) to shoot fotos and of course my camera was out of memory...It walked right thru the 2 lane roads, looked at me, seemed to hang out in a little shangrala triangle with a flowering tree....I just wanted to set up a tent and wait for it until someone saw it with me....why did it always appear to only me...lol how insane this must sound...but thats ok...it was up there with hanging with the bear in the early 90s in the Catskills. Just to see one with them in their element...truly the highlights of my life in every catergory-so with god. Maybe that's why it happens when Im alone-blessed reminders of my own personal diving bells and butterflies.

Doesn't Pavlov look like Michel Anzalone sometimes?

Nirvana

ps My favorite thing about the photo of me on top of page is my relaxed right hand, because that represents a feeling I hope to feel continuously, as much as possible anyway, in my life. An effortlessness that says "ya I know god is SO with me, and thanks by the way for all the gifts" in a smile. Kartsch stupidity writes police reports without warrant in order to further grow the US's number one growth industry. Prisons. All under the guise of an "issue" like "immigration crisis"....the prisons will be there for those of us who refuse to spend 18 hrs a day inhaling toxins to build avenger dolls for BILLIONS of 5 year old. No room for farmers (1 man on 300 acres!? Imagine. Never again)

Stupidty built this city. Jane represents full on statanism torture chamber for the weak, for the people with no real god given right or power or even ability to rule. Those are the kind of shits who rely on chains and mutilation...s and m isnt funny or cute, or wink wink....its a fucking perverse embarrassment....fuck fuck fucking hypocrisy. Pow. Give me real sex over a show anytime....even if that means no sex....sex as a business is a joke...a mindphuk we're all realing from...like the song working class hero exactly...

Cortisol Pie

The newest neighbor in the building lives below me. "A new complex global economy" slogans TRowe Price tv commercial, with a dsiclaimer as morbid as a pharmy ads side effects. It's only a matter of time before most of us start working for $10 a day, molding toxic plastic into kitchenware and electronics for the 4 billion chinese population who my neighbors have all been working for for years....someone probably held a gun to Levi's Strauss Co's head. In paris in 1984 I was offered as much as $500 for my Levi's. They were my favorite so they were kept. Only to be stolen along with everything else in my Most Precious Things Box.

Anyway...my neighbor. Yoga. He moved in about 1.5 yr ago and the first thing I did was bake an Apple Walnut Raisin pie to say "Welcome New Neighbor" for the first time in my life-I'd always wanted to do that. Didnt give a shit if he was an attractive single man (too short for me)-it was all about feeling right with the people we hear through each other's walls, like an involuntarily forced together family....one of the first things he said to me was "Can you please walk a little more lightly. The way you thud is awful"etc. I was as polite as he could be, neither of us realizing how it would take hold. I put down extra carpet, tried to walk softly etc...but a few months ago I started to realize more an dmore, to this day how much stress Ive taken in over time by taking on that responsibility for crappy building...all of the floors, and walls for that matter need replacing...but the connection between this and yoga....the stress I take on, feels somewhat reduced when IM aware he's not here, it makes me want to dance, jump up an ddown, shake...and my body goes from old and cold and arthritic, to blood flow of a 6 year old....THAT is what people do to each other....no time to edit DO NOT JUDGE!!!!!

Wendy and Lucy-did you see that movie Jane Kartsch? Imagine that girl somehow making it to Bikram Yoga training, and you calling the staff and telling them how awful and dangerous a person, filing police reports, calling all places she could possibly work to fend them off....THAT is why I pray everyday god takes you as far away fromme as possible. Knowing that your kind exists on this planet so commonly makes me cringe....but everyday my body hurts, ages more rapidly, every feeling of disease that comes over me, regulalrly I curse you for, because I know I would have been in a position to save thousands of people's lives, just like Bikram, working with him side by side in essence anyway thats the beautiful thing about yoga...nobody even has to talk but the teacher...you just have to do it, for yourself, and leave everyone else alone.

No Difference Bewteen Torture and Bullying. It's Exactly the Same Insecure Power Struggle

Im seeing for the first time Mel Gibson's Jesus movie on the christian channel (TBN?) Tuning into the middle I guess, drawn in by some very interesting points and pauses...but now about 15 minutes or so later I feel like Im watching someone's s&m pornoraphy, watching a man (the actor playing Jesus) being tortured into a scientifically, physically, impossible place...it never ends...and then I can feel millions of "sheep" hypnotized by the amount of focus afforded this strange piece of art...I vaguely remember the media hype at the time it came out...a lot of talk about "realism"....whatever...it is what it is however....

It is still fckn pathetic. The most cave man interpretation of The Story of Jesus Christ. Why? How could it be we are so completely unevolved to even issue, or ALLOW one another the poetic license of discussing all possibilities of stories written in text and language only a handful have been allowed to interpret for us....it the most vile, bas, low life of human nature way....part accidental, room for forgiveness of course....would have to be...but the deliberate way the "christian church" has allowed it self to stand behind such...omg...the visions in my head of peter (o'toole?) in the old 60s film, damn what was it called....when he finally  joins parliament at the end. and the film backs off of him in a roomful of skeletons and cob webs....no time to google....googled: The Ruling Class.

