In a nutshell. I told a neighbro Ive known for almost 11 years about my serious pain in my breast today...she's been a nurse for a few decades and is studying to be a Physicians Assistant...what she's good at is acting like she cares and was able to get rid of me pretty painlessly to not have the conversation about my symptoms...thats cool...people need to not mix up work and home it's commonly believed/understood/accepted anyway...but I also have a cousin in law who is the head of some breast cancer dept/program with some huge university hospital...when I sent him an email with a few simple questions...he didnt even as much as reply...not a word....and I am slowly accepting the reality that I will be allowed to fade out...Im not afraid as much as having to go out alone. This is why Im so beyond pissed at Birkam and Jane K when I think about old emails like 5 yrs ago when I begged Bikram to intervene and sopmehow help me undo the damage, because I could feel I was at a crucial place with my health...I knwo that if I had just been allowed to excel without her interference I would likely be rich for being so goddam healthy at my age-which is really proof, money in the bank, that I knwo what Im doing...because I was robbed of not only work, but ability to stay focused on practice at such a delicate time...it really was a life or death time...so the irony that I didnt fail, and yet Jane actually called all teh places I could work and insisted they not hire me, scared them with stories, lies, perhaps twisted trutsh etc...why does she get away with interfering? Then it took on life of it's own...at 46 I still had some life left in me, I was strong before I went to training and strong thru it...until I was pushed too far at end and a tendon snapped, that took years to heal, 5 years later and for the first time I havent noticed it as much...and yet my body is so crashed, its all different. But it was more emotionally what the Birikram organization did to me after the training that ruined my health as fast as it fixed it...I held onto the belief fo rthe past 5 years that if they would jsut let me be and see how set up I was, I can still catch up and make everything alright...but my vulnerability is too tempting an opportunity for floriidian whores to not try to climb up on..The fall last year has officially made me old...my breast hurts so much right now...I will hold it and comfort myself, eat ice cream, watch TV, realize it could be worse, remember what an incredible time Ive had in life, and that Ive never met anyone I would trade places with...
I could go on and on, the list of doctors Ive wasted time with in my life...but the point is to explore the stupidity and irony...how much easier and convenient it is to simply call me crazy for being hurt, for being ignored, made to feel my life matters to no one and express that irony via this way...so hated for this that all these poeple I write about savor the day I will be gone, not one would lift a finger...what would be the point? Look how vulgar I am? In a nutshell my point here sums up the state of "Health Care" in our country....our disconnect from reality and any ability to be honest anymore without being overwhelmed by the insanity that would follow from people admitting theyve been lying to each other en masse....omg...
The tree to human ratio is an indication of where cancer comes from, its like Morton Hears a Moo (Opposite of Horton) on a larger scale view...macro view....of the hell and the heat on it's way...hell is living with people from warn climate who cant help but turn the world into a giant parking lot without water and believe the constitution includes passages about donuts and rights to BBQ in times of drought....
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