Cherry

Cherries are in season, once again...and as usual I can't afford even a bag...I will probably find some way to scrounge together somehow at least a handful...but Imagine? If I say something liek that to someone who can afford to grab a couple of bags without a second thought, they will try to go over my budgeting skills with me....people are so ridiculous...just dont get it...I have a neighbor lady in building next door who lies awake at night worrying about the onc time every 3-5 years she finally finds dog crappings near her yard and so she can blame me...that is to say, when she's not telling people about Jesus her lord and savior. Below me, literally, I have this small subtly effeminate scottish man who was actaually sweeping the tiny amounts of dirt on his patio that may have fallen from my potted flowers...I was for the first time in years relaxing and gardening a little bit, untwisting the morning gloroes from growing on top of one another....so quietly focused, barely moving, sitting on a tiny stool...and suddenly I hear this doosh below me sweeping, while the rain is pouring down no less....what kind of man does that? Made me realize why I was so infatuated with the last one....a real man....even with his dumb moments...his manly priorities made me feel safe or something....hard to explain...but he made me realize what a bunch of pussy men Im surrounded by.....who the fuck marries a woman who supposedly gives him a black eye for talking to a previous wife he has kids with? What kind of sinister blackmailing, mind game playing society do we have? Remember that old movie The Suicide Club? It was a girl named Nicole Kennedy who told me about it in 1993...right Nicle? Or was it your bff visiting from Florida? But bothe of you were like "Omg..u havent seen it?"

We kill each other...saying it doesnt fix it....this is the source of any person's depression...If I allow myself a tiny bit of hope that maybe I could instantly fix my financial problems and dream up 100 more great ideas for other people to buy homes on....it will only keep getting worse....because people, even fkn Bikram, are too stupid....to just Let it Be....to have just let it be....if I say my knee comes apart without even walking...on it's own...this makes Bikram feel vindictaed....because human beings shouldnt be allowed to compalin when theyre being unjustly mentally toryred? RIGHT JANE KARTSCH YOU GODDAM SHIT KUNT OF A HUMAN BEING? Will Cybe bully law have a grandfather claus? Thats what Im going for...one more week of being FREE to speak mind....fuck all of you. I want o post this photo I took of myself with Brian Ross last night but I look so shockingly fat...I dont want to be seen this way...I dont want to leave house anymore...as if there is no point...as if dangerous....I look like Im begging for mercy..crazed eyes...sucky skin...fat fat fat....so sad when I smile u can almost see a little bit of once was pretty....but there's no point....I cant afford cherries....who the fuck kill's themselves when they got to have babies? Mayeb the babies turned out to be horrible little robots too....