Anyway I pray to god that the true story is that Jesus was such a genius that he formed a gang of tip lipped devotees who were able to "tell stories" thru the grape vine so as to trick idiots into realizing what they were capable of....basically the same thing as Yale's Milgram (sp?) Experiment. This is what people still do to each other to this day, not because it's basic accepted human nature, but because killers will always rule perhaps....but what joy it is to if nothing else, at least get to say "fuck you, you stupid pointless, perverse, jerk off, killer, how dare you try to hurt me at all, let alone have a need to see me dead..." I am AMAZED at how hated I am....I will not enjoying shaming everyone when the WHOLE STORY is told....but I've never felt so close to Jesus in my life....I almost laughed at the actor's face when he was offered a chance to run away. The actor playing Jesus looked at the figure of authority with eye's that seemed to say "You're kidding right? Where the hell am I going to go? Just please get it over with..."

If I try to explore, find understanding in why Im surrounded by killers. When I am so obviously NOT a killer and yet with each attack, assault, sabotage to my life, Im reduced, slowly turned into a projection screen of my torturers. The only justice I will ever have is my freedom, my right to express how much I hate Jane Kartsch and Deborah Moore, and Donna T....Ho wthey put me in touch with an ability to be a killer at this point. The rage I am BRAVE enough to express makes me seem "stupid" to the fake cowards who profess to be leading the way....oh the lies....

I saw a wolf or  coydog last night. One of the most beautiful moments of my life in fact...in feeling.... powerful enough to forget about almost being raped by some hispanic dude with a creepy mustache while walking my dog earlier the same day into the woods off of longpath. The wolf had to have been put there(?) Not only did I get to see it. I got to show it to someone an hour later, stalking a deer.....when I die. My pirate friends will steal my body from my torturers and enemy funeral homes, and bury it in a secret place somewhere, anywhere, in Bear Mountain State Park. That's th eonly way I'll ever be free of Jane's pain. Thank you.

Dear Jack Kartsch

Thinking of you big daddy :X Something to add to your DOSSIER sweet cheeks. Never stop thinking of me when you're with your wife. There's always hope. A man can dream. Oh ya lemme be dangerous for you baby...actually you guys have been maried for so long she would encourage you to live out some rapist fantasy on me I guess....ah...who knows....Thank you god for the power and FREEDOM bestowed upon my retarded ass on the internet....One can accomplish so much with so little effort....justice is justice nevertheless....nice rack right Jack? You can talk dirty just by spelling your name!

As wonderful and loving a woman as lovely Jane is it's nice to have visuals to find your mental path out of hell :)

Seri Ous

When I came crawling back to yoga in 2006 I was so DISGUSTINGLY fat, and depressed I could only do the yoga with my mind. But that was when I saw the most miraculous results of all time. Immediately loosing 9 pounds (thanks to a fantastic diet given me by Dr Joel Fuhrman personally). I was advised to choose one form of exercise to do on a daily basis, and Fuhrman's words coupled with Choudhury's (same words) just exploded in my head for an impression of a lifetime....I was HUGE and honestly had given up, but you try to swim no matter even though death looms...especially because death looms I guess...The point being

Btw What is this story about eight players on the Chargers football team in the past year (or less?)  commiting suicide or were murdered by what sounds like some hunger games creator? wtf (Maybe a new form of terrorism. My heart broke when I heard the latest's mom wailing over th enews in Hawaii...I honestly believe half the population has secretly killed someone and no one knows about it....I learned to feel this way from people like Transit Police Officer (now Sgt) Deborah Moore and Jane Kartsch Yoga teacher extraordinaire...killers. Hateful lying killers....who needs al qieda with neighbors and a backstabbing cut throat community like that?

Look how good I looked at my studio in FL...Cant find the fckn pic so Im posting old ones I havent seen in years...it's no coincidence that "cold" and "old" share same letters....cant believe how much I miss FL sometimes.

Tick Tick Toxic

When I come out of padahastasana both my index fingers glide symmetrically across the floor, like tiny antenna keeping balance. I do it so quickly, so effortlessly it feels joyous. To still be in touch with those god given sensitivities that have allowed me to feel such a full life, in spite of all the lowly disgusting piece of shit lying people...I can't think of anyone's life I would have preferred over my own...as it slowly comes to it's end all I have is wonderment...like Henry Moore (?) said "Paris is never more Paris than when you're in New York...and vice versa" My memories are so incredible I couldn't have imagined anything more fantastic than the post cards I get to take with me to heaven...I have moments where it almost feels like every word is in synch with realms as large as the moon...when I was younger I might not've known how important it is to find that ability to see things as they are, to just get past any surprise or shock....I don't know anyone who's opinion I care about anymore. I guess because those who I ever thought I did turned out to be such a huge disappointment. Stubborn and stupid are very similar words for a reason. When I write, maybe nothing more than why a guy might take an artistic piss in the snow...But the words...are sacred...words are the only sanity in the little white room I accidentally got locked up in for much of my adult life if only in people's minds to the point Im not allowed to hold a job long before it becomes fun to sacrifice me...silly women love to bond over the ostracization of a previous...I know so many women who are still trying to create high school scenarios because they never got to do the whatever that courtney love song went on about...Hole whatever.......because that's considered entertainment by the piece of shit people who have sunk the US on the whole,  like the Titanic...nothing to do with money...just everything to do with BULLSHIT LIES.

