My first reaction was to want to talk about why people should protect Kennedy from the certain to come unfair, imbalanced scrutiny that is sure to come. Although I do still fell that way, I heard him say, on TV anyway, something that infuriated me. It made me remember that, other than my mother just barely a week before, Robert F. Kennedy Jr was the first human being ever to speak the insulting words to me "You should seek professional help." This for showing up for a scheduled, a planned date and time to have coffee. A meeting for what I truly believed to be an opportunity to show him I was a trustworthy and credible person so he would want to help me with the Deborah Moore Beating Case. I went shopping at Macy's in White Plains the day before for fuck sake...check out my witness: The store manager there at the time, late summer or fall 1993, who I had confessed to that I had once switch a price tag for an item of clothing so I could afford it and how guilty I felt because I loved Macy's so much....the guy discounted already discounted stuff to major percentages off.. God I love Macy's and I STILL owe them $200 I never paid off on my first (and only) Macy's credit card.....Im just trying to say that even though I was HOMELESS and squatting in a fucking restaurant in Harrison at the time, I was far from despairing because I was still the princess even without money....although Kennedy had major testosterone that felt almost sexually irresistible, I was focused on trying to get him to see the injustice of what had happened to me so he would see how he could help me...so no fucking around never happened and wasn't the plan...but being a young attractive woman at the time (and obviously still naive) the circle of people, everyone from Cronin to his first wife were peeking in at us talking, as if the alarms were going off...I tried to just remain neutral and not judge...anyway my point is he seemed that he understood how unfair everyone could be..but I never really had the time to prepare him for the crazy stories and so never felt comfortable just blurting it out...I was hurting no one, but the bullying (mostly if not totally) came from Cronin to the point where a fight between he and I got back to Bobby, and when I called to tell my side he didnt even want to hear it...the first thing he said was "Please just go find help. Do not ever call back again!" To his credit he did give me an opportunity to explain, and it was a year later when I used Douglas's name to get past the receptionist that he made it clear he was pissed beyond repair...then crazy funky shit started to happen...coincidence Im sure...but Kennedy Power is as Star Wars huge as it gets...like their own CIA lol...I really believe that...and so what, good for them they can protect themselves to the best of their ability...
So it pisses me off that he would resort to saying to news cameras "she had emotional problems" when that has always been my peeve, how those are too often the words people choose out of time convenience, simply because they've decided they're past giving a shit...he apologized but it happened again within the year...because that's what happens with all busy people and you dont matter enough 2 them. So I got over it...But I remember a weird happening with a trooper named kennedy within a month or so) that felt coincidentally threatening enough to make me wonder how enormous the machine is that is in existence to always keep Kennedies all powerful...because it sounds so paranoid-that's why you cant even talk about it-shit they could kill me for being sloppy and selfish and STUPID enough to blab my crap on and on like this but thats what Ive been reduced to. I would never believe in a million years Bobby would physically hurt a mother of his kids in a way that would hurt the kids, and is too spiritual a person to not be haunted by something like that etc....But most people, or many people are capable of resorting to easy way outs...Ive been left with enough nothing to drown myself in.....but I guess thats where I too am a little suicidal I guess...physical tolls are taken where you just get burned out by the stupidty...did Jane Kartsch get some of her intel via other yoga lawyers from Pace ? (Answer oh yes. But I try not to make reference to the snatcheur). Its a small goddam world-Ive wondered about every possibility to try to understand who destroyed my life after the initial police beating...this was how BULLYING became my word to describe the childish way wealthy powerful adults around me would step on you like a bug...just like the coincidence where the night Mary was found dead, I wrote about the river turning into gelatin and then check that out...it did just that...Im sickened by it, not like I made it happen...more like another warning from god...how else are we supposed to talk to each other? WHy bother talking to each other...Bauby Bauby...Omg if anyone found me murdered and it looked even a tad like suicide, that would be a happy day for hundreds of people...how scary is that...? Not scary when you realize who wants to live with peole like that anyway. But is that how Mary K felt? Or was she perhaps an unworthy neurotic ass underneath a great show? I only say that sarcastically because I tend to think she probably wasnt....also this is how terrorism will evolve.: Prominent people we look up to are easily set up as targets in frame jobs and set ups...thats why education is so important, or used to be anyway before we all started pretending anyone who has children gets automatic sainthood and overpopulation growth, the blatant cheapening of life is the main source of all that is wrong with the world-cheap life cheap decisions made by the most short sighted of us because they love money the most-thats all-the people most willing and ABLE to kill will always be good at maintaining their lives-nobody's saying nobody's toopid...just the big "all for what" question is all...for all I know Mary Kennedy was truly a wack job and hurt her own children behind the scenes...but probably not....If I were the head of Al Quida I would set up my enemies leaders with ugly feuding distracting finger pointing...so their base goes to shit...its no one's business but the family what happened to Mary...Both families...actually anyone who wants to know has the right to at least ask....questions always have answers....and even if someone takes 50 years to answer, they best start taking that time asap. Live life. Happiness...?
