This may sound ridiculous, ...but as Im dying I want to grab at this in case it does ad up...Willy Nelson and Neil Young (favorites of mine both) ...everyone knew better than to try to mix the farmers with hippies..Neil was a far as they might get away with..Willy too for that matter...It was my idea to create the database to connect farm stands, markets, and restaurants to boost commerce to the CSAs throughout NY...I met every goddam one of them just about (enough anyway) based on the FARMY tshirts. I drove to hundreds of farms and shook hands...formed a sort of pitchfork militia...and bunch of ol republicnas most of them...but hurting, and I guess open as a result (Except for one gentically modified corn farm I almost got kiled on by a pregnant woman with a rifle...crazy shit my life has been thru...but the point...what was the point? Oh ya How it ois that Ive been a part of great happenings in my day and yet Im penniless, cant even afford the gas to go to dog park today....I set up a datebase for my hs class and take the liberty of linking their names in text with their pictures (as many as I could set up anyone-lots of work I ended up having robbed out from under me...again this was 1993, a year before even original HFB I think...Not saying FB was my idea, but I was combining softwares in 93 to include individual accts to write on message boards, and an overall feeling of communication 24/7... First classmate I pissed off had the nerve to take 100s of my scanned photos and set up same name using .net a year later....How do people live with themselves...I get no recognition-fine, but why the bullying? Why with the sabotage? Why when I might have something good happen for me it gets shot down? killed by who exactly? Why exactly? Why am I so detested? (Before I started walking the online when it doesnt matter anymore that is...)
Basically my FARMY tshirt idea was conceived in Dec. 89 or actually probably Jan 90, when I had to figure out a way to wear this fantastic, lovely hanging soft cotton Champion ARMY tshirt my brother had given me for Christmas that year. I originally used a sharpie, wore it for years, touching it up after so many washes...was ashamed to wear it because of the Gulf war otherwise. The poetry stuck, I embraced the word, although it wasn't until I met Bobby Kennedy that it occurred to me farmers and environmental activists could be friends...I wanted to impress him...so from Saugerties NY I sent a certified letter (have copies of it all to this day) with the original design of the shirt. People think its as easy as picking a font....I put hours and in fact years into perfecting exactly how far away the F needed t be from the A in order for it to work. Cut to the point here, I dont even know if he ever saw it, but that's the thing with Kennedies and ideas, there are so many spies and interlopers that godd ideas grow legs...I can't remember if it was before Steve Solo began working for the Dept of Ag or actually IM pretty sure it was after....but anyway...I didnt mind playing crazy girl from far away...liek I said I was still young and I had no idea I would never get my justice...I felt reassured just knowing that I had am acquaintance in Bobby for a short time. A coupe of phone calls and he was always polite and made me feel like he liked me somewhat...I wasn't embarrassed to share with him that I was flat broke and I'd babysat for a few high profile families at that time...I wanted to be closer to him so he would think I was worthy enough to fight for, because of the beating case...and I liked him so much I didnt want to risk scaring him away by just coming right out with it..but the point is surfing on Kennedy soundwaves is fun, but of course dangerous, shark infested...The first newstories about politicans being caught with their nannies started right after that...barely a month after I'd told Lilyan S about the ruffie rape (also Jan 90) some poor Kennedy got dragged thru some kind of rape trial... but the coincidences have less to do with me than the machine known as Kennedy life support system I think...I guess...I would once in a while try to explain to a close friend how surreal it was to experience so many coincidences because it was wonderful really...but wow-just as I sound now...crazy still? So unfair....I kept journals there were so many..alwasy trying to be scientific about it..it did however change me for sure...probably did go a little lala....But it was the balance of abuse and hatred that made me realize most people were just jealous :) The chronic judgments of stupid people for too long would drive anyone to suicide...to bully anyone when the'yre alone... Better to get it straight when wrong person gets bullied than to take bigger things off course. ... It must be hell to be royalty, what a joke anyone thinks that they could keep up with all that goes on...damn Ive meandered away from my original point.
I wrote a ridiculous letter to the ELC along with the design, explaining why I thought the simple word had the ability to bring people at odds less at odds I doubt Bobby even ever saw it but sure someone did...I dont remember exactly...but the point ..and the only acknowdgement I ever got after all the years was from Dan Barber at Blue Hill who screamed at me from across the plaza "YOU! WITH THE TSHIRTS! GET OVER HERE! I WANT TO BUY EVERYONE OF THEM THAT YOU HAVE WITH YOU!" etc....He sat me in his office and made me feel like Picasso...I ate for free for almost a year....it was then in 2006 that I realized I had had some impact...when on the Rockefeller farm they were filling my gas tank to make sure I didnt run out before I made it to the station...I was looked out for...then it all changed without warning, suddenly it was all pulled from the cafe...and they knew how poor I was...I of course behaved badly when they told me just before xmas they would be pulling the hemp hats(!) Why was this happening? Too friendly, sabotaged? Too much. Im certain someone who didnt like me said something to want to make them sever ties...but they were such an awesome group of star poeple they let me down super gently, even compensated me for the ordered hats...very righteous. But why? Am I really that horrible? Imagine being told you can sell your design at the rock and then boom its taken away...some excuse about conflicting labels made sense...but one shot? NO GAS IN THE FUCKING CAR REMEMBER? My entire gd life spent like this, tarzanning from one amazing place to another only to be penniless and supported by family mostly? Like a crazy retard?
When my family lost our home I never really felt homeless. When I lived in the Harrison squat with a bucket as a bathroom I only felt a little bit homeless...I loved camping, and I was still young. Even at the age of 30, early 30s I was naive to still believe I was still making friends with anyone I met, but I did....My princess was full on intact, oblivious to the fact that no one even liked me very much well up to the age of, I guess it started to slowly sink in at 40...but honestly just getting it now...a decade later. brb I dont knwo what my point was anymore...oh ya thats right to gratuitously name drop in order to send out smoke signals...
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