Allergies are trees way of telling us how they feel. A warning no one listens to because the pron is too extraordinary. Que sera?

Welcome to My Warp

Is Charlie Sheen writing the direct TV ad campaign? This new DirecTV ad is pretty hysterical, makes me laugh a little, a lot actually, a little comic relief for my situation with Deborah Moore, Jane Kartsch et al .... but it's also an amazingly brave reality check, warning message/wake up call for anyone who's ever screwed up someone's entire life for stupid reasons....Like the way Jane Kartsch stole the past 5 years of my life...and yet i realize she probably isn't capable of seeing the connection between the unconsciousness/indifference shown by actor playing the defense lawyer in TV ad and her childish petty lies, trouble making and sabotaging innocent people who are simply...minding their own precious business... I will never stop asking every single day for the rest of my life until I get the answer/apology. Hell is being accused of something someone didnt do and then subjected to morons who are paid to torture, simply because that's how its always been from beginning of time.... Jane would purposely misinterpret anything I ever did or said or wrote...she would try to talk about this little blog entry as some kind of threat to her for example...simply for pointing out the reality of karma ...If it happens between yoga teachers what does that say about the rest of society....her stubborness is pathetic. I would never blow up her house but if I heard it happened to her, it would feel like a hug from God. I talk about this honestly because I can only imagine how 10s of thousands (millions?) of people who have much worse happen to them based on some lying piece of shit without any real reason even....people suck, and karma is real..."Vengence is mine sayeth the lord"...

However I was so upset about the horrible house fire in Carmel (yesterday?) as the photos looked like a bomb went off the TV ad was less funny. Couldnt enjoy it as much.....was thinking about that all day today....is that what we have to look forward to thanks to this love of war and hurting each other more than ever since Bush Cheney Oil War Inc took over? Retaliation on an individual level? Americans need to be more self deprecating, more introspective, more humble and much less stoooopid and insensitive in general....what if this was some kind of retaliation? I mean Im a little apprehensive about babbling on about the tragedy in a seemingly insensitive way but how the hell did a house get sucked away by fire so completely, too rapidly for an entire family to escape? .... Is it just because this is the kind of cheap plastic crap, zero craft that goes into building homes as rapidly as the contractors rip land out of hands of farmers these days? Even if a propane tank went off? Is this common for new homes? Probably-but the news people never mention such details, rarely anyway...brb

There should be a way to compare lottery's daily numbers with the number of times combinations come up. 911 surprisingly happens a whole lot more than 999, or 666...this comparison would reveal what a sham the lottery is, how in a digital age "random" numbers no longer really exist in the state's digitalization of their games...brb.

How We Decide Who's in Charge

It's a joke. Illusion is one thing, but the perversion and corruption that follow reveal themselves in the next stages. Institutionalizing "too big to fail"  is just a nice way of saying: what a bunch of jabba the sheep hut, sloppiness that is so entrenched in the basic utility of everything....it will rip your head off if you dare question it. I am the headless horseman. I am the walrus.

Imagine? The creeping feeling of schmiegels sniffing out your next move, an dthen in time using thei rpower to drive you, so their predictions look like their great instinct when in fact...the world is run by scum for the most pasrt at tis point? I must be in denial to be hopeful...is just selfish, wanting to go out happy? Imagine having a shot at miraculously turning your long decades of bad luck into something wonderful for yourself. But then abruptly, suddenly it's all taken away based on some gossip run amok...imagine if your doctor sent you away, and then called all doctors in area to say youre too dangerous to be allowed in the office....forget whether it's true or not..I'm still talking about this because it takes on a life of it's own...Im required to ride it, try to bridal it in fact and turn it into some kind of insight or understanding...that is all I have...and I am so resnetful of this that...that's why I run on atthe mouth...fascinated by how incredibly small minded people are...like City Counscil woman Christine Quinn last sunday at some commemoration, FREAKING out over a 7 letter word. Over the word "pharaoh" she acted like she wanted to have someone arrested. An dwhen they weren't removed(?) she stormed out, as if in her own little world...we're all capable of acting this way...I've devoted the past 20 years of my life to finding justice for the beating I got...but really what I want is for one person to honestly get why it matters to everyone so much more than just me....This is what scares me....I did nothing to Jane Kartsch...It would be my dream for her to simply admit this, and the apology that would follow...would mean nothing to me...but she needs to come clean.....there's some work worth doing, in slapping the shit out of the crooked path being paved....Who's turning West Point into a target, as if some palace of exploitation, to sensationalize, like the circus mentality to selling billet and bullet. Where was the hitler museum at West Point? It's just too sick....fuck the stupid men and women who have driven this country into bankruptcy and sit back watching counterfeit money with malicious intent directed at the US...we have to be better at admitting how DISGUSTING Americans can be. Blogs are probably only a couple of years away from censorship...Im sure someone has written an algorithm for solo universe...where a laptop publishing will only appear to be www. In fact the personal "security" questions will be ways to turn into putting us all in our own little boxes....

