I'll Have a Draft?

I just read this note of a draft of a letter I was trying to write to Bikram when I took over the Titusville studio. Notice I deliberately never use the word "owner" because it was never about business for money and ownership or even control. My things isn't that I lost anything...My thing i sthat it waas ILLEGALLY and IMMORALLY more, taken away from me, so in the name of yoga-that's what Ive been tossed into...drowning in the lies of a bunch of feral people Ive had the misfortune of being vulnerable to my whole adult life...My whole "psycho" thing is to forever be asking why I couldn't have just been left alone. Ask why people have actively sought out to deliberately sabotage any chance of making a living for much of my entire adult life IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING the Deborah Moore Incident from when a lawyer was retained and papers filed against the NYPD. The name of the investigator from the Civilian Complaint Board's name was Cronin...and a year later when I had briefly met a new friend named Bobby Kennedy it was a man named Cronin who came between Bobby and me. I pissed him off in a meeting where I'd asked something stupid in his opinion, and for all I know it may have been...But the IMMEDIATE cruelty with which he came after me...it just makes sense that they would do background checks etc..who knows. Steve Solow put him in his place and drove me home when he realized I didnt have a car-perfect gentleman. Just like Bobby who seemed to take it all with a grain of salt, and was still kind enough to talk to me a few times, take my call for a while, ungil I was 100% stranded in the Catskills....that was the beginning of the financial imprisonment. Who wouldn't want to hire me? I could spot a trooper pinching a telephone battery from Radio Shack ON RECORDED SURVEILLANCE VIDEO and I would still be the one to get in trouble. Is it a gift? Cops want to kill me for being a wise guy? Smart ass? Or just smart?

I feel like Ive been walking that thin blue line like Philipe Pettit ever since 1993 beating by now sargeant Deborh Moore. Brian Wohl was her partner, he's in NC now hopefully googling his name and reading this too....Imagine all these corrupt poeple trying to kill me, knowing how easily they can get away with it, and on top of that Yoga teachers rob me of even that-my last chance at everything, anything really...nothing in the first place lol? No Bikram SO very much-perhaps jusyt like you right? Elvis and Jesus!  I don't write about anyone to embarrass them-even Jane. Im simply stating the FACTS.  My hatred for Jane comes from Jane..I dont hate John Cronin for just being a jerk, Im not sure what he may or may not have robbed me of....Im only wondering how my life went so horribly wrong....I wasnt born hating anyone...Reading this note, a draft of a letter, I wrote to Bikram in 2010 on my phone. Trying to get away from the thin blue line-had to go all the way to FL just to teach yoga when I was better at teaching than 75% of all the teachers at the time...now theyre all good a little bit because of me, I hear my words repeated in dialogue variations I know fro a fact to be mine...but the point is Im only being a weird blogging asshole now because I have no gas in my car! Im 51! My mother supports me at this point, Im completely fucked...Mary Richardson got knocked up around exactly the same time I once kissed Bobby. I remember hearing about the surprise wedding and doing the math...It was like people around him decided it could get messy if he wasnt safely married off, a lot could be at stake. I feel silly that I kissed him I guess. But it was hard not to. Major testosterone like a cloud. It was so exciting to be around him, amd it was like magic that he let me in for a little while espciallt because I was so incredibly destitute at the time-my mom had barely recovered from loosing the house working a few jobs living in Mt K with a doosh who hated me...I got booted out of my free upper west side artist space because I was a doosh to the landlord...nothing whatsoever happened between Bobby and me Im just saying it was so nothing and yet so amazing at the same time.... I was totally the one who planted kiss on him...but I remember laughing when I heard that some woman (mary) got pregnant right around 9 mos later she gave birth! I thought someone who was in a hurry to get knocked up just after his divorce? Hm. Cronin saw me as the scandal? Thought they were playing it safe...Dear John Cronin-I fantasize about wrapping my legs around the waist of truth and surrendering to it while it fucks my brains out...brb. I just made myself hot.