There are other less damaging ways to be more to the point than to have to launch innocent people into lalabellevueassumptionLand. I find it hard to believe that anyone BKennedy would marry would be capable of doing anything to hurt her children and self important enough to kill themselves even if wasted...what impressed me most about Bobby Kennedy was how down to earth and real he was in the very little amount of time I got to talk to him. How special and safe I felt (imagined myself to be) just from a remote association, Minutes that would probably barely add up to an hour or two in total, person or over the phone but I turned him onto Nick Drake :) ... So, but, Im not trying to imply I know shit about the man...just want to say a mild fuck you to him and suggest he show more respect to his wife's memory. Leave it alone? I hate secrets. I hate bullshit. I hate not knowing why I was robbed of everything that could have been since January 11, 1993.
The stupid way that just because I was a woman Cronin reduced me to a groupie looking to get laid etc...THAT closedmindedness is in direct relation to why DJ Henry was shot and killed, why Kenneth Chamberlain was shot and killed...I was trying to make people see that color and race has less to do with it all, then the plain old, sheer love of violence...just as men like football and boxing and pretend rape isnt a part of sexual drive deep down inside of human natural behavior-why be carfeul with sex when their are Pampers that need to be manufactured and sold as many as possible to make those in power already more rich because they're too busy being that disconnected... "Profiling" is an excuse word...it distracts from finding better ways to vent our hatred...Black History month? I never had a racist bone in my body until I started noticing the people who destroyed my life (cept Jane Kartsch) have all been black....just today neighbors steal my last $20 and you see them, and you confront them and they will kill you for it of you push to hard..It snot like I want to fight with them-butthe irony asks to be recognized sometimes man. Its not something Im gonna get into but I resent not being allowed to explore my very REAL experience getting in touch with my own ability to turn into a racist-why not? because we have to pretend hot headed black people don't abound, usually LOOKING for a DISAGREEMENT most of the time? At least half the time...its so pathetic I simply pray to get me th ehel away from their ghettos...living amongst the poor in NY most of my adult life...a bunch of stupid, violent, shortsighted uneducated, indiffernt often time soul-less killers...FACT...I'll never forget when JFK Jr was once quoted as saying "Poor people are stupid" and got in trouble for that...when it's SO very much so the most goddam accurate truth....but all the happy white town folk dont live with it so they'd be quick to call whiners like me "racist" for babbling, venting about the REALITY they're buffered from. When I grew up in Croton I was practically made to feel guilty there were not equal numbers of black students, all I can say now is THANK GOD it was exactly as it was. Im far from being stupid enough to believe it has anything to do with skin color-and know its all to do with evolution of human intelligence and how bitterness, backwardness of black community will be the end-just like original planet of the apes and the small percentage of fantaitic african americans (in comparison to the whole of 17 year old getting present as we speak) know this is true-nothing to do with color-just too many doughnuts on the kidneys and brains...... However all races at this point, everyone will have a hand in the undoing...think of what the universe would look like Jupiter would be wearing giant gold dangles and space would be counterfeit YvesSTLauent background image....gas guzzling explorers would be the goal-because thats human nature...we've taken for granted for too long how precariously its been so cush for so long...damn Ive been lucky in my life in spite of everything.........Im sick of it ALL THE BULLSHIT....sorry bobby but I was disgusted when you (and I think youre sister) used the cop out words "emotional problems" to MILLIONS of people who will see that. Bullshit when people say there doesnt have to be stigma attached to accusations of being "crazy".when THERE ALWAYS GODDAM WILL BE WHEN PROMINENT PEOPLE ARE THE ONE'S MAKING THE DECLARATION!!!!!! .I was jokingly once referred to as "Crazy Raina" by Chris Webber in 5th grade now that I think of it however. But that was because I was really funny - or at least how it seemed to me..let's ask him! Hey Chris? Did you think I needed to see a psychiatrist when we were 11? - Raina Mugs
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