Jane? Would you like to see me write this way as a citizen of China? No of course not. The important thing is that the pathetic pointless secrets and lies are kept hidden so as to pretend to save face. THAT is the cure for poverty right there. In a nutshell. We do it to each other...we hurt each other. I want to shuv everyone of these letters via my keyboard into Janes mouth so make her choke on them...5 years of my life I lost! SO what is considered "normal" behavior in reacting to having a phony police report created in my name for the sole purpose of disparaging me to co workers. What would be considered "dangerous" behavior?  I dare you Jane Kartsch. Admit the truth and watch what happens. If god himself whispered in Jane's ear "Surrender", truly let it (your lie, your secret) go to only then truly relax" Just do it. It will be the greatest orgasm of 1000 heaavens through your body and so you will be rejuvinated into becoming 10 years younger...let it go Jane. Let it go." She is too stupid....that is dangerous in fact...Im sickened by the thought of how many poeple there are like this...total cowards.... Home of the brave my ass.

Foreign interests, just general arm sales stuff I guess, has left even West Point at the Mercy of a Director who's genre is mostly comedy obviously...I alwasy wanted to believe that West Point realy did know what was best. What it was doing...or at least capable of being self deprecating...who the fuck is Vincent Viola? When did they start letting thugs into West Point?  When baseless, and now counterfeit money became the rule? I wanted to believe that West Point reepresented the reality that the horror will always exist and it's irresponsible to pretend otherwise, what happened?

Jane Kolonoscopy

One neighbor is moving out, and how great would it be to buy a cheap property,  pay for it by doing incredible yoga classes with maybe 3-4 poeple. But neighbors like to "tell" on each other when they fight an ddn't get along...just trying to achieve that simple basis for financial security, enough to quickly move on, and up to bigger and brighter ventures...but it's always cut down by the most base, ridiculousness...THAT is where poverty comes from...THAT is bullying...and for calling people on it for the past 20 years, THAT is why IM not so incredibly propular....at times I think the most hated person on the planet...the neighbor below me told me he hears me walk, move in a chair....I hear him too...but for him it's torture and I think he looks at me as if he can't stand me because we're sort of thrown together inadvertently, involuntarily, it's like a resnetment...

 Neighbors, family, the 6 degrees of seperation, 6 feet of personal space, living and dead....The vibe I feel from neighbors can at times make me feel ill. When I know I've done nothing but to try to be a good one....I so wanted to bake a neighbor a pie for my entire life, and I got to do it fo rthe first time when this doosh moved in about 1.5 ago....ya...IM writing because I need to tell him how uncomfortable he makes me feel sometimes. It's the plight of the single woman Im afraid. Perhaps not his fault that no matter what I do he looks at me like the crazy older lady who would probably beg him for attention etc....I want to hurl because of the meer thought...the erroneousness of it is what at times makes me feel looking forward to not having to ever be inflicted by such stupidity ever again....one can hope....

Anyway, all Jane Kartsch had to do was say "I'm not sure why I thought it was my place to make sure you had as much trouble as possible during your yoga training thanks to the false police report. Im so sorry. I don't know what would possess me to act like such a despicable human being. People like me create a true need for the use of a word like cunt to adequately describe how murderously I acted...for no reason...I just don't knwo what came over me, maybe being a reject as a child, I don't know...but IM sorry. Now let's go make some money, and make the world a healthier place shall we?"

A colonoscopy is an assault upon the human body. Thats why they wait till your 50. SO they can feel less guilty about paying their mortgage with your precancerous life....Colonoscopy was invented by the haniballecter evil twin of normal person psychokiller inside....it's a goddam crime... brb (Im in so much pain, it took my mind off the subject)

77? 78? Montauk? Jones? Gilgo?

I can't believe I don't remember when and exactly which beach that leap photo was shot by my dear friend Tracy. I went to a small high school so it's not saying very much when I say no one else in my school could do that with their body...from the age of 16 I had an understanding of and love for the moving body...I remember in the early 80's spastic women with out any natural ability  introduced things like "certification" and licensing as a forum in which they could compete only because their lawyer/professionally over paid spouses could afford to someone how legitimize these people who had no knack for this sort of thing....I was wrong to not take them seriously...as they obviously took over the whole shabang...now healthclub owners are bulemix who are all about the superficial image...thats why the industry is so cut throat...oh...I dont feel like going into this right now...but I was momentarily thrilled by the stats...am I actually being read? Or are spies just hunting and fishing for vulnerabilities to destroy and sabotage my liofe worse than its already been?  I guess my point is look what god gave me and KNOW you will never have the joy Ive known...effortlessly, without even trying..."a natural" pissed on and over because like JOni sings "the jealousy, the greed is the unraveling its the unraveling, and it undoes all the joy that COULD HAVE BEEN"....

IN other words instead of asking me to teach....jealous assholes who simply want you out of the pic-thats what the world has turned into....and look! I can talk about it! It's a great day to be an American....but stupid fckn politicians like Christine Quinn (yesterday or today?) storm off as someone calls Bloomberg "Pharoah Bloomberg"...so what!!! What is insulting about calling someone with a royal title, I mean technically its more of a compliment if taken literally....but these MORONS....who would throw away the  power of free speech....omg.... another brb....I'll try to explain this better later...

Seriously. News? Lost in Space?

