My body is so sickly, hurts so much IM almost tired of it-dont ever feel like taking care of it these days-very hard to trick myself into practicing. It took me almost 3 hours to start this morning. Finally got in there. The fan from heater was so loud it was hard to distinguish some very interesting sounds that started to work on my ability to concentrate but brought me to a wonderful realization too.
I started to hear this distant whistle. Too high pitched for the fire whistle I remember as a child growing up, but a few minutes later I started to notice the neighbors dog going crazy barking the way they do when firewhistle blows., setting off my dog too....its actually the nuclear power plant whistle when it goes off in my neighborhood so...for a moment I thought "Oh? Earthquake? SF Fire situation?" I honestly imagined the whole world blowing up for a moment and I didnt want to stop doing my breathing....The only thing that made me want to open the door was to reassure my pup...but when I realized he'd also stopped barking because he saw I was relaxed thru the door-everything was ok...for a few seconds...
That is until I couldnt turn my mind off. Because the dog thru the wall didnt stop for almost 20-30 mins (ruFFly) I started thinking I was being a bad neighbor, that maybe someone was breaking into their apt, that I should peek out the window....although I did peek out 2-3 times I mostly maintained concentration thru it all...and my epiphany was that as much as my fat suckly body hurts, I do very much feel the soothing emotional calmness come over me while I try to stay in the zone...sadly the feeling I was having a heart attack made me cut it all to a one set work out...but I got a good sweat...
This is why heat is so important in Bikram. Because it's more about the rhythm of your breath - really trancelike when I achieve it...so rare...but thats what brings me back for more. To take control of the mind like that? You realize why its so important and as he says "The most difficult thing in the world to do" but also why mental is more important than physical when it comes to loosing my weight...I Know this well enough that its why Ive been so frustrated...these idiots like "patty" having no clue how easy it is for tissue to simply tear with some people...yoga teachers are so self absorbed (i was somewhat like thsi myself but not as bad as most) SO self important that they'll try to tell you textbook how u should hold your head so as not to be too dizzy...as if...for now Ill just say its beyond insulting and oblivion its just plain dangerous. I got the room up to 108 easily today as its so humid and warning up nicely...although it was a little dangerous perhaps for anyone else as I had too much humidity I think....this is from where the trance comes from and thanks to my astronaut training in HI I can handle it pretty well-would never do that to anyone else...the way many teachers do...omg when i think of the RICH asshole teachers whove gotten to piss n the future of the yoga because bikram respects money more than the people so often...anyway....lost train of thought-these are all just notes really want to try to write this into a readable piece! We'll see...because Im still having my heart attack...
brb
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