WWMKD

The toughest thing for me about back injury is Im damned if I move, damned if I don't...as it flairs up even watching TV becomes painful...body hurts from too much stillness, so depressing to walk like an old lady, body falls apart every other which way from too much resting....maddening...on top of that I have squatty tatooed old lady gangy neighbors calling me "evil" because her rapist ass son ended up in jail this week, other ones talking about my "ass gonna get a beating! Not now but it's coming!" Because she heard about MY LIFE on youtube...Jane Kartsch, and Jackie and patty and Donna etc (bikram yoga teachers) are the type to instigate the dumbest, most likely to throw punches onto their side...so much hell created in my life ever since I tried to make a living as a yoga teacher....so much talk about suicide only makes me more pathetic since I never actually do it (and hopefully will not ever be taken to that place where there is no other escape)

But anyway this morning when I woke up and tried to turn over, a new problem has made itself apparent. I thought the hot burning shooting pain in middle of my breast was from laying on gathered sheets or corner of a pillow. As I tried to adjust I realized the only thing there was me, my flash, my breast, with it's inverted nipple that I had to pull out carefully with my fingers..I immediately thought about a friend named Lynn who opened my eyes to the signs and symptoms of her breast cancer years ago the burning she felt...a year before she died...

But of course Im back into my denial, perfectly ok without having health insurance and little more than the ridiculous "minority" birthing house in town they call a medical clinic down the street...It will make Bikram Choudhury SO happy to hear that his powerful karma is successfully beating up on mine...that my psycho blogging will stop soon enough hopefully...and everyone can go back to raping each other physically or emotionally without fear...

Shit there shoot sthe pain again :( This is new. Have to admit. Im a little scared...but forever amazed that no one has ever given a shit about me anyway...my body is decaying so rapidly, maybe this is why...Barley a year and a half ago I was a totally different person, relatively healthy, at least compared to this...all the weight Ive gained..up and down so many times surely has a lot to do with it....I will probably do what Lynn did...let it take me...asking why to the end. Lynn was much more forgiving then me though. I will also be SCREAMING fuck you everyone to the end.

Bikram Choudhury give my mother back the $6000 she gave you and shuv the other $3000 scholarship up your trisexual ass.