WABC 7 Eyewitness News: "Teenagers are drinking hand sanitizer to get drunk from the high ethyl alcohol content..." It was stunning. It feels like Farenheit 541 mind surgery...and now when I try to blog what I write just disappears thanks to "the new look" blogger needs to flaunt in my face while trying to stay focused as you write, and cook, and stay on track, efficiently juggling a few things....everything is such a mind fuck...children are actually drinking hand sanitizer? Or is that just Bill Beutelle? wtf There must be some connection between the time and attention their parents prefer to spend on screwing me up some new way and and the traumatic loss of another broken relationship. Hand sanitizers. Imagine being the parent of a 12 year old girl who shakes hands with her mouth 12 times a day, and drinks hand sanitizer? Does this behavior actually exist? Or would the media have us despising each other, despising ourselves as part of this space travel?

Same bat channel, a story about a guy using an apple peeler against her cheek then eating the skin. I guess I should turn the TV off. Cynthia McFadden is a goddam bully, with an obsession on sexual subjects, and tonight she is introducing a "Bill" that will shut down some hug aspect of internet freedom...because in her little over salaried world, that's her appointed function. The real story would be about that person who magically makes evaporate any discussion about Ron Paul and whoever writes the same "copy" that all US anchors read verbatime...luckily for them we the people are critical massing on hand sanitizer.

The Dog Bisquit Chapter

You can feel it. It jumps out at you while you're wondering if it's the CIA or the store manager going through a divorce and then it doesn't actually matter...or does it? One day it does. One day it doesn't. The only constant is everyone is full of shit for the most part.

I'm sure it's a good read. Just as I'm sure my body is going to beach itself soon...if dolphins were to beach themselves in New Mexico a few might talk about it for a day or few...barely...Im not going all armageddon, just so overwhelming to see the numbers of people who don't clean up after themselves well populate like an invasion frankly...imagine westchester a week without a stitch of toilet paper or running water? Cheetos prozac and viagara overflowing from the toilets...because it's just where it's all heAded...

Ive felt incredible balance in my endocrine system this month, the start of hot flashes (or the extrememe heat(?) month or so ago ahs all but disappeared since Ive been practcing everyday day more and more. Even after not having my period for about 6 months at all, it's suddenly making up for lost time on Earth Day funny enough...while trying to explain that to someone today I realized how completely mental the healing process is for the most part....

brb

Class Without a Teacher is Not Really Class

Every single time I hear the Bikram CD I either hear something I didnt before, or I hear it with new set of ears. Bikram's is certainly not a voice I feel like hearing these days, and yet it's the only thing that exists, that's available to me to try to practice optimally. All I have to use to try to simulate a daily class situation in order to turn it into a daily routine.....I have always understood the importance of going into a trance to take the hatha practice more deeply into the body, and that's impossible to do if you're talking to yourself about what posture to do next etc....so I use Bikram's voice to at least keep my mind as turned off as possible, and stay on track. I use his timing etc so I can concentrate on feeling, if only abstractly all my aches and pains, try to be with them in order to bring a healing consciousness...just by turning off my mind - but the hardest thing to do.

Someone actually threw this mini lasagna tray BBQ still smoldering in a Dam garbage can last week....

Old Age Every day could be my last...and you too btw.

Middle of the night while turning, it felt like a knife cutting thru my kidney (Im pretty sure I know about where my kidney's are)...it was like a lightning bolt every time I took a breath. I asked god to not let m ego just yet it hurt that much. Like an explosion inside, upper lower right back just below waste shooting thru from back to middle...because I couldnt breath very well I felt light headed and the pain never went away until about 7 am.

#JaneKartsch

Edward D. Dowling IV Attorney at Law | Edward D. Dowling IV

You should hire an attorney and disclose all the details. You could very well get in trouble for false report but an attorney may be able to keep you out of jail.

Answer Applies to: New York

Replied: 3/26/2012

Dear Jane Kartsch

• When A False Police Report Is Filed

  • Penalties for filing a false police report vary by state and by the type of crime described in the report. In some cases, the filer is only in danger of being charged with a crime if the local police and prosecutor decide to pursue the case and it is later discovered that the report was false. Some states have stricter laws and stiffer penalties, and false filers can be charged with either a misdemeanor or a felony. New York, for example, has three different statutes for filing a false police report.
    

  What Happens To The Accused Person

  • Being the victim of a false police report could have serious and damaging consequences. Even if the filer confesses, the charges against the person may not be dropped immediately. If a false police report is filed against you, the best thing to do is to hire an attorney as soon as possible to represent you. Your attorney will be able to help you sort through the legal options and offer the expert advice you need.
    

  If You Have Filed A False Police Report

  • The best thing to do in this situation depends on the circumstances and on the advice of your attorney. It may be best to simply tell the prosecution you have no interest in pursuing a case against the person you have filed the report against. Before you file a false police report against someone out of anger, think twice: there could be serious consequences for you and for the person who will be falsely accused.
    

