Today the front door lock is busted (2nd time this week) so I have to walk thru tall grass and mosquitos to get inside...The same "guest" neighbir who stole my 20, who stained the dryer was given teh same badly cut key she gives her "guests" every few months. They impatiently jiggle the hell out of it kicking it until its finally broken for everyoone...and the thing is...they dont bothetr to ever get their key re cut...they'll keep doing it and keep doing it...all the times Ive walked downstairs to let them in (mostly younger adults and I nicely suggest they get a new key cut,...we have no ability to buzz poeple in anymore because the people they rent from broke it so many times when they used to ive here...it never ends....and what pisses me off isnt the stupidty if they keep it amongst themselves, they will piss in on the stopp and if you complain about it that makes you a snitch lol...just start slapping man...
How weird was that when they (meaning the TV folk) played JackieO tapes (last year?) for the first time where we hear her diss MLK? How crazy was that? She seemed to have the impression that he was laughing at the funeral of JFK? Never thought to be a hallucinating woman right? Whether she was mistaken, or maybe it was true...the way the TV folk are so quick to white wash and pasteurize all information is more the problme...its like no one is allowed to blurt anything out, and then just fkn maybe end up seeing they were wrong? Apologizing...and eureka we get to be human...as opposed to this artivial life support of pteridish asexual nascar nation of 200 mph musical chair pointlessness...Jane Kunt would never apologize to me because her hope in life is to make sure I never get record straightened out....Hatre is colorless....to believe otherwise only means you have your own shit to work thru...and everyone is allowed to be stupid....everyome is allowed to evolve...problem is we have put a lid on this freedom for so long that if everyone starts exercising it at once, it could cause tidal waves...but you cant stop the oceans...
There is learned racism compared with actual, learned, occurrence, experience of the closedminded short sighted stupidty and hating...of course its not a good thing but why pretend its as simple as switching feelings on and off? I feel so bad for all these years of making fun of the white man for the sake of nothing more than the empowerment of, and another color of mistakes...its all hypocrisy, everyone is racist a little...just as everyone has stupidity moments...and to pretend otherwise is a disservice...of what seems to be a way of life for a whole lot of people who share small spaces, cant get it together to live in a house so entire extended family is in a 2 bedroom apt type situation....In the middle of an argument with my worst neighbor a couple of months ago I screamed at him "You're turning me into a racist!" The look on his face was so completely confused it was pretty hysterical when I think about it now. Because in that moment he knew, growing up across from me for 11(+) years, he knows I am not, or didnt used to be anyway, racist. I know racism is stupid intellectually because, well actually it depends on who youre talking with because...I mean in all my years, living in westchester, manhattan (for 8 years) other states, CA, FL, NC, Europe...I never had a racist bone in my body. But in this town, city...? I thought of a good way to describe it a little while ago, by realizing that it has been 10 years of, at times, a daily occurrence when someone has threatened me. I don't even know the name of the girl that destroyed the NEW dryer yesterday. But I do know that if I were to dare ask her what it is to try to fix the problem...I could be risking loosing teeth, or at least get a screaming at that would make anyone feel that was coming next (and if I talk to say Kathy W lol...she'll be like "Oh! Poor thing? Maybe a psychiatrist? As if she would make a better social scientist project out of the damage) I mean afterall..." So much hypocrisy, so much bs...and the only thing that has to change is proper recognition...This is the same chick who Im pretty sure got my $20 too...but look what she did. This was a brand new within the year dryer-now no one in the building can use it, and dare I say boo? I'd have police on me because they gang up on you and make up stories the...come on man Ive done my time! (Someone get me out of here?)
How weird was that when they (meaning the TV folk) played JackieO tapes (last year?) for the first time where we hear her diss MLK? How crazy was that? She seemed to have the impression that he was laughing at the funeral of JFK? Never thought to be a hallucinating woman right? Whether she was mistaken, or maybe it was true...the way the TV folk are so quick to white wash and pasteurize all information is more the problme...its like no one is allowed to blurt anything out, and then just fkn maybe end up seeing they were wrong? Apologizing...and eureka we get to be human...as opposed to this artivial life support of pteridish asexual nascar nation of 200 mph musical chair pointlessness...Jane Kunt would never apologize to me because her hope in life is to make sure I never get record straightened out....Hatre is colorless....to believe otherwise only means you have your own shit to work thru...and everyone is allowed to be stupid....everyome is allowed to evolve...problem is we have put a lid on this freedom for so long that if everyone starts exercising it at once, it could cause tidal waves...but you cant stop the oceans...
