I say the reason youre not supposed to talk about being arrested isn't at all to protect yourself. It was designed as a societal mindset to protect the police themselves. "Freedom isn't free" is possibly the most stupid goddam bumpersticker of them all. Perhaps designed by the same company. Motivated by whatever freakishly ingenius minds the average person can't even fathom think about....Free like Tarzan? Or free like JD Bauby? Freedom WAS free, perhaps still is a little bit...however...
As I happened to be walking by a window when this terribly black and blue, superspanking shiny new, expensive looking, all equipped, totally stealth detective mobile floated by. Very seriously. I have to ask myself if the people I bitch and moan about for creating a police state out of my life are still complaining. You'd think they'd realize a simple apology would make it all go away...but that's beyond them...I'd like to imagine the cops in fact as actually being my heroes. Men capable of, if nothing else, recognizing the petty, lying bs for what it is, and even feel sorry that this shit was all done to me...why is that so far fetched lol? Omg I swear poeple CHOOSE to misunderstand each other! People prefer to fight because theyre so miserable and schizo in their ability to be honest with themsleves.... Generally speaking men should not be cops. Of course there will always be exceptions to any rule as there should be allowed to be, but women need to be better than that, women should not be soldiers especially. That is unless you want to define "soldier" as someone who sits at a desk assignment, or serving lasagna in a mess hall. A woman's only funtion on a battlefield would be remaining worthy enough to remain unraped and safe. God people are stupid? Or the propaganda writers are just that good? Both....
Someone has regulalry been looing my desktop and making my loose so much writing...it throws my mind off...makes u loose whatever heart you have left...makes you depserate enough to rant and ramble on so rapidfire it scares most away....they have it down. Now 2 verizon trucks are parked on either side of my car....life is weird right? brb (or maybe I wont...and when I see what happened to Chamberlain I realize when they take you down....there's little that can be done...and if youre lucky enough to have poeple want to fight for your name? Whether a few or a million, it ends up being a situation where you're not really supposed to be anthing but grateful to god if he allowed you only but a few breaths...its just how it is? For shouting too loudly I Piss off the cops for the past 20 years who have robbed me of everything. I will never have children or a family-and thank god in a world where 3 men wanted Tanya Harding lol? And now she too gets to be a mom? Maybe I am blessed...to be able to SPEAK, unlike an African American cop who needed to keep a roof over his kids head? Or protect the investment he borrowed money to secure?
What Im trying to get at it....worse than any cop beating I suffered...is the irony that this handful of hippie peAce of shit, NPR listening mother fucking YOGA TEACHERS were the ones who in the end truly destroyed the last shot at hope, last chance I had at getting my life back...from now on its pre-nursing home for me...I used to fold up my old baby clothes, and imagien them in an attack, and my son or daughter pulling stuff out, stories flying around...parties...I imagine such a fantastically happy family life for myself.....It didnt happen for a lot of reasons perhaps...but to have gone out with the hope at least kept me going...now I am almost past the ocd and ready to throw it all away, gradually, nothing dramatic...the point is Im past things...Im slowly signing off, feeling slightly less alone by talking to a keyboard...and those yoga teachers? They will still probably try to writ etheir police reports and actually want to see me jailed....no matter what I say? How the fuck can what was done to me, a few times(!) not scare every goddam one of you? Because I took it too far? Im too ... actually I am burnt out an dbecomeing weak....lets be honest...I just spoke with someone trying to find the names of the WP police officers who killed Carelli to prove my point that silence kills just as much as the gun....its all a part of the same lie. Time to wake up and see it for what it is.....the person asked me the name of my blog...part of me felt unworthy to even be talking to this person in the middle of such an important happening, part of me wanted to protect them from even their IP address showing up on my pages, as god knows who Ive got padding budgets with my name as an excuse...and part of me realized all that matters is that we communicate and be aware of the judgments...Judgments are a part pf life, but the problem is recognizing the teeniest trith can turn into a bif fat life saving one....I will win Richard Branson's CO2 science competition with the theory that the most viable way to solve the problem of emissions is to pray. If thats too difficult, thats what yoga is for?
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