Read more: Penalty for Filing a False Police Report | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/about_5422932_penalty-filing-false-police-report.html#ixzz1sjp6qGiu

Beating of Anastasio Hernandez Rojas Recorded on Cell Phone Video

Even when they die this thug piece of shit mentality is allowed to prevail. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJGI1FR3MPA

This stupidity has nothing to do with racism. So what if my beating seems minor in comparison. The fact that no one does anything for me-is indication of worse to come. I have been BEGGING every single friend, every single family member, every goddam person I meet at this point it seems to come up....but Im looked at as if something is wrong with mend I will curse you all until the day one of you hypocrits admits this. Recently on facebook I can believe how often people who I would hope know me, reduce my rantings to some kind of substance abuse, addict behavior problem. What a jump huh? Im beaten. I almost never even drink-no interest, I never have sex because Ive become such an impoverished ostracized reject...and Im not interested in fkn strangers etc....but these lowly whorish women WANT to see my once shining star on a level with theirs now. THis is one of those aspects of human behavior that is SO heartbreakingly common it makes me sloppy because it's so easily rememdied of poele would just use the brains god gave them. Incapable of recogniziizg the politics behind my plight...I realize this is probably what most people assume....I live in a society where people's frickin children are used to pay rent with bjs....but Im the problem? Really? Obviously NOT the case...Im suddenly fckn so glad I never subjected my kids to such bullshit world of crap....and it will be only if I win the lottery and get to take control...even then Im sure the thin blue line is waiting to do to me one day what they did to this poor man Hernandez.

Donna Mulhall

The photo of me above was taken by Charles Fairfax III from Sydney who also took photos of me doing bikram yoga on the beach es of Cancun in august 1993...previous to that I used to do it on my rooftops in NYC in summertime...you'll note my HB studio classmate Cindy Crawford did her "exercise" video on a rooftop after the fact....I alwasy mention shit like that because I cant believe all the things Ive done in my life, all the places Ive been, all the poeple Ive met...and Im so impoverished and despised for it...if I were rich they might hate me but they would pretend to love me....I guess thats my choice to prefer to know the truth...

Since thats' not her married name-only the people who know will know...check back tomorrow so I can explain to you why I DESPISE Donna B Mulhall because she represents from where we fell apart as stewards of this fantastic sleepy hollow that soon will be no more...welcome new asia....and a much more fine tuned cut throat animal approach to life. Where we laugh at our childhood friend's from our position of marrying rich....I tried to hold out fo rlove lol....and for that I get treated like a whore even tho I virtually never have sex...just because I ended up alone...its quite fascinating really...or at least it used to be when I was trying to figure it all out before it was too late. Sadly its too late. SO fuck you all :)

Did I mention how today I had the police called on me for trying to tell a woman not to let her dog p on the flowers (especially in front of the woman who complains standing right behind her?) Seriously? You WISH i was leaving something out.  She snapped at me to mind my own business and "Go take your meds" which did have me curse her out...but that last thing I PLEADED to her was "Why? What did I ever do to you?" I once cleaned off this woman's car years ago because supposedly someone had grafitied on her car....she and her lobotomoto boyfriend just stood there watching me figure out how to get it off...thats when I realized HE had done it....she's another munchhausen by proxy type....

Funny thing is this woman looks like Jane Kartsch's uglier than ugly twin sister (not kidding) and I think subconsciously I see them as one lol...Jane is capable of murder because of what she did to me, the most sophisticated form of slow financial ruination at a certain point in any aging person's already screwed up life, so easily ends up in the classic gun 2 MY head scenario...or so she wishes...it just amazes me how impossible it would be for her to simply apologize, more than how or why she was allowed to get away with fabricating a police report...I never bother talking about how even though I'd had ZERO contact with her in any way shape or form for 18mos-2 years, pretty much 5 years really but 8 mos after the first police report when she read it for first time, and accused me of "altering it" in an email to Bikram HQ, she filed another police report that was written by a friend of hers obviously...nothing came of it...but again more exagerated lies...oh! I do not mean a second incident, I mean she had the first re - written! And included the description of me using curse words I got in trouble for using at my training....it's too sick...that's why it's beyond courts...it needs Walter Cronkite. TWO!!!! Police reports and I'd had zero contact with her...the ONE email sent on dec 6th that (even) Jane's lawyer acknowledges in letter (posted on my fb) was cc'd to Shelly Kompel at Bikram HQ and others had a slim fine looking me in yoga outfit from the neck down saying "look what I did!!!! I lost 54 pounds!! (how can you do this to me!!!" in an email...yet her LAWYER says because she could only see my FARMY sportsbra and not my face she feared for her life and so just HAD to file a police report in an attempt to take it to the level of restraining order...JUST to piss on my already pissed on name....the yoga had healed me so miraculously an dyet the yoga "teachers" act carelessly, hatefully, with the sensitivity of southwest border patrol on Hernendez Rojas.

Thank you Leon Panetta for today (4/22/12) acknowledging how often people try to have people classified as "crazy" simply to bully them out of their justice....I will have my justice Jane, along with your apology, which I will never accept. God can forgive you if he wants. I just need to forget about you. I look at the cellulite, I feel my hardening of the arteries...it ALL reminds me of you...polar bears dying, 900 dolphins dead, directly or indirectly ALL stem from lying coward pieces of shit like you on the planet. Is your yoga class still as long winded, dialogue-less, horrible timing, zero rhythm, zero empthay, zero ability as it was in '06?

omg! I was cralwing around in the dumpster outside of Mrs Green's a few weeks ago-right near Jane's Bikram Yorktown studio...holy crap...Mrs Green's throws away so much great food...and yet if Jane saw me grabbing food from the dumpster she would cal police and make up some reason to get me in trouble...can you picture it? I'd have been questioned, and if I showed the slightest sign of frustration, or eye rolling etc, and I had a cop having a bad day....wow....that's the society I live in and we pretend their are no jobs...backstabbing, sabotage, rapes at west point....who knew? those girls were classified as all crazy too Jane...It's funny really-I rarely talk about actually having been raped by a man I was working for who slipped pills in my champagne in early 90s....because that doesnt even come close to the rape Jane Kartsch committed on me.