There is learned racism compared with actual, learned, occurrence, experience of the closedminded short sighted stupidty and hating...of course its not a good thing but why pretend its as simple as switching feelings on and off? I feel so bad for all these years of making fun of the white man for the sake of nothing more than the empowerment of, and another color of mistakes...its all hypocrisy, everyone is racist a little...just as everyone has stupidity moments...and to pretend otherwise is a disservice...of what seems to be a way of life for a whole lot of people who share small spaces, cant get it together to live in a house so entire extended family is in a 2 bedroom apt type situation....In the middle of an argument with my worst neighbor a couple of months ago I screamed at him "You're turning me into a racist!" The look on his face was so completely confused it was pretty hysterical when I think about it now. Because in that moment he knew, growing up across from me for 11(+) years, he knows I am not, or didnt used to be anyway, racist. I know racism is stupid intellectually because, well actually it depends on who youre talking with because...I mean in all my years, living in westchester, manhattan (for 8 years) other states, CA, FL, NC, Europe...I never had a racist bone in my body. But in this town, city...? I thought of a good way to describe it a little while ago, by realizing that it has been 10 years of, at times, a daily occurrence when someone has threatened me. I don't even know the name of the girl that destroyed the NEW dryer yesterday. But I do know that if I were to dare ask her what it is to try to fix the problem...I could be risking loosing teeth, or at least get a screaming at that would make anyone feel that was coming next (and if I talk to say Kathy W lol...she'll be like "Oh! Poor thing? Maybe a psychiatrist? As if she would make a better social scientist project out of the damage) I mean afterall..." So much hypocrisy, so much bs...and the only thing that has to change is proper recognition...This is the same chick who Im pretty sure got my $20 too...but look what she did. This was a brand new within the year dryer-now no one in the building can use it, and dare I say boo? I'd have police on me because they gang up on you and make up stories the...come on man Ive done my time! (Someone get me out of here?)
Dear great writer people, or anyone really, everyone most likely who thinks Im judgeable Please at least try to see it? Be here with me in the end.....Im not writing here. Im inventing. Im talking. Im exploring, BRAVELY ALONE (should I link yet again the video of last summer-I was totally minding my own business, perhaps cyber warring with FL because of what had just happened there-but basically just trying to do my best healing from broken back and my own ever widening obesity...I was FOCUSED on positivity for myself completely without any other choice or it really was over for me. ..but the obese white neighbors across the hall decided to pick a war with me because I was parking in the shady visitor's spot basically...anyway the point is that when I'm not bothering anybody, and out of the blue Im dragged into another bs scenario with an idiot neighbor.. I dropped a piece of paper outside my door with the words "Dear Students of Christ the King" The police were at my door roughing me up, trying to come into my apt for 30 minutes, and thanks to Steve Jobs the entire bullshit-u-not incident is on youtube(please step off) But what the african american neighbors do, break doors, have drunken episode never to regain trust... where doors are broken down and cops constantly called on each other like nanies...its unreal-Ive lived with poor people, poor areas but nothing like this...and these are condos So I know better than to generalize and yet, whatever! I've been RUINED and no one cares to even acknowledge-Ive been left for dead so long-there's no turning it around-so now I have to decide how Im going out.....period...Im getting old, Im pissed and I know good will come from my openness thats excercised for the simple reason that this is the very problem in the first place-the lack of open-ness, it is the tolerance of the bullshit factor, the acceptance out of convenience thats the exact problem-it is way too high for too long....I have no kids, I have nothing to loose, no one will miss me...Im not suicidal, but Id rather go out telling it like it is :) Marcel Bobe and her shining path from Brazil can take a hike.
Every week there's destruction, filth, police....they're animal who just happened to be african american...I wouldnt wish this on any of the towns that have so far been spared...and thank god I do know black who woudl agree..some who even like me..
I amazed at how often, the sheer number of people, so frequently resort to threats of calling police on each other-like kids caling mom- say they want to have me arrested anytime I sneeze...fucking amazing... Im talking! Im not writing oh great writers who sucked the wrong dicks thinking that was what they wanted and then would get angry at the poeple who's positions they backstabbed and sabotaged them to get...it's like perpetual infancy....truly emotional retardation-makes you feel so hopeless theres really nothing to do but dive into the bliss of Bauby (NOT to be confused with Bobe? Bobbee?) ...people are so spiteful its amazing. brb
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