I asked the DA's office to please not let her get away with it. I tried to explain how she'd screwed up a $12,000 yoga training by using the fake report as an example for the Bikram people to see how "dangerous" I was...I have that conversation on tape too. My god I have so many hours of video I need the backing of a major film studio to pay a team of editors to go thru it all and decide which unbelievable shitting on the US Constitution is more entertaining than another...

Practice Makes Imperfect

My body is so inflamed my feet are swollen in pain. I had heart attack feeling thru chest neck and arm, shocking stabbing pain thru gut that's gotten worse since stupid colonoscopy (crime against humanity bs-nothing is meant to go 20 feet inside you lik ethat without risking rupture and air getting into places to CREATE cancer so these idots ca have enough business..doctors are ;like cops actually. No incentive to fight actual crime and in turn themselves out of work, doctors too need a certain numer or victimes too and how lucky for them there are plenty...the question is are they in fact really always sick? We know the answer is no more often than we'd like to acknowledge and yet reality scares poeple so much they prefer the charade.

My practice is just starting to feel like it counts as much as Ive trained myself to remember to believe in these days of mass obesity. I hit 200 pounds again Jane...at my age its almost impossible to care anymore...yet the concrete that sets in from sitting too long hurts-so i plug away...no great expectations. but a tiny glimmer of hope once in a while my sickly body will heal....My eyesight is shot, I was told my urine  showed dehydration last year but they never explained what they meant mo ethan that....because I do drink a shoitload of water everyday... fees liek I have a new headache everyday...my back started to relax for first time around injury this week as I found myself trying to relax somewhat syccessfully...but then the fear of no being able to walk again keeps them tense in a way where my entiure abdomen has dropped into a frckn gut :( Ive never known b4 whie at the same time it feelslike IM having a stroke with this shooting sharp pain thru brain....Im dead within th eyear...so IM living everyday as if its my last...can ya tell?

MARCEL BOBE STILL NEEDS TO EXPLAIN ALONG WITH THE COWARDLY CREW AROUND HER WHO PRETENDED NOT TO HEAR HER VIOLENT OUTBURST

It's on video tape and everyone heard it! Last 9/6/11 at a Peekskill City Schools meeting Marcela Bobe said "I dont care if teachers in Rye get shot! This is Peekskill!" [quote] No one DARED speak up. Why? Ball-less hypocrits were at the time discussing why students get mixed messages! No joke! I called and spoke with the School superintendent's sec day after I heard this and she said "I know!" She was flummoxed by it too! Everyone is afraid of everyone coming after their job! Being fired for pissing off the wrong idiot. THAT is our ONLY real issue. If we want answers? Practicing HONESTY, at least trying, is the only true answer, only thing that will bring true balance. Messy yes! But if we dont take the chance the fallout from all the lies is 1000 times worse. Too many people all at once, too rapidly, no matter color of skin, no matter what country they come from is BAD. So why do we have to keep pretending quality of life is plummeting?There are racist idiots who dont know any better, but between the lines we will find it's almost always about threats to financial security...and this is valid to comp[lain about! But opportunists like Bobe, who envision a better world with artificial life support for dime a dozen people who have no more a "dream" than to one day save up money for the most wasteful shallow life..,pretending every single person has SO much to contribute, loving innocent angels that don't procreate like goats, gimme a break...everyone craps! and there is TOO MUCH CRAP IN OUR ALREADY STRAINED SEWAGE SYSTEM! I've watched MY BIRTHPLACE slowly get turned into a giant sprawl of parking lots for people to toss their used pampers onto. Sometimes with the babies in them...and you want e to keep my mouth shut?

Sunday on some TV show the GP Latina Rep was complaining about "all the poverty in the Hispanic communities" and how irresponsible we all are for letting this happen etc etc....

ENOUGH!!!!

Stupidty, Hypocrits and Liars Rule. Why?

I just wasted my time writing this "comment" in reaction to a "Patch" article about "Westchester Youth Turning April 20th on it's Head" and it was too long...so I will go out on the limb and post my borderline xenophobic rant here (it's not xenophobic as it is concerned about too rapid population growth an the hypocrisy of counterfeit money, Reagan's amnesty of millions of mercenary soldiers from the Iran Contra tragedy etc...It's no accident that the power to grow our own food has been taken away gradually over the years, and as much as Bill Gates would LOVE ya'll to believe his "foundation" slogan "That every SINGLE human on the planet matters" it's ALL a numbers game! Bill Gates bought into Monsanto because his vision is one of billions of minions over which he gets to rule...Educate your lazy ass selves on what Monsanto has done to the American Farmer! Connect the dots (even tho its probably already too late).

Thank God Im not the only one with a sarcastic comment. My heart sunk when I read this ridiculous article and then was restored when I saw my fellow Westchesterians chiming in on the hypocrisy of our politicians ALWAYS catering to the most retarded, the most mediocre, the most full of crap people in our communities.... STOP! Just Say Nothing! Is better than Just Say Safety in Numbers=Power.

 The entire "Partnership for a Drug Free America" campaign from the late 80's early 1990s was sponsored fro the most part by the pharma companies....The same film production companies that made music videos were PAID to make "This is your brain on drugs" etc ads. BUt look at the abuse of those drugs? Not a chance, and why? BECAUSE OF THE POWER OF WHOEVER HAS THE BIG MONEY. I once "temped" for pharma and I was shocked by the amount of time and money they could afford to waste on the most pointless, unnecessary work. They hire the most delusionally mediocre people, who "feel" important because they are so overpaid. In fact pharma has become the epitome of what most people would envision as the classic "drug dealer" only instead of some seedy pimpy character, they hide behind a conservative front. Recently some kids from Mahopac were saying their town was becoming Night of the Living Dead because of prescription drugs in circulation.

I truly believe with all my heart that the propaganda put upon marijuana for all these decades goes hand in hand with individuals ability to farm their own food. In effect fall off the military-oil-industrial complex  band wagon that has the majority of the population believing all that matters is that one has a job-not your place to question the politics of the company you sign your soul over to because you have too many kids etc....my point is basically that although legalization of marijuana IS an answer to ALL our nations financial crisis MORE IMPORTANTLY the idiots who create this bs campaigns using tax payer money no less are the real problem. In other word the LIES are ironically so easily fixed by putting just a little ballsy intelligence out there. The science for example! How many people will put a new born baby in a house with newly polyurethaned floors? Consider the infinite amount of toxins in the air we breath, the chemicals we throw around for the sake of convenience...thing sthat actually require learning new words, terminology, educating one's self...the politicians dont like to "bore" anyone...and they get so much mileage on the "Dare" CRAP to this day....an entire generation brainwashed into a soul-less corporate America...Sounds paranoid to say this maybe, but Monsanto business wouldnt want anyone to get rich from selling "herb" as easily as we sell alchol to each other because then the farmers could stand up against the SPRAWL! OVERPOPULATION is our NUMBER ONE PROBLEM...perhaps too late to do much about it, but when I see 20 hispanic kids get off at ONE bus at a bus stop yesterday, not 1/4 mile from the elementary school in the same town where it used to be safe for me to walk I see a problem for what it is NOT because I am in anyway xenophobic! Like a peaceful gradual invasion on our natural resources is taking place because we're too busy with these cookie cutter bs issues politicians safely discuss as the problems grow...no one can afford to live hear anymore because of the COST of taking responsibility for the rest of the world...if marijuana we're legally traded people from impoverished countries all over could stay home instead of sending billions away etc....last 9/6/11 at a Peekskill City Schools meeting Marcela Bobe said "I dont care if teachers in Rye get shot! This is Peekskill!" QUOTE!!!!!!! No one DARED speak up. Why? Ball-less hypocrits we're discussing why students get mixed messages! THAT is our ONLY real issue. HONESTY bring true balance. 2 many people ALL at once no matter color of skin is BAD. Pretending "pot" is a big deal is the real crime. Gov Cuomo has to appease these idiots for the status quo-2 bad. WAR ON STUPIDITY and BS instead of "drugs". Just Say Know.

Make Time to Waste Time

Watching a fascinating speed poet named jonah lehrer author  of  books I MAG INE and How We Decide in an interview with Chas Rose about how human creativity....and the words rang so true it felt like a total body massage that allowed me to relax somewhat...To accept that sad fact I didnt do any exercise today....noga

The way he used precise medical terminology to talk about the brain and how each location (he only mentioned 2) related to its behavior and name simultaneously made me feel an ability to connect with a feeling of brain chemistry that could change my mood or focus to be more beneficial to my health for example....hard to explain as I don't even remember the name of the part of the brain area in the back of the right hemisphere he mentioned that was so fascinating, where our processing of jokes, comprehension of metaphors etc takes place...but really it was like he was describing prayer, or meditation.

He talked about how there's really no such thing as a new idea, and how old ideas that are the same as new ideas further apart in our evolution. It was so poetic and comforting. To take that time to be quiet observer, searching perhaps and yet we can feel it when we're connected to something greater than just ourselves and know we made the right choice if we're surrendered to another dimension for lack of a better word.

People who are in a relaxed state of mind are much more likely to have creative insight. When we're not relaxed we're consumed by the noise the world, just cant get past it to turn to the quiet voice coming from the back of our head giving us the answer-but most of the time people don't take it as seriously as the counterfeit money that has been designated sacred tool more than food....it's not an overstatement to say people never take the time to listen

Einstein said "Creativity is the residue of wasting time..." or something like that. But our society has turned into one in which we celebrate and empower the most vile people all based on the numbers from bank accts, as if anyone can't connect the obvious dots as we're so mentally and emotionally pasteurized thru our educational system.  But there is a simple fix to be found, and the crazy vast  insurmountable problems we now have in our world far excede the capabilities of what one person can take on alone, he said so then we have to learn to survive together or die alone...

I lno longer have any idea, oh now I remember I was going to talk about how the HHHS art teacher once told me that it was criminal that I emulated Richard Merkin's dog painting....what a society of nazi fascist instinct to hurt one another....brb